Redshirt mom vs. Tiger mom -- seeking a competitive advantage?

[Anonymous]

This except we're related. Their kids got tutored to get into GT. I don't say anything but feel sorry for their kids. When parents are like this it's more about them not their kids.

Funny, the kids I know in the GT program are happy as peach. Why do you feel sorry for them? You are really wasting your emotions. The kids that did not get in were very disappointed. All of them would have preferred to get in and I know many who try again for middle school magnets and when they get in these kids are euphoric. On the contrary, I am happy for them.

Have you ever vicariously experienced the sadness in a child that fails to meet a goal? (e.g., GT program acceptance, making junior olympic swim cut times)

Those children getting in the GT programs would feel sorry for you given your disposition to their accomplishments. No, some of these kids get it. They would probably laugh at you!

[Anonymous]

I'm not 12:40, but there's a difference between hiring tutors specifically to prep for GT testing and taking your kid to swimming lessons and art camp in the summer. No jealousy here, my DD tested in just fine having been allowed to be a regular kid with non-academic activities after school and in the summer. Different strokes for different folks, but I don't know why you'd assume 12:40 is jealous.

[Anonymous]

I'm not 12:40, but there's a difference between hiring tutors specifically to prep for GT testing and taking your kid to swimming lessons and art camp in the summer. No jealousy here, my DD tested in just fine having been allowed to be a regular kid with non-academic activities after school and in the summer. Different strokes for different folks, but I don't know why you'd assume 12:40 is jealous.

I'll tell you why. For every kid who got in the GT program that was disappointed and sad I can name 30 that didn't get in and were literally despondent for months. Why would a grown-up feel sorry for the former child? I am happy for your kid. Some kids can afford a multitude of non-academic activities after school their parents thrust them into; for others the options are vey limited. Different strokes for different folks. Some kids come home to chores, jobs and school work. No nannies and chaufered play dates. Some people here don't seem to get this. They believe "one size fits all" and their child and family is like their own. And if not, they should be.

[Anonymous]

I'm not 12:40, but there's a difference between hiring tutors specifically to prep for GT testing and taking your kid to swimming lessons and art camp in the summer. No jealousy here, my DD tested in just fine having been allowed to be a regular kid with non-academic activities after school and in the summer. Different strokes for different folks, but I don't know why you'd assume 12:40 is jealous.

The fundamental problem here.


Other kids that do not pursue these activities are somehow irregular kids. We are glad you are fortunate to create an environment (time and resources) for your regular kid to pursue all those non-academic activities after school and in the summer.

[Anonymous]

I'm not 12:40, but there's a difference between hiring tutors specifically to prep for GT testing and taking your kid to swimming lessons and art camp in the summer. No jealousy here, my DD tested in just fine having been allowed to be a regular kid with non-academic activities after school and in the summer. Different strokes for different folks, but I don't know why you'd assume 12:40 is jealous.

Why do you object to children not as smart, gifted and regular as yours to spend extra time doing academic activities after school? Are you envious? Do you want them to be like your kids? If not, why should you pull your hair out with worry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This except we're related. Their kids got tutored to get into GT. I don't say anything but feel sorry for their kids. When parents are like this it's more about them not their kids.

Funny, the kids I know in the GT program are happy as peach. Why do you feel sorry for them? You are really wasting your emotions. The kids that did not get in were very disappointed. All of them would have preferred to get in and I know many who try again for middle school magnets and when they get in these kids are euphoric. On the contrary, I am happy for them.

Have you ever vicariously experienced the sadness in a child that fails to meet a goal? (e.g., GT program acceptance, making junior olympic swim cut times)

Those children getting in the GT programs would feel sorry for you given your disposition to their accomplishments. No, some of these kids get it. They would probably laugh at you!

I feel sorry for them b/c their parents are putting a lot of pressure on them to succeed academically from a very young age. I wasn't in a GT program but started first grade as a 3 yr old and went to college at 15. Our parents were over involved tiger parents so I know where my siblings get it from. You would think they learned their lessons from their own childhood. So yeah, I'm very sad for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
For every kid who got in the GT program that was disappointed and sad I can name 30 that didn't get in and were literally despondent for months.

Wow, that's nuts! How would a kid that young possibly get the idea that it was that important? From their parents.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for them b/c their parents are putting a lot of pressure on them to succeed academically from a very young age. I wasn't in a GT program but started first grade as a 3 yr old and went to college at 15. Our parents were over involved tiger parents so I know where my siblings get it from. You would think they learned their lessons from their own childhood. So yeah, I'm very sad for the kids.

I do not feel sorry for these parents because of your perception their high academically performing kids are under a lot of pressure.

I feel sorry for the parents who failed to direct and mentor their kids early in life (primary school) and find themselves and kids behind as they hustle to get their kids back on academic track and into colleges -- to ultimately find these kids after university still getting up at midday on their basement couches. These are the kids, and parents, that are feeling the real pressure!

