Husband threatened to cheat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be harsh, but he is correct.

If you care about your marriage, discuss with your doctor what is uncomfortable about it and what can be done about that. It's already been months, and it sounds like he's pretty frustrated.

Instead of shooting him down, tell him you are making a doctor appointment to address this issue. If he's a decent guy, he will be patient while you work on figuring this out.

No one gets good sex by threatening. The best way for the spouse to get his wife interested in sex again is to approach it as a caring loving partner. The sexiest thing he could do is take on a greater share of the child care. Go care for the baby when he/she cries at night. If the baby needs to nurse (ie, mom MUST be involved), bring the baby to her, and when the baby is done feeding, take him /her to burp and put back to bed. Or talk about mom pumping during the day so she can sleep through a night feeding. Give her more time away from the baby and house chores during the day. Do this for a month, and see if she doesn't suddenly find sex with you much more appealing.

And yes, of course, if there are new pains etc associated with sex, a discussion with the doctor is appropriate. It is never healthy for either partner to approach sex as a demand or requirement from a partner. Take a lowering of desire as something both of you can lovingly address together.

Be real. Choreplay will just lead to duty sex that both partners will end up hating and resenting.

OP, can you ever envision being sexually attracted to your DH again (if you ever were)? The real answer lies in that question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a baby 5 months ago and turned him down for sex, I told him that I don’t enjoy sex anymore after giving birth. He got all angry and said “see, this is why men cheat”, so basically threatening or justifying cheating because he’s not getting sex from me. This is making me distraught, I don’t know if he’s already cheating or just thinking about it. What do I do!

To be clear, youre 5 months PP and already have had sex multiple occasions where you know the bolded? If yes, is it painful or not enjoyable? Have you had pelvic PT?

Lastly, any guy who hears his wife doesnt enjoy sex anymore and responds as above and not with.. damn why whats going on? Is it physical or are you just not feeling like yourself? At the very least, a 'has it or does it hurt you' would be considerate.

OP tread carefully. Coercion is a real thing in many marriages. If he isnt supporting you in resolving the issues you are having then only you can decide if that feels like a partnership.

[Anonymous]

You take one for the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him. Nobody wants your old man. I know single men with their own place who can't get any.
And do think about becoming single if you don't want to ever do it again or any time soon. It's going to be a long 18 years otherwise.
I had to hide in the closet from my partner (not married). He said it was my duty. I didn't agree.
I got out and went on to have some really good sex, but when I wanted and with whom I wanted. It just wasn't him as he had become selfish and mean.

lol. yeah the issue is as a guy, a lot of your dating appeal comes from being able to commit to a monogamous relationship. If you’re married w/ a hallpass you offer nothing in the way of relationships and you must either be physically attractive or simply pay for it. Average married guy w/ a potbelly isn’t getting casual sex too easily

[Anonymous]

Threads like this make me so thankful for my wife. She’ll literally start getting mad at me and making comments if we go more than a week without doing it. I’m sure its one of the reasons our relationship has been so good the last 20+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be harsh, but he is correct.

If you care about your marriage, discuss with your doctor what is uncomfortable about it and what can be done about that. It's already been months, and it sounds like he's pretty frustrated.

Instead of shooting him down, tell him you are making a doctor appointment to address this issue. If he's a decent guy, he will be patient while you work on figuring this out.

You sound…. dumb.


AF.

np.. ? why? I think that's good advice.

I think op saying " I told him that I don’t enjoy sex anymore after giving birth." was dumb AF tbh.

And I'm a mom, so I know how Op feels, but you really seriously cannot expect your DH to not have sex. At minimum, give him a handjob. That's what I did for a while until I felt normal again.

We've been married for 24 years, and now I'm in menopause. It hurts to have sex, even with lube. So, I just give him handjobs this past year. To my knowledge, he's never cheated. We both wfh so he's no opportunity to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a baby 5 months ago and turned him down for sex, I told him that I don’t enjoy sex anymore after giving birth. He got all angry and said “see, this is why men cheat”, so basically threatening or justifying cheating because he’s not getting sex from me. This is making me distraught, I don’t know if he’s already cheating or just thinking about it. What do I do!

What do you do? You put out. It's not hard.

Team DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be harsh, but he is correct.

If you care about your marriage, discuss with your doctor what is uncomfortable about it and what can be done about that. It's already been months, and it sounds like he's pretty frustrated.

Instead of shooting him down, tell him you are making a doctor appointment to address this issue. If he's a decent guy, he will be patient while you work on figuring this out.

Ladies, take notes. If your husband gets ED, let him know you might get some on the side.

This already happens, dumbass. And it's not an issue here. Obviously, he gets it up and wants to get off. If she tells him she doesn't want sex anymore, he's within his rights to dip his wick elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t going to end well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be harsh, but he is correct.

If you care about your marriage, discuss with your doctor what is uncomfortable about it and what can be done about that. It's already been months, and it sounds like he's pretty frustrated.

Instead of shooting him down, tell him you are making a doctor appointment to address this issue. If he's a decent guy, he will be patient while you work on figuring this out.

You sound…. dumb.


AF.

You sound worthless.

And alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just had a baby 5 months ago and turned him down for sex, I told him that I don’t enjoy sex anymore after giving birth. He got all angry and said “see, this is why men cheat”, so basically threatening or justifying cheating because he’s not getting sex from me. This is making me distraught, I don’t know if he’s already cheating or just thinking about it. What do I do!

To be clear, youre 5 months PP and already have had sex multiple occasions where you know the bolded? If yes, is it painful or not enjoyable? Have you had pelvic PT?

Lastly, any guy who hears his wife doesnt enjoy sex anymore and responds as above and not with.. damn why whats going on? Is it physical or are you just not feeling like yourself? At the very least, a 'has it or does it hurt you' would be considerate.

OP tread carefully. Coercion is a real thing in many marriages. If he isnt supporting you in resolving the issues you are having then only you can decide if that feels like a partnership.

Sure, deflect blame back on husband. SMFH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is insufferable. What a horrible husband. I’d say divorce him, but now you are stuck.
Your body is yours, and he has no right to demand or threaten.
Focus on your child now. Put as much money as you can in a separate account. It will be a long road.

Yeah sure, listen to this "your husband is not entitled to sex" chick. See where that gets you.

[Anonymous]

Op, you are at fault here. You need to look into the issue and sex is very important part of marriage. How long do you think he could go without doing it?

also, what if tomorrow, he decide to not share his paycheck with you? That would be his choice that you have to be ok with!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but this is written like a troll.

1000% troll-post.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, this happened to me postpartum too after our first. I had horrible damage from a third degree tear and sex was painful and not enjoyable the way it was previously. It didn’t go away for about a year, and even after that, I still tried to have sex w DH about once a week or once every two weeks at least. That was tough for our marriage, but I thought it was cruel to withhold sex forever.

Pelvic floor PT helped. Reading x rated stories / the trashy/fluffy romance novels helped. Having a second baby actually changed my life. The doctor restitched me and helped fix some of the damage from the previous tear. I felt like a new person again and sex felt the same way it had before my first.