Friend wants to have a baby - 54 years old
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Anonymous
| at 50 your body is not equipped to carry or birth a baby without alot of complications. Further more she might be dead before college graduation. Its a bit weird. Oh and with men its different because usually the wife is in child bearing age and the man is in his 50s (30s and 50s) |
Anonymous
| i think SG says you are not able to do anything with embryos when you turn 53 (or 55?) |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Op here, I want to encourage her to follow her heart but I feel so concerned for her health and if she will be physically healthy. She is newly married and I think this is the happiest that I have ever seen her. I feel so conflicted, is it false hope I am giving if I encourage her? I also do not want to discourage her from doing something she has always dreamed of.
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Anonymous
If you really feel this way, the nicest thing you can do is distance yourself from your friend because an IVF journey with donor eggs is already difficult and stressful enough without having a judgmental friend who can't quite keep her uncharitable thoughts to herself. If you can't be wholly supportive of her, then stay away. Whether she does this or not, she'll have had a consultation with an RE who will have advised her what her reasonable expectations are and determine whether there are any health risks to herself and any baby that she carries. Her health is not your business, but the business of your friend, her husband and her doctor. A good friend will be supportive of her in whatever she chooses to do without qualifications. |
Anonymous
OP, I'm sort of in the same boat. I have a friend who is 56 and seems to have all of a sudden remembered that she has frozen embryos stored from when she and her DH had their children via IVF 14 years ago. She is actually talking about trying to get pregnant and using them. I know how hard this situation is, but I think you owe it to her to be frank with her. And frankly she, and my friend, are nuts. They are, IMHO, suffering from mid-life crises and think that they can solve all of their feel-of-aging problems by giving birth. I've "always dreamed" of having 100 million dollars and living in the south of France, but ya know what? At 49, I'm realizing it ain't gonna happen. Tell your friend to enjoy her wonderful new married life and accept that none of us gets everything in life. |
Anonymous
Are you serious? That is absurd. |
Anonymous
Why, it isn't your life. You won't be raising these children. You can give her your opinion about what she is about to do and then once she's heard your arguments, be supportive of whatever she decides to do. Say your piece and then hold your peace or distance yourself so that she can go through with her plans without being the argumentative, difficult friend. If you don't distance yourself, hopefully she'll be smart enough to realize that she should distance herself from you. An IVF transfer, pregnancy and raising children as an older parent are difficult enough without having a judgmental difficult friendship criticizing on the side. |
Anonymous
| Even if this works, and it likely won't, at least not without a lot of difficulty, she'll be collecting Social Security when the kid is 10 years old. Is this fair to the kid? |
Anonymous
| This is ridiculous. Entitlement culture. |
Anonymous
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She can't give birth to a baby now without a lot of medical treatments, i.e. donor eggs is her only option. If she can't carry then she'd need a surrogate as well.
Tell her that she must go and talk to her doctor about having a baby. Just tell her she needs to go to find out what her options are. I'm sure the doctor will fill her in on all the details (donor egg stuff - but you don't need to mention it, the doctor will tell her). |
Anonymous
| She's nuts. Hopefully it is a phase. I am an older mom and it is hard! Grant it if she has a lot of money and can hire full time help 24 hours plus has supportive family, tHat could be another story. |
Anonymous
What age did you have your child, or children? I am wondering what you feel is the upper limits for having a child and it not being really hard. |
Anonymous
Not this poster but having had my second at the age of 44 I can attempt to answer this. I think it definitely depends on the individual circumstance, such as the woman in question and her general health/ wellbeing, how many other children she has, how involved she is with her career, financial situation, circumstances with other family members' health issues, DH's situation, etc etc etc. I know women who have young children in their late 40's who are far better at coping with it than women 10 or 15 years younger. However, I have found that you cannot deny biology and at some point, no matter how great a shape you're in, years of living start to catch up with you and you will find yourself more tired simply because you're older. That's happening now for me, as I just passed my 50th birthday. I am very thankful that I do not have kids younger than my 6 year old, who is starting to become a little more independent. So I would say that mid-forties for giving birth is pushing this to the limit. |
Anonymous
Sadly- I think the lots of fertility drugs at her be contributed to the aggressive breast cancer. |