Friend wants to have a baby - 54 years old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? My parents are in their 50s and are grandparents. I think your friend's fertility ship has sailed.

Then why are you on this forum if you're a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's nuts. Hopefully it is a phase. I am an older mom and it is hard! Grant it if she has a lot of money and can hire full time help 24 hours plus has supportive family, tHat could be another story.

What age did you have your child, or children? I am wondering what you feel is the upper limits for having a child and it not being really hard.

I am an older mom (45 yo mother of a 7 yo and 3 yo), and while I don't find it necessarily hard at this age, I do think 54 is a bit too old . . .

[Anonymous]

i don't think its medically possible with your own eggs at 54?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? My parents are in their 50s and are grandparents. I think your friend's fertility ship has sailed.

Then why are you on this forum if you're a child?

It comes up on recent topics, bitter oldster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's nuts. Hopefully it is a phase. I am an older mom and it is hard! Grant it if she has a lot of money and can hire full time help 24 hours plus has supportive family, tHat could be another story.

What age did you have your child, or children? I am wondering what you feel is the upper limits for having a child and it not being really hard.

I am an older mom (45 yo mother of a 7 yo and 3 yo), and while I don't find it necessarily hard at this age, I do think 54 is a bit too old . . .

Hey, I just found out from you that I'm apparently an older mom, too!
Who'd a thunk it?

54 is absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? My parents are in their 50s and are grandparents. I think your friend's fertility ship has sailed.

Then why are you on this forum if you're a child?

It comes up on recent topics, bitter oldster.

I am sorry I called you bitter. It was uncalled for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elizabeth Edwards had kids just before and just after 50, with lots of fertility drugs...but look what happened to her.

Sadly- I think the lots of fertility drugs at her be contributed to the aggressive breast cancer.

That is a scary thought. Do you have any scientific path to this analysis or are you speculating? Not meant to be snarky, honestly curious if there are some indicators of cancer triggers from fertility treatments that do not get a lot of press.

[Anonymous]

Whew. Well, it's her life, OP. I don't know. Personally, I'm thinking of maybe taking the leap on another houseplant since that's about all I feel I want to handle at this point.

Maybe it's a phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's nuts. Hopefully it is a phase. I am an older mom and it is hard! Grant it if she has a lot of money and can hire full time help 24 hours plus has supportive family, tHat could be another story.

What age did you have your child, or children? I am wondering what you feel is the upper limits for having a child and it not being really hard.

Not this poster but having had my second at the age of 44 I can attempt to answer this.

I think it definitely depends on the individual circumstance, such as the woman in question and her general health/ wellbeing, how many other children she has, how involved she is with her career, financial situation, circumstances with other family members' health issues, DH's situation, etc etc etc. I know women who have young children in their late 40's who are far better at coping with it than women 10 or 15 years younger.

However, I have found that you cannot deny biology and at some point, no matter how great a shape you're in, years of living start to catch up with you and you will find yourself more tired simply because you're older. That's happening now for me, as I just passed my 50th birthday. I am very thankful that I do not have kids younger than my 6 year old, who is starting to become a little more independent. So I would say that mid-forties for giving birth is pushing this to the limit.

I could have written this PP's response. I am 45 with a 6 month old who was born when I was 44. She's my second. I had my first in my 30s. It's just much more tiring now than in my late 30s. Add another decade, and I am sure I'd be spent.

You might want to buy her a copy of the book "Hot Flashes, Warm Bottles" or "But I Don't Feel Too Old to Be a Mommy", both of which were given to me when I found out I was expecting no. 2. You can get them on Amazon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? My parents are in their 50s and are grandparents. I think your friend's fertility ship has sailed.

Then why are you on this forum if you're a child?

It comes up on recent topics, bitter oldster.

Unless you plan to off yourself soon (which, sadly, I doubt), you'll eventually hit the 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? My parents are in their 50s and are grandparents. I think your friend's fertility ship has sailed.

