How much is a SAHM worth?

[Anonymous]

"Do families where one parents sah do things more thoroughly or more carefully or with more detail and planning b/c they are not trying to meet work obligations as well? Probably."

The SAH parent has more time to waste on B.S.


"He had better remarry pronto or else his family will go to hell in a handbasket should I cease to be."

He can hire a nanny and bang her in your bed. The kids will be fine.

Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Nannies are no longer banging their bosses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get articles like this. Nothing against SAHMS and the work they do, and I do think it sucks that alimony is less common now, when many SAHMS support their husband's career, but come on. Let's pretend we aren't moms and we are breaking this down: a single woman without kids ALSO does laundry, works out (so she get paid as a personal trainer), cooks, cleans, etc.

And as a WOHM and my husband, a WOHD, we do this stuff too - cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, driving kids around. Yes, we outsource childcare during the day and we do outsource housecleaning once a month, but the rest of it we do.

I just think it is a silly way to value SAHMS. How about just acknowledging, it's hard work.

I agree with you to a point. Certain jobs, however, are almost impossible to perform without a SAH spouse. For example, a litigation partner at a big law firm or a principal at a major strategy consulting firm. When I was in IP litigation, every associate and partner with small to elementary school age children had a SAH spouse -- there was no way to do the job otherwise. If both spouses are in such demanding jobs, there is absolutely no time at all to do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, driving kids around, etc. So, your hypothetical single woman can work and do SAH duties only if she is not in such a demanding job.

Let's not devalue SAHM just because your job allows for housework.

As earth shattering as this may sound: my DH is a partner in BIGLAW and gasp, I manage to work full time as a lawyer as well. And we have a 2 year old. And the sky has not fallen, chicken little. Things get done.

[Anonymous]

"As earth shattering as this may sound: my DH is a partner in BIGLAW and gasp, I manage to work full time as a lawyer as well. And we have a 2 year old. And the sky has not fallen, chicken little. Things get done. "

LOL exactly. Another lawyer wife of a lawyer husband here, two kids.

[Anonymous]

Yes, FT trial attorney and management consulting firm director here. We manage quite nicely. No nanny. One time per week cleaning service. We do everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get articles like this. Nothing against SAHMS and the work they do, and I do think it sucks that alimony is less common now, when many SAHMS support their husband's career, but come on. Let's pretend we aren't moms and we are breaking this down: a single woman without kids ALSO does laundry, works out (so she get paid as a personal trainer), cooks, cleans, etc.

And as a WOHM and my husband, a WOHD, we do this stuff too - cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, driving kids around. Yes, we outsource childcare during the day and we do outsource housecleaning once a month, but the rest of it we do.

I just think it is a silly way to value SAHMS. How about just acknowledging, it's hard work.

I agree with you to a point. Certain jobs, however, are almost impossible to perform without a SAH spouse. For example, a litigation partner at a big law firm or a principal at a major strategy consulting firm. When I was in IP litigation, every associate and partner with small to elementary school age children had a SAH spouse -- there was no way to do the job otherwise. If both spouses are in such demanding jobs, there is absolutely no time at all to do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, driving kids around, etc. So, your hypothetical single woman can work and do SAH duties only if she is not in such a demanding job.

Let's not devalue SAHM just because your job allows for housework.

No job is impossible without a SAHM spouse. You typically outsource things and they get done. Lots of dual income families around here with at least one having an intense job. I agree it's better for the kids if at least one spouse has a more regular job (less intense) and I think the true ideal is when both parents have these jobs, at least for my family. There is nothing about my post that devalued SAHMs. The article is silly. This stuff needs to get done whether mom stays home or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hm..

chef, driver, nanny, cleaning lady, nurse, personal organizer, personal shopper, secretary, tutor, coach, psychologist, nutritionist, teacher, event planer, etc... quite expensive.

Even when the SAHM is lousy at all?

