"No Birthday Gifts, Please": What Un-American BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone wants to go out of their way to get my son a gift, that's fine. We put "no gifts" on the invite so that people don't feel that they have to get a gift in order to come, not to prevent people who want to get a gift from bringing one if they feel like it.

OK, this, THIS is why I despise "no gifts" on a child's birthday invited. So you put "no gifts" so people don't feel like they have to bring one, but are not opposed to people bringing them if they feel like it. What your mindset ends up creating is stress for the parent of the child who has been invited as we grapple with the do we or don't we on the gift front. I don't want to be the only parent who doesn't send their child with a gift if everyone else ignores your request, nor do I want to be the only parent who does send their child with a gift if everyone else abides.

For the record, I'm also of the mindset that my kid doesn't need any more crap. But there's always the option of donating or regifting something your child won't use, or doesn't want. So don't put anything on the invite and let people decide for themselves if they want to bring a gift. Just because it's a birthday invitation without "no gifts" on it does not mean a gift is required. It may be considered proper etiquette, but we all know everyone has their own interpretation anyway.

jesus, don't be so neurotic. just go without a gift and let your kid have fun. nobody gives a shit, and nobody cares if you bring or don't bring a gift - but there is clearly no expectation of a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone wants to go out of their way to get my son a gift, that's fine. We put "no gifts" on the invite so that people don't feel that they have to get a gift in order to come, not to prevent people who want to get a gift from bringing one if they feel like it.

OK, this, THIS is why I despise "no gifts" on a child's birthday invited. So you put "no gifts" so people don't feel like they have to bring one, but are not opposed to people bringing them if they feel like it. What your mindset ends up creating is stress for the parent of the child who has been invited as we grapple with the do we or don't we on the gift front. I don't want to be the only parent who doesn't send their child with a gift if everyone else ignores your request, nor do I want to be the only parent who does send their child with a gift if everyone else abides.

For the record, I'm also of the mindset that my kid doesn't need any more crap. But there's always the option of donating or regifting something your child won't use, or doesn't want. So don't put anything on the invite and let people decide for themselves if they want to bring a gift. Just because it's a birthday invitation without "no gifts" on it does not mean a gift is required. It may be considered proper etiquette, but we all know everyone has their own interpretation anyway.

jesus, don't be so neurotic. just go without a gift and let your kid have fun. nobody gives a shit, and nobody cares if you bring or don't bring a gift - but there is clearly no expectation of a gift.

So when your child realizes he our she is the outlier, then what do you do? Don't make it any more difficult for the parents and possibly make the child a target of ridicule. Just don't put anything on the invitation and let people decide for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone wants to go out of their way to get my son a gift, that's fine. We put "no gifts" on the invite so that people don't feel that they have to get a gift in order to come, not to prevent people who want to get a gift from bringing one if they feel like it.

OK, this, THIS is why I despise "no gifts" on a child's birthday invited. So you put "no gifts" so people don't feel like they have to bring one, but are not opposed to people bringing them if they feel like it. What your mindset ends up creating is stress for the parent of the child who has been invited as we grapple with the do we or don't we on the gift front. I don't want to be the only parent who doesn't send their child with a gift if everyone else ignores your request, nor do I want to be the only parent who does send their child with a gift if everyone else abides.

For the record, I'm also of the mindset that my kid doesn't need any more crap. But there's always the option of donating or regifting something your child won't use, or doesn't want. So don't put anything on the invite and let people decide for themselves if they want to bring a gift. Just because it's a birthday invitation without "no gifts" on it does not mean a gift is required. It may be considered proper etiquette, but we all know everyone has their own interpretation anyway.

jesus, don't be so neurotic. just go without a gift and let your kid have fun. nobody gives a shit, and nobody cares if you bring or don't bring a gift - but there is clearly no expectation of a gift.

So when your child realizes he our she is the outlier, then what do you do? Don't make it any more difficult for the parents and possibly make the child a target of ridicule. Just don't put anything on the invitation and let people decide for themselves.

target of ridicule? are you kidding me?

[Anonymous]

OK, this, THIS is why I despise "no gifts" on a child's birthday invited. So you put "no gifts" so people don't feel like they have to bring one, but are not opposed to people bringing them if they feel like it. What your mindset ends up creating is stress for the parent of the child who has been invited as we grapple with the do we or don't we on the gift front. I don't want to be the only parent who doesn't send their child with a gift if everyone else ignores your request, nor do I want to be the only parent who does send their child with a gift if everyone else abides

Are you serious? You are "grappling with" the decision of whether to bring a gift? It creates "stress?" This is a kid's birthday party, not high tea with the queen. It just isn't that big a deal. We don't open the gifts at the party anyway, so really, no one except me and my kid is going to notice if your kid brings one or not. I've already said that we don't want to put people out by having them feel obligated to bring gifts, so obviously it isn't a big deal to us. If you really "despise" the idea of a no-gifts party that much, decline the invitation and don't come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OK, this, THIS is why I despise "no gifts" on a child's birthday invited. So you put "no gifts" so people don't feel like they have to bring one, but are not opposed to people bringing them if they feel like it. What your mindset ends up creating is stress for the parent of the child who has been invited as we grapple with the do we or don't we on the gift front. I don't want to be the only parent who doesn't send their child with a gift if everyone else ignores your request, nor do I want to be the only parent who does send their child with a gift if everyone else abides

Are you serious? You are "grappling with" the decision of whether to bring a gift? It creates "stress?" This is a kid's birthday party, not high tea with the queen. It just isn't that big a deal. We don't open the gifts at the party anyway, so really, no one except me and my kid is going to notice if your kid brings one or not. I've already said that we don't want to put people out by having them feel obligated to bring gifts, so obviously it isn't a big deal to us. If you really "despise" the idea of a no-gifts party that much, decline the invitation and don't come.