Then why are you on this forum if you're a child?

It comes up on recent topics, bitter oldster.

Unless you plan to off yourself soon (which, sadly, I doubt), you'll eventually hit the 50s.

Let it go! She already apologized!

[Anonymous]

Private adoption is her only option in this area. SG will only go to 51 with donor eggs. I don't know about the other clinics in the area, but I suspect that 54 is too old for all of them. I'm not sure she would even be able to find a clinic in the US to do DE IVF for her at that age. I think the Society for Repro Medicine might even have ethical standards that prohibit attempting to do do this in the US. She might be able to go to India where they don't seem to have any qualms about implanting DE in post menopausal women. There was an article in the Post a year or two back about how 70 year olds in India were having babies with DE. (If anyone wants to look it up I know it was Aug.13, but I'm not sure of the year)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private adoption is her only option in this area. SG will only go to 51 with donor eggs. I don't know about the other clinics in the area, but I suspect that 54 is too old for all of them. I'm not sure she would even be able to find a clinic in the US to do DE IVF for her at that age. I think the Society for Repro Medicine might even have ethical standards that prohibit attempting to do do this in the US. She might be able to go to India where they don't seem to have any qualms about implanting DE in post menopausal women. There was an article in the Post a year or two back about how 70 year olds in India were having babies with DE. (If anyone wants to look it up I know it was Aug.13, but I'm not sure of the year)

For donor eggs in this area she should look at Genetics and IVF (GIVF), which may still go up to 55 for DE. Outside this area, she should check Cooper (in New Jersey) and other IVF clinics using the SART/CDC statistics. If she is serious, she needs to move quickly. For insight on DE, she should get on message boards on Network54.com regarding Looking to be a Mom via Egg Donation (the yellow board) and Parenting over 50. For you as a friend, hopefully you can see your way to being supportive of whatever choice she makes. Any and all of them are stressful. And if she goes forward with a baby, she will be out of sync, if you will, with her peers and longtime friends and you can be a great supporter of her in that regard.

[Anonymous]

A woman in Ireland just gave birth at age 54. The articles implied it was a natural conception, but no idea if that's true. I've read it's possible to get pregnant up to about age 55 for a very slight number of women. The oldest age on record for giving birth to a naturally-conceived healthy baby is 56.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private adoption is her only option in this area. SG will only go to 51 with donor eggs. I don't know about the other clinics in the area, but I suspect that 54 is too old for all of them. I'm not sure she would even be able to find a clinic in the US to do DE IVF for her at that age. I think the Society for Repro Medicine might even have ethical standards that prohibit attempting to do do this in the US. She might be able to go to India where they don't seem to have any qualms about implanting DE in post menopausal women. There was an article in the Post a year or two back about how 70 year olds in India were having babies with DE. (If anyone wants to look it up I know it was Aug.13, but I'm not sure of the year)

For donor eggs in this area she should look at Genetics and IVF (GIVF), which may still go up to 55 for DE. Outside this area, she should check Cooper (in New Jersey) and other IVF clinics using the SART/CDC statistics. If she is serious, she needs to move quickly. For insight on DE, she should get on message boards on Network54.com regarding Looking to be a Mom via Egg Donation (the yellow board) and Parenting over 50. For you as a friend, hopefully you can see your way to being supportive of whatever choice she makes. Any and all of them are stressful. And if she goes forward with a baby, she will be out of sync, if you will, with her peers and longtime friends and you can be a great supporter of her in that regard.

Here's what I don't understand. Yes, this is a supportive community and a supportive board, but why do people feel like they have to give "helpful" information when someone has such as stupid idea? I'm being totally serious. This woman needs to grow up -- wake up -- and realize that her ship has sailed, as far as having a baby goes. 54 is not old in the big scheme of things and there are a lot of things one can accomplish then, but having a baby -- creativing a new baby -- at that point in life, with all of the money, medical issues, not to mention ethical issues involved -- is crazy.

And by the way, where is OP on this?