"No Birthday Gifts, Please": What Un-American BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we stopped REQUIRING our kids to have to invite all 21-25 kids in a class the issue of too much cr8p in the house wouldn't be an issue with gift receiving.

Let your kids invite a handful of their true friends and they can exchange gifts.

I hate that even if a kid is an a**hole to your child you are expected to invite them to the bday party.

We never did whole class parties. 10 or less...and preferably 8 is best.

ITA -- and this is exactly what we're moving toward with DD this year. I'm tired of having to invite every kid in her class, even the ones she doesn't get along with, just for the sake of being inclusive. I'm tired of inviting the kids of our friends, close or merely local, just because of our friendship with their parents. It's a party for DD, so it should be about who she wants to celebrate with her. And I'm tired of having to track down more than half the RSVPs because parents think they're lives are too busy to respond by the requested date, or deal with last-minute cancellations with no good reason. (For those who've read related posts over the years, you know what I'm talking about!) So this year we're streamlining: Less than half the kids invited than in previous years, limited to the kids DD is closest to, most of them with parents who, based on past experience, RSVP in a timely fashion. The end result? Less stress, less hassle and (for those of you who have read a related current thread), less thank you notes to write. A win-win all around.

Ok, just don't pass out the invitations at school.

[Anonymous]

OP if you don't like no-gifts policies then don't adopt such a policy for your DD, but why feel so angry at others who choose to? Their prerogative deserves respect, they're the parent, they say what goes. My house is small and DS gets tons of stuff from us and family members as it is. Why do I have to accumulate more in my house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I love you and I think you are a little overwrought all at the same time

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if you don't like no-gifts policies then don't adopt such a policy for your DD, but why feel so angry at others who choose to? Their prerogative deserves respect, they're the parent, they say what goes. My house is small and DS gets tons of stuff from us and family members as it is. Why do I have to accumulate more in my house?

Exactly. And OP if you are annoyed at my no gifts parties then don't get mad at me when I post that I don't want to buy your kid a gift, especially when it seems like a bunch of parents just donate them. What a huge waste of everyone's time. I'd rather just donate toys and choose the charities I want then buy a gift for a kid whose parents are just going to give it away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me a break! We do these all the time! We have a large generous family and a small house.
We don't need anymore toys, so if you don't like it don't go to the party, and get over yourself (I hate it when people use the term folks)

It's actually considered rude to try to dictate how other give gifts. Even Miss Manners says that you are not supposed to mention gift-giving unless the giver asks. If you have a large generous family and a small house, then you graciously accept gifts, you save a few good gifts that you will not use to regift to other children when your child attends their parties and you donate the remainder to charity. For close family and friends, you can discuss (away from any gift giving occasion) having too many things and that you'd prefer they not give gifts. For acquaintances, like the parents of classmates, just let them give a gift and be gracious.

I agree with OP. To mention anything about gift giving, including "no gifts please" is rude. It's becoming more commonplace, but it is still rude.

+1 Am I the only re-gifter? Also, I love to give new stuff to charities. I think they get so many used toys and clothes, that I like being able to take lovely new gifts that were given to my children, and pass them on. It's not working as well now that they're older; but we don't have big parties every year, so it's not a problem.

[Anonymous]

When does this whole-class invited thing start? Kindergarten? My older DS is 2.5 and will just be going to preschool for the first time this fall - guess I'm in for it. An entire elementary school class at my house just sounds like pure misery. Then again now that I know about the whole "no boxed gifts" thing....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give me a break! We do these all the time! We have a large generous family and a small house.
We don't need anymore toys, so if you don't like it don't go to the party, and get over yourself (I hate it when people use the term folks)

It's actually considered rude to try to dictate how other give gifts. Even Miss Manners says that you are not supposed to mention gift-giving unless the giver asks. If you have a large generous family and a small house, then you graciously accept gifts, you save a few good gifts that you will not use to regift to other children when your child attends their parties and you donate the remainder to charity. For close family and friends, you can discuss (away from any gift giving occasion) having too many things and that you'd prefer they not give gifts. For acquaintances, like the parents of classmates, just let them give a gift and be gracious.

I agree with OP. To mention anything about gift giving, including "no gifts please" is rude. It's becoming more commonplace, but it is still rude.

+1 Am I the only re-gifter? Also, I love to give new stuff to charities. I think they get so many used toys and clothes, that I like being able to take lovely new gifts that were given to my children, and pass them on. It's not working as well now that they're older; but we don't have big parties every year, so it's not a problem.

Now THIS is rude! If you aren't going to even keep the present then I wish you'd let me know so I can save my time and money. Why NOT indicate no presents if you're just going to re-gift?

[Anonymous]

Can we get back to the unAmerican, Dwight D Eisenhower part? OP, could you please say more about that?

[Anonymous]

Actually, I think the accumulation of unneeded plastic crap is more immoral and unAmerican. If you love your country, you will not want to see it turn into one big landfill. Reduce, reuse, recycle. I think gifts w/o presents is fine. Children can learn to give gifts in other situations. I am intruiged by a PPs adamance that children need to learn to give gifts. In all the parties I've been to so far, the children aren't really learning that. The parent pays for and wraps the gifts. Most kids don't even make their own card. I think what is important in learning to give a gift is the part that invovles thinking creatively about what the other person would like, and then putting time and energy into it. I think that for kids under 8, a work of art that is homemade is a very appropriate gift and involves much more time and effort than most Target-bought gifts. I would also be in favor of children giving friends some of their own toys, which they often do spontaneously anyway.

When the kids are older, they can learn about gift-giving by making gifts or using their own money to purchase them. But as long as the parents are doing everything I don't think they're learning anything of value. I see more kids wanting to invite lots of people to their party because more kids= more gifts. A better lesson for them to learn is that for the children to come and play and celebrate you is a gift in itself. There is also a lesson in not expecting to receive so much.

Anyway, OP, if you're offended by the suggestion, then go ahead and go off on the inviter. Problem solved. You'll stop receiving such invitations in short order.

[Anonymous]

This is a really weird thing to come unhinged about. Please don't go shoot up a no gift birthday party, OP.

[Anonymous]

What the "no gifts, please" parents are really saying is that they don't want to spend the time returning your gift for store credit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the "no gifts, please" parents are really saying is that they don't want to spend the time returning your gift for store credit.

Uh, how do you draw that conclusion? You're the first to mention it.