"No Birthday Gifts, Please": What Un-American BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me a break! We do these all the time! We have a large generous family and a small house.
We don't need anymore toys, so if you don't like it don't go to the party, and get over yourself (I hate it when people use the term folks)

It's actually considered rude to try to dictate how other give gifts. Even Miss Manners says that you are not supposed to mention gift-giving unless the giver asks. If you have a large generous family and a small house, then you graciously accept gifts, you save a few good gifts that you will not use to regift to other children when your child attends their parties and you donate the remainder to charity. For close family and friends, you can discuss (away from any gift giving occasion) having too many things and that you'd prefer they not give gifts. For acquaintances, like the parents of classmates, just let them give a gift and be gracious.

I agree with OP. To mention anything about gift giving, including "no gifts please" is rude. It's becoming more commonplace, but it is still rude.

So, if a classmate doesn't come to the party because the parents can't afford a gift, or feels bad once the kid is there because he can't afford a gift - that's OK with you?

I guess that's your perogative, but I'd rather be considerate of other people, even if it means I'm considered "rude" by some old fossil like Miss Manners.

[Anonymous]

I don't get this complaint at all. After a party, we make our son write out thank you cards for everything, and then any toys that aren't wanted are given to other families in the neighborhood. If you live in such a rich neighborhood that every child has all the toys he or she needs, then why not make a quick trip to goodwill? There are lots of kids wanting toys that can't get them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me a break! We do these all the time! We have a large generous family and a small house.
We don't need anymore toys, so if you don't like it don't go to the party, and get over yourself (I hate it when people use the term folks)

It's actually considered rude to try to dictate how other give gifts. Even Miss Manners says that you are not supposed to mention gift-giving unless the giver asks. If you have a large generous family and a small house, then you graciously accept gifts, you save a few good gifts that you will not use to regift to other children when your child attends their parties and you donate the remainder to charity. For close family and friends, you can discuss (away from any gift giving occasion) having too many things and that you'd prefer they not give gifts. For acquaintances, like the parents of classmates, just let them give a gift and be gracious.

I agree with OP. To mention anything about gift giving, including "no gifts please" is rude. It's becoming more commonplace, but it is still rude.

So, if a classmate doesn't come to the party because the parents can't afford a gift, or feels bad once the kid is there because he can't afford a gift - that's OK with you?

I guess that's your perogative, but I'd rather be considerate of other people, even if it means I'm considered "rude" by some old fossil like Miss Manners.

No, it's not okay. It's the job of the host parents (and the kid if he or she is old enough!) to make sure that kids *don't* feel bad that they don't have gifts to give! What is this insanity? You have a party. Some guests show up with gifts, others show up with nothing. The point of the party is that everyone has a good time. If you think not everyone has gifts, don't make opening the gifts part of the party. When you send the invites, try to make sure you know, or at least meet, even casually, who you are inviting, in a way that you can talk to them and let them know gifts or not, it's all okay! The focus should be on love, not stuff.

[Anonymous]

I'm not trying to tell anyone they can't bring a gift if they don't want to. But seriously, what is the correct way to say briefly on an invite "Don't feel obligated to bring a gift to come to the party. If you want to, that's fine, but we know you are busy and don't want to put you out, we just want your kid to come and have a good time!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to tell anyone they can't bring a gift if they don't want to. But seriously, what is the correct way to say briefly on an invite "Don't feel obligated to bring a gift to come to the party. If you want to, that's fine, but we know you are busy and don't want to put you out, we just want your kid to come and have a good time!"

How about:

"No presents, please. Just your presence. Thanks!"

[Anonymous]

O FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO WE REALLY HAVE TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN?????????

[Anonymous]

No, it's not okay. It's the job of the host parents (and the kid if he or she is old enough!) to make sure that kids *don't* feel bad that they don't have gifts to give! What is this insanity? You have a party. Some guests show up with gifts, others show up with nothing. The point of the party is that everyone has a good time. If you think not everyone has gifts, don't make opening the gifts part of the party. When you send the invites, try to make sure you know, or at least meet, even casually, who you are inviting, in a way that you can talk to them and let them know gifts or not, it's all okay! The focus should be on love, not stuff.

Well, sure. Isn't that exactly whatsaying "no presents, please" is trying to do? So your problem is that it's printed on the invitation, and not delivered in a personalized message?

