Anti aging and pedophilic patriarchy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a woman who has always looked young for my age and spent my 20s and early 30s looking like a 13 yr old girl (almost no curves, very thin, very young looking face), I already knew this.

In my 20s, I very rapidly learned that my appearance had a tendency to attract men who had straight up pedophilia leanings. I got hit on and asked out by older men a lot, and quickly started self selecting only towards men my own age or even a couple years younger as a safety precaution. Many men were extremely open about what they found appealing about me and my body, including just telling me that my size and appearance made them feel "powerful" or "like a protector". I was sexually assaulted when I was 26 which made me incredibly wary of men in general but especially any man who was physically much bigger than I was or seemed sexually aggressive in any way.

I'm much older now (mid-40s) and no longer have this look. I've had kids and look more womanly and my face has aged. I have never had any desire to try and preserve my youthful appearance and actually love that I look mature and adult now. I have a lot of emotional scars from my experiences, not just with sexual assault but with a whole variety of of manipulative and exploitative relationships (especially in work settings) that in retrospect I think had a lot to do with how young and innocent I looked, which I think drew in people who have these impulses to dominate and overpower other people (men AND women, btw, anyone who thinks there are no women with these impulses is wrong).

The entire Epstein case has been both upsetting for me, dragging up old trauma, but it also feels like a relief in many ways. Listening to people talk about how they had no idea so many people were so interested in young women, or felt comfortable with the exploitation of young women whether they participated or not, feels deeply validating.

People like to "other" sexual predators, but I view it as all part of a big continuum that many people you know and encounter every day are on. A lot of people just want to be able to force other people to do what they want, and a lot of people settle on young women (either actual girls or just young adult women who they feel they can physically and emotionally control) as a target for those desires.

The answer is empowerment of women and of children. The answer is a culture of consent. This means a lot of people, including people who think they are feminist or would never endorse exploitation but who regularly uphold systems that disempower women, children, immigrants, and others, need to rethink what they think they know about the world. I hope the Epstein files are a step in that direction.

Well said!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anti aging is about looking 25, not 17.

This. Plus at 48 no matter what I do, I will never ever look even 30 much less like a child.

So dumb. I really hate when other women create these dumb posts to tell us what we should be doing with our bodies. Go gray, never shave, be flabby. WHO CARES. I'll do whatever I damn well please with my body. I dont have to justify it to anyone.

It's person by person.

I do think that at the celebrity/influencer level, it sometimes is about looking like a teenager, not just a youthful adult woman. Which when you think about it, makes sense. The mostly men who have been making decisions in Hollywood about what movies to make and who is in those movies include a LOT of gross perverts. Like if that is not abundantly clear by now, you are not well informed. So when a 30-something or 40-something actress is pumping her face with filler and botox and doing whatever it takes to whittle her waist down as small as it will go, I do sometimes think this is about trying to turn herself into the child that those perverts prefer.

And then the trends for the rest of us are influenced by the people making those decisions. Granted, in my life there are no decision makers deciding how much money I make based on how much I look like a teenage girl. Thank god. But it is part of the culture, and if I consume a lot of social media, for instance, I will find myself wondering about certain procedures and interventions that never would have occurred to me before, and it's likely those ideas were pushed by the same machine that tells a 32 year old actress she's over the hill unless she can smooth everything out to look a little less legal.

So I agree you don't have to justify anything to anyone. But pretending your choices and preferences exist in a vacuum, and that you are not influenced by the decisions and preferences of very powerful people who we know prefer extremely young, teenaged bodies and appearances is just ignorant. We're all connect. I am not going to judge you for whatever you do to look how you want to look, but I'm also not going to pretend like it has nothing at all to do with these very messed up ideas about youth and beauty and sexuality that permeate our society. I know my own preferences are guided by it too. We're all part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Are more women finally making the connection between the beauty industries emphasis on anti-aging products and the pedophilic nature of patriarchy? has it finally hit you that your obsession with not looking "old" caters to the predatory male gaze?"

Agree or disagree?

Agree. Patriarchy, rape culture, pedophile culture. It's the world we live in and informs everything. Religion, politics, media, advertising. And it's almost impossible to grasp the extent. Naming it is a start. Workplace sexual harassment and date rape were concepts that didn't exist 50 years ago. Once we named it we could start to fight back.

The beauty industry encourages eating disorders and body modification. I support individuals expressing themselves however they choose. It's impossible for me to judge how much of what we do is truly an individual decision, and not due to social conditioning.