Well, yes, to a degree. Because the vast majority of SAHMs really care about and know their children in a way that most hired help never could. So it would be almost impossible to 'hire' someone to be a 'mom'. Having a staff of 4-8 people to do the job that a SAHM does, regardless of what you paid them to do it, would never be able to replicate what the SAHM does b/c she is the executive in addition to being the staff. The executive is the person who has the big picture and vision. This is what I most fear would suffer should I die while our dc are young. My dh, bless his heart, either pays no attention to important details or else pays too much attention to insignificant details and if, god forbid, I get sick, you would think the sky will fall if dh needs to take off time off. He has no time for this stuff b/c he is completely consumed by his business. Which is usually fine, b/c I don't mind. But don't tell me that my job can be hired out or that wohm don't either delegate more to their dh, cleaning service or nanny or else have incredibly flexible jobs that allow for plenty of time to do things during the day or flex time. For example, even if after my untimely demise my dh were to hire 24/7 live in nanny coverage with a nanny who cooked and cleaned, he would also need to hire a house manager to pay attention to and organize routine maintenance such as HVAC inspections, chimney cleaning, appliance repair, etc. The nanny would need to be responsible for meal planning and preparation and grocery shopping. The nanny would need to manage, plan and implement all health care related needs of the children: check ups, dental visits, etc. as well as stay aware of and informed about and advocate for dc educational progress and needs as well as keep dh informed of all events that may require his attendance: conferences, plays, musicals, etc. Birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, all gifts, notes, acknowledgements, social engagements and obligations of any kind for both adults and children. Holiday decorating, celebrations, traditions. Summer planning, vacations, holidays, weekend outings, sports tryouts, games, team selection....you know what I mean, right?

Most couples I know who both wohm delegate these tasks evenly between them and/or rely more on outside help to get them done. Family where one parents sah or works very part time have the 'luxury' of having a parent who can focus more energy on career and one who can focus more energy on home and family. Because let's face it, somethings gotta give. Do families where one parents sah do things more thoroughly or more carefully or with more detail and planning b/c they are not trying to meet work obligations as well? Probably. I'm sure that some families are better at balancing that others, both due to the types of jobs the parents have, the dynamics of their relationship and the personalities, strengths and needs of the parents and children. But the executive functioning of a family usually falls to the mom, who usually is the one to sah. In my case, my dh has had his nose to the grindstone in his career and I have worried about everything else. If there is an issue he needs to pay attention to with the kids, I tell him what it is and he does, but in his mind, no news is good news. He had better remarry pronto or else his family will go to hell in a handbasket should I cease to be.

this is so sad to me. I always love the SAHM argument that they take care of things like chimney cleaning and dentist appointments. How often do those things happen? You don't work in case the chimney needs cleaning?
Also, the line "keep DH informed of all the events that may require his attendance" - seriously? Are you his assistant or his wife?

[Anonymous]

"Also, the line "keep DH informed of all the events that may require his attendance" - seriously? Are you his assistant or his wife? "

Or nagging shrew?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Don't envy me! I have to spend every second of my evening disciplined and organized. I have NO downtime, and neither does my DH. It is very important that i cook healthy meals and spend 80% of my evenings doing food prep and 20% cleaning. I chooses to work, but there is also a price I pay. I cannot tell you the last time I watched TV, we shoudl cancel the cable, cause we don't have time to watch it. Throw in sports and school activities and we are running at 1,000MPH, I'm just very happy to have a DH that shares equally in the domestic duties, there is no way I could do this alone!"


You and DH must be very slooooow workers.

What do you mean? Slow at domestic duties or slow at work?

I put a lot of effort into cooking. Nothing we eat is pre-packaged and we don't eat any meals out of the home (including breakfast and lunches). We also live in a very clean home...all of this takes time. I would have a ton of time, if I popped some frozen nuggets and peas in the microwave and a box of Kraft for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Don't envy me! I have to spend every second of my evening disciplined and organized. I have NO downtime, and neither does my DH. It is very important that i cook healthy meals and spend 80% of my evenings doing food prep and 20% cleaning. I chooses to work, but there is also a price I pay. I cannot tell you the last time I watched TV, we shoudl cancel the cable, cause we don't have time to watch it. Throw in sports and school activities and we are running at 1,000MPH, I'm just very happy to have a DH that shares equally in the domestic duties, there is no way I could do this alone!"


