"No Birthday Gifts, Please": What Un-American BS.

[Anonymous]

If someone wants to go out of their way to get my son a gift, that's fine. We put "no gifts" on the invite so that people don't feel that they have to get a gift in order to come, not to prevent people who want to get a gift from bringing one if they feel like it.

[Anonymous]

?Ha, your post cracked me up.

We don't put anything on our invites. I always give gifts at parties as we have never been invited to a 'no gift' party, and even if we were, I would still bring a hostess gift.

I don't care if someone prefers no gift. It's not going to hurt me, so really, what's the big deal? They might not have enough room in their home, which I can absolutely understand as we were a family of 6 growing up living in a super tiny less than 700 sq feet apartment, so I don't see that as impossible. There can be lots of different reasons, and it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I completely agree with you.

So many people complain that they already have "too much stuff." My question then is -- why are you buying your kid so much stuff? I have an idea for those people: don't buy anything for your kid this year. (and get rid of what you bought them last year, too, while you're at it.) I guarantee that when their birthday rolls around, they (and you) will suddenly be thrilled with anything and everything that is gifted to them. In doing so, you might even teach your kid to appreciate a gift and be open-minded about the various toys they can enjoy. If your child still acts like a selfish snob and feels like some toy is boring or not good enough, then you have yet another opportunity to teach them about giving stuff away.

The problem is that these families are lavishing their own children with everything the child wants, then when the party comes, get all control-freak on everyone and say that they don't want any gifts. I too used to be of this mindset and even had a no-gift party for my kid once. Then I realized that I was the bigger problem of accumulating too much stuff in our lives, not the yearly birthday party.

So untrue in my case. We buy dd barely anything, but our townhouse is full of toys from family, which she loves. She doesn't need more. She had 20 kids at her bday party, and we don't have space for that many new toys. Not to mention the wastefulness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen, folks, DH here, and I've had it. Fulmination time. If I get another bday invite asking DD to come to some kid's party but not to bring that kid a bday gift, I'm going to go all Dwight D. Eisenhower on them--build an Interstate Highway System all up in their grills. Come on. This donating of books, swapping of books--"second-hand" books, for the love of the Goddess!--in lieu of actual gifts is compromising our children's moral development, depriving them of valuable gift-giving experiences where the gift is appreciated or not, wanted or not, appropriate or not. I'm not French, mon ami. I believe in the Target toy aisle and its plastic riches, there to be distributed to our lovely tykes, every one.

I'm not really in the "no gift" party crowd, but I could not agree more with this! I just love when I have to take my kids to Target to pick a gift for the birthday child. Move out to the outer or outer-ish burbs, and folks are not so uptight about this sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. Between grandparents and very close relatives, our kids have more gifts than they need. We get them books for birthdays and Christmas and let family give toys. We recycle, hand down, donate several times a year and it is still a lot of stuff. I don't like 90% but that is not even the issue: there is just too much of it.

[Anonymous]

Wow, these are truly high class problems. Complaining about not being able to buy a gift for a birthday party. Good grief! Good thing you don't have anything else going on in your life, OP, so you can spend valuable time and energy bitching about this sort of thing. I mean, who f-ing cares if another parent doesn't want their kids to get gifts?!!! But I guess I have other things to worry about ....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these are truly high class problems. Complaining about not being able to buy a gift for a birthday party. Good grief! Good thing you don't have anything else going on in your life, OP, so you can spend valuable time and energy bitching about this sort of thing. I mean, who f-ing cares if another parent doesn't want their kids to get gifts?!!! But I guess I have other things to worry about ....

Yeah, not really understanding the problem. If it says gift or no gift, I just go with the invite. No biggie, really.

[Anonymous]

OP Translation: "I resent that other people don't provide me with an excuse to go to a big box store and purchased plastic crap made in China (likely by virtual slave labor)."

Yes, life is tough.

[Anonymous]

Except all the no-gifts parties I've ever been to almost 100% of the attendees bring a gift. So it seems like it's just a way for the parents to look good or for all the guests to feel awkward. Guilty for disobeying the wishes of the host or embarassed if they follow the wishes and no one else does. Not to mention, guilty if they don't throw a no gifts party for their kid who hangs in the same crowd.

[Anonymous]

For us, the no gift rule is for class mates. We want their company at the party, not their stuff. And with the amount of parties, a gift each time can run into serious money.
Gifts from family and close family friends are appreciated, and they know it.

[Anonymous]

So untrue in my case. We buy dd barely anything, but our townhouse is full of toys from family, which she loves. She doesn't need more. She had 20 kids at her bday party, and we don't have space for that many new toys. Not to mention the wastefulness.




Yep, this is us too. DD even only got ONE gift, count it, ONE, from us for Christmas. We're having a no-gift party for her in November (her first party - and she's turning 5 - she's just excited to have the party). People can come or not come. No skin off my back. If you don't come, that's less $$ I have to pay for your kid to attend. You raise your kid (with lots of stuff), I'll raise mine (with less).

[Anonymous]

What's American is living your life the way you see fit.

If you see no need for people to spend $ on cheap plastic crap your kid doesn't need that will only clutter up your home and distract from the real point of the party (enjoying each other's company), I see nothing wrong with relieving your guests of any sense of obligation.

I personally love no gift parties. To me the whole "a pile of plastic gifts is what really makes a kid happy on a birthday" is the BS, sold to us by toy companies.

[Anonymous]

So do what we do - buy a fantastic bottle of wine for the parents, who undoubtably need it at the end of the day.

Let's face it, they'll appreciate it more.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I have yet to experience this but in the future, plan to have no gift parties mainly because I would never want anyone to feel as though they HAD to bring something/wouldn't attend because it wasn't feasible for them. I'm mainly thinking school friends. I was one of those kids who didn't have a lot of money and the pressure that mounts over gifts is ridiculous. While you think this is lame and would never do it, apparently you don't have any friends struggling economically.

Birthdays are times to get together with friends and family you may not see everyday and celebrate. I love being a
hostess and typically prefer to take care of everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give me a break! We do these all the time! We have a large generous family and a small house.
We don't need anymore toys, so if you don't like it don't go to the party, and get over yourself (I hate it when people use the term folks)

It's actually considered rude to try to dictate how other give gifts. Even Miss Manners says that you are not supposed to mention gift-giving unless the giver asks. If you have a large generous family and a small house, then you graciously accept gifts, you save a few good gifts that you will not use to regift to other children when your child attends their parties and you donate the remainder to charity. For close family and friends, you can discuss (away from any gift giving occasion) having too many things and that you'd prefer they not give gifts. For acquaintances, like the parents of classmates, just let them give a gift and be gracious.

I agree with OP. To mention anything about gift giving, including "no gifts please" is rude. It's becoming more commonplace, but it is still rude.