I am not sure why there is this resistance to the idea that beauty/ grooming standards are socially constructed. Sure, there may be some activities--manicure, styling an outfit, massage--that may entail some inherent physical or creative pleasure. But the vast majority--hair dye, waxing, plucking--are painful and/or involve expense. Of course, we only do this for social sanction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also a female who enjoys looking good just for me. Do not want to be a balding, whiskered crone. But please, go ahead and make me look even more attractive 🥰

Honestly, I'd rather you get the male attention than me. That's a win win at this point.

It's disturbing how much of our girlhood was dominated by pedophile retailers marketing to us to make us "sexy." I've always been disturbed by the bare vagina trend and thankfully never bought into that.

Is it perhaps because you haven't learned that hair does not grow on your vagina?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Are more women finally making the connection between the beauty industries emphasis on anti-aging products and the pedophilic nature of patriarchy? has it finally hit you that your obsession with not looking "old" caters to the predatory male gaze?"

Agree or disagree?

Agree. Patriarchy, rape culture, pedophile culture. It's the world we live in and informs everything. Religion, politics, media, advertising. And it's almost impossible to grasp the extent. Naming it is a start. Workplace sexual harassment and date rape were concepts that didn't exist 50 years ago. Once we named it we could start to fight back.

The beauty industry encourages eating disorders and body modification. I support individuals expressing themselves however they choose. It's impossible for me to judge how much of what we do is truly an individual decision, and not due to social conditioning.

I am not sure why there is this resistance to the idea that beauty/ grooming standards are socially constructed. Sure, there may be some activities--manicure, styling an outfit, massage--that may entail some inherent physical or creative pleasure. But the vast majority--hair dye, waxing, plucking--are painful and/or involve expense. Of course, we only do this for social sanction.

Sure. But if I quit hair dye, waxing, plucking.. am I not just conforming to a different social construct? We can't dress ourselves out of rape culture. Women get raped when they're covered head to foot. Is it possible to Beautify ourselves out of paedophile culture? I agree there are lots of ways to opt out, but believe the prior poster had it right about focusing on consent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Are more women finally making the connection between the beauty industries emphasis on anti-aging products and the pedophilic nature of patriarchy? has it finally hit you that your obsession with not looking "old" caters to the predatory male gaze?"

Agree or disagree?

Agree. Patriarchy, rape culture, pedophile culture. It's the world we live in and informs everything. Religion, politics, media, advertising. And it's almost impossible to grasp the extent. Naming it is a start. Workplace sexual harassment and date rape were concepts that didn't exist 50 years ago. Once we named it we could start to fight back.

The beauty industry encourages eating disorders and body modification. I support individuals expressing themselves however they choose. It's impossible for me to judge how much of what we do is truly an individual decision, and not due to social conditioning.

I am not sure why there is this resistance to the idea that beauty/ grooming standards are socially constructed. Sure, there may be some activities--manicure, styling an outfit, massage--that may entail some inherent physical or creative pleasure. But the vast majority--hair dye, waxing, plucking--are painful and/or involve expense. Of course, we only do this for social sanction.

Sure. But if I quit hair dye, waxing, plucking.. am I not just conforming to a different social construct? We can't dress ourselves out of rape culture. Women get raped when they're covered head to foot. Is it possible to Beautify ourselves out of paedophile culture? I agree there are lots of ways to opt out, but believe the prior poster had it right about focusing on consent.

Completely agree. And also, I find it extremely disgusting that we are talking about what women do with their appearance to supposedly perpetuate pedophilia done by men. I am not responsible for what men do and how men think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Are more women finally making the connection between the beauty industries emphasis on anti-aging products and the pedophilic nature of patriarchy? has it finally hit you that your obsession with not looking "old" caters to the predatory male gaze?"

Agree or disagree?

Agree. Patriarchy, rape culture, pedophile culture. It's the world we live in and informs everything. Religion, politics, media, advertising. And it's almost impossible to grasp the extent. Naming it is a start. Workplace sexual harassment and date rape were concepts that didn't exist 50 years ago. Once we named it we could start to fight back.

The beauty industry encourages eating disorders and body modification. I support individuals expressing themselves however they choose. It's impossible for me to judge how much of what we do is truly an individual decision, and not due to social conditioning.

I am not sure why there is this resistance to the idea that beauty/ grooming standards are socially constructed. Sure, there may be some activities--manicure, styling an outfit, massage--that may entail some inherent physical or creative pleasure. But the vast majority--hair dye, waxing, plucking--are painful and/or involve expense. Of course, we only do this for social sanction.