And we do. So now you know why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OK, this, THIS is why I despise "no gifts" on a child's birthday invited. So you put "no gifts" so people don't feel like they have to bring one, but are not opposed to people bringing them if they feel like it. What your mindset ends up creating is stress for the parent of the child who has been invited as we grapple with the do we or don't we on the gift front. I don't want to be the only parent who doesn't send their child with a gift if everyone else ignores your request, nor do I want to be the only parent who does send their child with a gift if everyone else abides

Are you serious? You are "grappling with" the decision of whether to bring a gift? It creates "stress?" This is a kid's birthday party, not high tea with the queen. It just isn't that big a deal. We don't open the gifts at the party anyway, so really, no one except me and my kid is going to notice if your kid brings one or not. I've already said that we don't want to put people out by having them feel obligated to bring gifts, so obviously it isn't a big deal to us. If you really "despise" the idea of a no-gifts party that much, decline the invitation and don't come.

And we do. So now you know why.

PP, you must have a really rough time getting thru life in general, if this type of things a) causes you so much stress that b) you avoid these events and hide out at your home. You may need to move to a lower stress area of the country or something.

[Anonymous]

And we do. So now you know why.

I wasn't wondering.

[Anonymous]

Gee... still at it.

[Anonymous]

that PP had to be a joke. I'm hoping, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:that PP had to be a joke. I'm hoping, right?

Which one? They're practically all insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:that PP had to be a joke. I'm hoping, right?

Which one? They're practically all insane.

We all are lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:that PP had to be a joke. I'm hoping, right?

Which one? They're practically all insane.

We all are lol

Agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OK, this, THIS is why I despise "no gifts" on a child's birthday invited. So you put "no gifts" so people don't feel like they have to bring one, but are not opposed to people bringing them if they feel like it. What your mindset ends up creating is stress for the parent of the child who has been invited as we grapple with the do we or don't we on the gift front. I don't want to be the only parent who doesn't send their child with a gift if everyone else ignores your request, nor do I want to be the only parent who does send their child with a gift if everyone else abides

Are you serious? You are "grappling with" the decision of whether to bring a gift? It creates "stress?" This is a kid's birthday party, not high tea with the queen. It just isn't that big a deal. We don't open the gifts at the party anyway, so really, no one except me and my kid is going to notice if your kid brings one or not. I've already said that we don't want to put people out by having them feel obligated to bring gifts, so obviously it isn't a big deal to us. If you really "despise" the idea of a no-gifts party that much, decline the invitation and don't come.

And we do. So now you know why.

PP, you must have a really rough time getting thru life in general, if this type of things a) causes you so much stress that b) you avoid these events and hide out at your home. You may need to move to a lower stress area of the country or something.

No, no problem getting through life. It causes stress and I found a way to deal with the stress: Just don't attend. Your loss.

[Anonymous]

If we stopped REQUIRING our kids to have to invite all 21-25 kids in a class the issue of too much cr8p in the house wouldn't be an issue with gift receiving.

Let your kids invite a handful of their true friends and they can exchange gifts.

I hate that even if a kid is an a**hole to your child you are expected to invite them to the bday party.

We never did whole class parties. 10 or less...and preferably 8 is best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If we stopped REQUIRING our kids to have to invite all 21-25 kids in a class the issue of too much cr8p in the house wouldn't be an issue with gift receiving.

Let your kids invite a handful of their true friends and they can exchange gifts.

I hate that even if a kid is an a**hole to your child you are expected to invite them to the bday party.

We never did whole class parties. 10 or less...and preferably 8 is best.

ITA -- and this is exactly what we're moving toward with DD this year. I'm tired of having to invite every kid in her class, even the ones she doesn't get along with, just for the sake of being inclusive. I'm tired of inviting the kids of our friends, close or merely local, just because of our friendship with their parents. It's a party for DD, so it should be about who she wants to celebrate with her. And I'm tired of having to track down more than half the RSVPs because parents think they're lives are too busy to respond by the requested date, or deal with last-minute cancellations with no good reason. (For those who've read related posts over the years, you know what I'm talking about!) So this year we're streamlining: Less than half the kids invited than in previous years, limited to the kids DD is closest to, most of them with parents who, based on past experience, RSVP in a timely fashion. The end result? Less stress, less hassle and (for those of you who have read a related current thread), less thank you notes to write. A win-win all around.