Husband threatened to cheat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be harsh, but he is correct.

If you care about your marriage, discuss with your doctor what is uncomfortable about it and what can be done about that. It's already been months, and it sounds like he's pretty frustrated.

Instead of shooting him down, tell him you are making a doctor appointment to address this issue. If he's a decent guy, he will be patient while you work on figuring this out.

Ladies, take notes. If your husband gets ED, let him know you might get some on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a baby 5 months ago and turned him down for sex, I told him that I don’t enjoy sex anymore after giving birth. He got all angry and said “see, this is why men cheat”, so basically threatening or justifying cheating because he’s not getting sex from me. This is making me distraught, I don’t know if he’s already cheating or just thinking about it. What do I do!

Those who bark, rarely bite. Instead of having doubts, have a discussion on how you feel physically and emotionally overwhelmed and how together you two can work on getting things back to normal. May be get few therapy sessions to help you understand each other’s feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be harsh, but he is correct.

If you care about your marriage, discuss with your doctor what is uncomfortable about it and what can be done about that. It's already been months, and it sounds like he's pretty frustrated.

Instead of shooting him down, tell him you are making a doctor appointment to address this issue. If he's a decent guy, he will be patient while you work on figuring this out.

Ladies, take notes. If your husband gets ED, let him know you might get some on the side.

Unless he has mouth dysfunction, just keep having sex. If he isn't interested, then get some on the side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be harsh, but he is correct.

If you care about your marriage, discuss with your doctor what is uncomfortable about it and what can be done about that. It's already been months, and it sounds like he's pretty frustrated.

Instead of shooting him down, tell him you are making a doctor appointment to address this issue. If he's a decent guy, he will be patient while you work on figuring this out.

Ladies, take notes. If your husband gets ED, let him know you might get some on the side.

Or he could communicate with you and seek help from a doctor. If he cares about his marriage, that is.

[Anonymous]

Op, you have to work with your DH and see he gets a release. what issues you are facing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, he’s not threatening to cheat. He is expressing to you how sexually frustrated he is.

Your situation is unclear. Do you think now that you have a baby, sex with your husband is just over? I can see why your husband is upset and feeling desperate.

On the other hand, you are exhausted and may have physical issues from the birth. Do you actually miss sex with your husband want to have it? If so, express this to him in a kind way, and maybe you guys can figure out how to take away some of the roadblocks.

You have not told us what type of dad and husband he is. If he is always a jerk and isn’t helpful, that’s one situation, but if he is a great dad and husband, that is entirely different. We need more info to give you advice.

The way he expressed that he’s frustrated was not okay. But, otherwise, I agree with this PP and think these are all valid questions. If you’re telling him you just don’t want to have sex anymore, it’s understandable that he’s upset and frustrated. I think you need to be specific about the issues and find a way to work through them.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP.

I would suggest speaking to a professional about how you feel.
I am sure you are feeling overwhelmed ➕ stressed w/a young baby but you should also crave some intimacy w/your husband as well at times.

[Anonymous]

Don’t have more kids
He’s probably cheating already or will soon
Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a baby 5 months ago and turned him down for sex, I told him that I don’t enjoy sex anymore after giving birth. He got all angry and said “see, this is why men cheat”, so basically threatening or justifying cheating because he’s not getting sex from me. This is making me distraught, I don’t know if he’s already cheating or just thinking about it. What do I do!

Open up the back door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anymore? What a ridiculous statement Op. You made it sound like your "no" answer was forever. No wonder he's mad. He should be. But maybe you just didn't choose your words well.

You really *should* be ready to resume sex soon. Or I would suggest he leave you!!

There is no “should.” No one has to have sex with anyone. But no one should have to become celibate because their partner has. OP is free to abstain and her husband is free to find someone else. After the divorce.

You mean after she is done taking all of his assets because she is flaky?

Are you assuming he has any? Perhaps she has the money. Sexist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just had a baby 5 months ago and turned him down for sex, I told him that I don’t enjoy sex anymore after giving birth. He got all angry and said “see, this is why men cheat”, so basically threatening or justifying cheating because he’s not getting sex from me. This is making me distraught, I don’t know if he’s already cheating or just thinking about it. What do I do!

Your need to repair your commitment to your marriage, or make an alternate arrangement, or divorce.

Your post betrays an incredible selfishness and complete lack of interest in your husband. Did you Mary him just to get a sperm donation?

[Anonymous]

He is insufferable. What a horrible husband. I’d say divorce him, but now you are stuck.
Your body is yours, and he has no right to demand or threaten.
Focus on your child now. Put as much money as you can in a separate account. It will be a long road.

[Anonymous]

Let him. Nobody wants your old man. I know single men with their own place who can't get any.
And do think about becoming single if you don't want to ever do it again or any time soon. It's going to be a long 18 years otherwise.
I had to hide in the closet from my partner (not married). He said it was my duty. I didn't agree.
I got out and went on to have some really good sex, but when I wanted and with whom I wanted. It just wasn't him as he had become selfish and mean.

[Anonymous]

I suggest you two go away if you have someone you trust to watch your baby. Just a weekend away. Wine and lube can do wonders.

And talk to your doctor. Are you depressed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not trying to be harsh, but he is correct.

If you care about your marriage, discuss with your doctor what is uncomfortable about it and what can be done about that. It's already been months, and it sounds like he's pretty frustrated.

Instead of shooting him down, tell him you are making a doctor appointment to address this issue. If he's a decent guy, he will be patient while you work on figuring this out.

No one gets good sex by threatening. The best way for the spouse to get his wife interested in sex again is to approach it as a caring loving partner. The sexiest thing he could do is take on a greater share of the child care. Go care for the baby when he/she cries at night. If the baby needs to nurse (ie, mom MUST be involved), bring the baby to her, and when the baby is done feeding, take him /her to burp and put back to bed. Or talk about mom pumping during the day so she can sleep through a night feeding. Give her more time away from the baby and house chores during the day. Do this for a month, and see if she doesn't suddenly find sex with you much more appealing.

And yes, of course, if there are new pains etc associated with sex, a discussion with the doctor is appropriate. It is never healthy for either partner to approach sex as a demand or requirement from a partner. Take a lowering of desire as something both of you can lovingly address together.