Of course they’re socially constructed. Every generation has their own beauty rituals going back for centuries.

One thing I’ll add, and it’s true with me, my friends and my daughters as well—females dress and look good not for men but for the other females in their life.

It’s females who notice how you look. It’s females who notice your hair, whether you’ve lost or gained weight, your nails, your skin clarity, your new lipstick shade, your new clothing. They are the ones who will comment, complement, criticize and so on.

Most men are not particularly observant and are simple creatures.

[Anonymous]

True effed up men/pediphiles are after very young naive women who are easy to control. No one wants a 55 year old who looks 45 on a really good day. Regardless of shaving, hair dye, botox, facelift, whatever.

Stop shaming women for doing things that make them feel good about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. My botox just kicked in and I can finally look at myself without cringing. It's for me. Same with bikini wax. All for me. Stop acting like we don't have agency over what we actually like on our own bodies.

I don't like crop tops like the younger girls wear so I don't wear them. I don't like long hair barrel curls so I don't do those.

It’s all for you because you learned to hate the way you look naturally. Where did you learn it?

Get a $25 french bidet from Amazon to wash yourself and a travel squeeze bottle to wash when not at home. Helps wash poop as well, which people just try to clean with toilet paper.

This is the dumbest post in a while. I get a Brazilian because I don't like that sweat and pee get trapped in the hair and produce the smell. I was single for 5 years and still got Brazilians. It's not even about the look.

Gross. Take a shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bikini wax is 100% related to this.

No, I do this because I don't want hairs picking out of my swimsuit. I like being clean and fresh. But you do you.

Do you wash yourself after every per and poop or just pat with toilet paper? If you don't then don't claim hygiene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. My botox just kicked in and I can finally look at myself without cringing. It's for me. Same with bikini wax. All for me. Stop acting like we don't have agency over what we actually like on our own bodies.

I don't like crop tops like the younger girls wear so I don't wear them. I don't like long hair barrel curls so I don't do those.

It’s all for you because you learned to hate the way you look naturally. Where did you learn it?

Get a $25 french bidet from Amazon to wash yourself and a travel squeeze bottle to wash when not at home. Helps wash poop as well, which people just try to clean with toilet paper.

This is the dumbest post in a while. I get a Brazilian because I don't like that sweat and pee get trapped in the hair and produce the smell. I was single for 5 years and still got Brazilians. It's not even about the look.

Gross. Take a shower.

I wasn't looking for you to explain to me how to wash myself. I'm good. But thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Are more women finally making the connection between the beauty industries emphasis on anti-aging products and the pedophilic nature of patriarchy? has it finally hit you that your obsession with not looking "old" caters to the predatory male gaze?"

Agree or disagree?

Agree. Patriarchy, rape culture, pedophile culture. It's the world we live in and informs everything. Religion, politics, media, advertising. And it's almost impossible to grasp the extent. Naming it is a start. Workplace sexual harassment and date rape were concepts that didn't exist 50 years ago. Once we named it we could start to fight back.

The beauty industry encourages eating disorders and body modification. I support individuals expressing themselves however they choose. It's impossible for me to judge how much of what we do is truly an individual decision, and not due to social conditioning.

This is absolutely the crux and why I get so mad about women fighting about going gray or not. It's not a moral choice.

I also think that it can be hard to look at yourself in the mirror because you feel the same as you did as a 25yo, but you don't look the same. I wish we could acknowledge that aging is challenging because we have to accept our mortality, and while some of it is about marketing, some of it is about evolution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The botox part I get, hough I (55 yrs old) have never had botox. Botox doesn't make you look prepubescent. The waxing everything off is weird.

I also have looked young most of my life. I'm 5', flat chested (though I did have a nice rear end). When I got married at 33, my female boss said I looked at 18 at my wedding. When I had to go into my old HS at 24, a teacher asked why I wasn't in class. I hated looking so young, but apparently, some old men like it because I got hit on by old dudes when I was at a work function that had mostly old guys.

I have had a “curvy” shape since I was 12 years old. Old dudes have always hit on me. Old dudes hit on women because they’re old and they’ve got nothing left to lose. So they will hit on women no matter what they look like.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want to date a bald man with a paunch so guess there are biases on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bikini wax is 100% related to this.

No, I do this because I don't want hairs picking out of my swimsuit. I like being clean and fresh. But you do you.

I think cleaning it up makes sense, but going bald is weird. That look is either prepubescent or for porn.