You and DH must be very slooooow workers.

What do you mean? Slow at domestic duties or slow at work?

I put a lot of effort into cooking. Nothing we eat is pre-packaged and we don't eat any meals out of the home (including breakfast and lunches). We also live in a very clean home...all of this takes time. I would have a ton of time, if I popped some frozen nuggets and peas in the microwave and a box of Kraft for dinner.

Just ignore that poster calling you slow, she's being nasty. Obviously you put a lot more time and effort into the quality of things that need doing than the average person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Don't envy me! I have to spend every second of my evening disciplined and organized. I have NO downtime, and neither does my DH. It is very important that i cook healthy meals and spend 80% of my evenings doing food prep and 20% cleaning. I chooses to work, but there is also a price I pay. I cannot tell you the last time I watched TV, we shoudl cancel the cable, cause we don't have time to watch it. Throw in sports and school activities and we are running at 1,000MPH, I'm just very happy to have a DH that shares equally in the domestic duties, there is no way I could do this alone!"


You and DH must be very slooooow workers.

What do you mean? Slow at domestic duties or slow at work?

I put a lot of effort into cooking. Nothing we eat is pre-packaged and we don't eat any meals out of the home (including breakfast and lunches). We also live in a very clean home...all of this takes time. I would have a ton of time, if I popped some frozen nuggets and peas in the microwave and a box of Kraft for dinner.

You might have a better personality if you removed that stick from up your ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Don't envy me! I have to spend every second of my evening disciplined and organized. I have NO downtime, and neither does my DH. It is very important that i cook healthy meals and spend 80% of my evenings doing food prep and 20% cleaning. I chooses to work, but there is also a price I pay. I cannot tell you the last time I watched TV, we shoudl cancel the cable, cause we don't have time to watch it. Throw in sports and school activities and we are running at 1,000MPH, I'm just very happy to have a DH that shares equally in the domestic duties, there is no way I could do this alone!"


You and DH must be very slooooow workers.

What do you mean? Slow at domestic duties or slow at work?

I put a lot of effort into cooking. Nothing we eat is pre-packaged and we don't eat any meals out of the home (including breakfast and lunches). We also live in a very clean home...all of this takes time. I would have a ton of time, if I popped some frozen nuggets and peas in the microwave and a box of Kraft for dinner.

You might have a better personality if you removed that stick from up your ass.

hahaha, too funny when an ugly person tries to be insulting!!

[Anonymous]

"Nothing we eat is pre-packaged and we don't eat any meals out of the home (including breakfast and lunches). "

Kudos to those WOHMs who manage to do this - or even just cook each night (instead of reheating)! I WOHM FT and so does DH - we aim to cook 2 to 3 weeknights and the others are left-overs or something simple like heat-ups or sandwiches. I am fine with this though. Being "intense" about dinner would be wonderful if one of us SAH but would break us as is now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Nothing we eat is pre-packaged and we don't eat any meals out of the home (including breakfast and lunches). "

Kudos to those WOHMs who manage to do this - or even just cook each night (instead of reheating)! I WOHM FT and so does DH - we aim to cook 2 to 3 weeknights and the others are left-overs or something simple like heat-ups or sandwiches. I am fine with this though. Being "intense" about dinner would be wonderful if one of us SAH but would break us as is now.

I'm the poster you are quoting. I need to clairify, I do bulk cooking 2-3 nights a week, so there is definitly a lot of re-heating going on in our house. I have 2 boys who are both in sports, so I have to prepare for nights that we have 15 min to prep and cook and eat.

Again, I'm so grateful to have a husband who shares the same view about the importance of home cooked whole foods (we also are on a tight food budget, so out of necessity, we don't do packaged food as well). I could never do this alone without his partneship. He also handles all of the laundry in the house and with two growing boys, that in itself is huge task! When you have a spouse that you divide and conquer with, it makes things much much easier. My DH also works a fairly normal schedule with a 45hr work week and a short commute.

[Anonymous]

Did OP intend to create YET ANOTHER mom-war debate? This is getting incredibly old.