If you ave time for that, you need more hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I don't want more stuff in my house so I am a big proponent of the no-gift party. However, I don't believe in making my kid's birthday party yet ANOTHER obligation to bring something, make something, do something for my fellow moms. So there will be no book swaps, canned good drives, clothing donations at our parties. There will be friends and fun and cake. Maybe a goody bag filled with candy, that's right, I said it...C-A-N-D-Y!!

+1.

Please don't use precious time you could be spending elsewhere buying my kid a gift. We have four overeager grandparents and lots of really generous aunts and uncles, great aunts and uncles, godparents etc. doing that.

The bday party is really an excuse to invite people over to hang out, eat good food, and celebrate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I don't want more stuff in my house so I am a big proponent of the no-gift party. However, I don't believe in making my kid's birthday party yet ANOTHER obligation to bring something, make something, do something for my fellow moms. So there will be no book swaps, canned good drives, clothing donations at our parties. There will be friends and fun and cake. Maybe a goody bag filled with candy, that's right, I said it...C-A-N-D-Y!!

+1.

Please don't use precious time you could be spending elsewhere buying my kid a gift. We have four overeager grandparents and lots of really generous aunts and uncles, great aunts and uncles, godparents etc. doing that.

The bday party is really an excuse to invite people over to hang out, eat good food, and celebrate.

Amen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me a break! We do these all the time! We have a large generous family and a small house.
We don't need anymore toys, so if you don't like it don't go to the party, and get over yourself (I hate it when people use the term folks)

It's actually considered rude to try to dictate how other give gifts. Even Miss Manners says that you are not supposed to mention gift-giving unless the giver asks. If you have a large generous family and a small house, then you graciously accept gifts, you save a few good gifts that you will not use to regift to other children when your child attends their parties and you donate the remainder to charity. For close family and friends, you can discuss (away from any gift giving occasion) having too many things and that you'd prefer they not give gifts. For acquaintances, like the parents of classmates, just let them give a gift and be gracious.

I agree with OP. To mention anything about gift giving, including "no gifts please" is rude. It's becoming more commonplace, but it is still rude.

I agree. The host should not mention it, and takes care of the "unwanted" gifts quietly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:O FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO WE REALLY HAVE TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN?????????

Again? When? Where? lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me a break! We do these all the time! We have a large generous family and a small house.
We don't need anymore toys, so if you don't like it don't go to the party, and get over yourself (I hate it when people use the term folks)

It's actually considered rude to try to dictate how other give gifts. Even Miss Manners says that you are not supposed to mention gift-giving unless the giver asks. If you have a large generous family and a small house, then you graciously accept gifts, you save a few good gifts that you will not use to regift to other children when your child attends their parties and you donate the remainder to charity. For close family and friends, you can discuss (away from any gift giving occasion) having too many things and that you'd prefer they not give gifts. For acquaintances, like the parents of classmates, just let them give a gift and be gracious.

I agree with OP. To mention anything about gift giving, including "no gifts please" is rude. It's becoming more commonplace, but it is still rude.

I agree. The host should not mention it, and takes care of the "unwanted" gifts quietly.

Then people have wasted good time and $$ on gifts. That seems a bit disengenuous to me. "Please come and give my child a gift! (Shhh, it's really going into the donate pile.)"

[Anonymous]

ah, I don't think its rude. I thought we were trying to save other people money, avoid spoiling our kid and cluttering up our house. Funny people take it the wrong way. Guess you cannot please everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I don't want more stuff in my house quote]

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me a break! We do these all the time! We have a large generous family and a small house.
We don't need anymore toys, so if you don't like it don't go to the party, and get over yourself (I hate it when people use the term folks)

It's actually considered rude to try to dictate how other give gifts. Even Miss Manners says that you are not supposed to mention gift-giving unless the giver asks. If you have a large generous family and a small house, then you graciously accept gifts, you save a few good gifts that you will not use to regift to other children when your child attends their parties and you donate the remainder to charity. For close family and friends, you can discuss (away from any gift giving occasion) having too many things and that you'd prefer they not give gifts. For acquaintances, like the parents of classmates, just let them give a gift and be gracious.

I agree with OP. To mention anything about gift giving, including "no gifts please" is rude. It's becoming more commonplace, but it is still rude.

I agree. The host should not mention it, and takes care of the "unwanted" gifts quietly.

Then people have wasted good time and $$ on gifts. That seems a bit disengenuous to me. "Please come and give my child a gift! (Shhh, it's really going into the donate pile.)"

Better than "your gift is not good enough for us" air.