I'll take the high academically performing kid to the video watching and facebooking healthy regular kid that finds it difficult to get up by noon any day of the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I do not feel sorry for these parents because of your perception their high academically performing kids are under a lot of pressure.

Never said I felt sorry for the parents. The kids are in K and preschool, redshirted, and I feel sorry for them that they have academic pressure at such a young age nevermind their "high academic performance."

[Anonymous]

Wow, that's nuts! How would a kid that young possibly get the idea that it was that important? From their parents.

What's nuts about it? Is the psychologic make up of your child different...immunity to parental guidance and mentorship? I doubt it.

Look at any parent and young in the animal kingdom ... same dynamic.

You should recognise that some parents are more interested in soccer and lacrosse for their kids and some math competition. Accept it. Different strokes for different folks. There is nothing perverse about academic and/or athletic pursuits in children. Most of us are shaped by the experiences of our families and these experiences are quite variable as are our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
For every kid who got in the GT program that was disappointed and sad I can name 30 that didn't get in and were literally despondent for months.

Wow, that's nuts! How would a kid that young possibly get the idea that it was that important? From their parents.

+1

[Anonymous]

It's a good thing a kid recognises learning is important, recognises good from bad, and you go the bathroom for number 1 and 2. That's why you have parents. Kids also learn about what is important from what their parents and older siblings are doing. Therefore, computing and reading parents and children will foster computing and reading kids in general. No rocket science here. Kids learn from their parents. I'm surprised many here don't understand this. Getting to school on time and academic performance is a good thing. It will remain so. Our choice.

Those who prefer other activities (e.g., church going and lacrosse) are more then welcome to imbibe. No disapproval here and no jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I feel sorry for them b/c their parents are putting a lot of pressure on them to succeed academically from a very young age. I wasn't in a GT program but started first grade as a 3 yr old and went to college at 15. Our parents were over involved tiger parents so I know where my siblings get it from. You would think they learned their lessons from their own childhood. So yeah, I'm very sad for the kids.

I do not feel sorry for these parents because of your perception their high academically performing kids are under a lot of pressure.

I feel sorry for the parents who failed to direct and mentor their kids early in life (primary school) and find themselves and kids behind as they hustle to get their kids back on academic track and into colleges -- to ultimately find these kids after university still getting up at midday on their basement couches. These are the kids, and parents, that are feeling the real pressure!

I'll take the high academically performing kid to the video watching and facebooking healthy regular kid that finds it difficult to get up by noon any day of the week.

See, you just don't get it. The kids who aren't getting off their couches after college are not stuck in that rut because their parents didn't "mentor them" or put them in academic after school programs. This kind of failure to launch is emotional, NOT academic or intellectual. It affects kids who have no inner-directed reason to achieve, or are depressed, or feel like a failure if they can't be the absolute best at every possible thing. And the kinds of parents most likely to produce such an adult are the tiger parents.

Yeah, there are children of tiger moms who achieve everything their parents want them to (notice, their parents want them to. This breed of parenting is a form of narcissism.) and others who, once they can, do everything possible to thumb their noses at their parents Cause ultimately its the kids who are in control and the best way to prove that is to try to exert complete control over your children.

My DC is both a facebooking happy regular kid and a "high academically performing kid." Its only in the simplistic binary world of narcissism are the two mutually exclusive, are parents who aren't as controlling as them deemed destined to be failures.

[Anonymous]

I was at an open house for a "top 3" private and the AD specifically stated that those born in June, July or August will probably not be accepted into their pre k prgm - thus forcing a red shirt...

[Anonymous]

See, you just don't get it. The kids who aren't getting off their couches after college are not stuck in that rut because their parents didn't "mentor them" or put them in academic after school programs. This kind of failure to launch is emotional, NOT academic or intellectual. It affects kids who have no inner-directed reason to achieve, or are depressed, or feel like a failure if they can't be the absolute best at every possible thing. And the kinds of parents most likely to produce such an adult are the tiger parents.

Yeah, there are children of tiger moms who achieve everything their parents want them to (notice, their parents want them to. This breed of parenting is a form of narcissism.) and others who, once they can, do everything possible to thumb their noses at their parents Cause ultimately its the kids who are in control and the best way to prove that is to try to exert complete control over your children.

My DC is both a facebooking happy regular kid and a "high academically performing kid." Its only in the simplistic binary world of narcissism are the two mutually exclusive, are parents who aren't as controlling as them deemed destined to be failures.

I get it all right. You want Tiger moms to reel in their happy high academically performing kids in order to free up spaces for your happy facebooking and high academically performing kids in our magnet schools at the elementary, middle school, college, graduate school and professional school levels? If both our kids are happy and high performers why should any of us change? Give me one good reason. My child is not aspiring for your child's lifestyle.