In a marriage, how many years do you expect to be sexually active?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you comprehend that you will feel differently at 65, 75, 85 than you did at 20, 30 or 40?

Marriages can last 60 years or more. Do you understand that health issues can crop up along the way?

I wish I had realized better that my drive would bounce back quite a bit post menopause, but hormones are a true driver of sex and once those hormones drop, so does desire. And atrophy is a real issue for many women.

But also many men start to have a lot of issues in their 50s. Weight and medications cause ED difficulty, and knees and hips start to break down.

It's not as easy to "just do it" to appease a partner.

Sex is the icing on the cake in a relationship. It's not the main thing.

--- Signed married woman for 45 years

That's nice for you. Sex is the most important part of a marriage. I despise my wife for taking that away.

You sound really trashy

It is spousal abuse to unilaterally decide that someone's sex life is over.

This board is why I will never immediately blame someone for cheating. You never know the whole story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you comprehend that you will feel differently at 65, 75, 85 than you did at 20, 30 or 40?

Marriages can last 60 years or more. Do you understand that health issues can crop up along the way?

I wish I had realized better that my drive would bounce back quite a bit post menopause, but hormones are a true driver of sex and once those hormones drop, so does desire. And atrophy is a real issue for many women.

But also many men start to have a lot of issues in their 50s. Weight and medications cause ED difficulty, and knees and hips start to break down.

It's not as easy to "just do it" to appease a partner.

Sex is the icing on the cake in a relationship. It's not the main thing.

--- Signed married woman for 45 years

That's nice for you. Sex is the most important part of a marriage. I despise my wife for taking that away.

You sound really trashy

It is spousal abuse to unilaterally decide that someone's sex life is over.

This board is why I will never immediately blame someone for cheating. You never know the whole story.

Sounds like you are repulsive to everyone.

[Anonymous]

Marriage man-woman, the man is going to need help after 40. Woman-woman, probably sex forever. Man-man? Not sure but probably longer than a hetero male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage man-woman, the man is going to need help after 40. Woman-woman, probably sex forever. Man-man? Not sure but probably longer than a hetero male.

Woman-woman? That’s like the biggest guaranteed dead bedroom and highest likelihood of divorce.

[Anonymous]

Not all men need help after 40 - is this being written by bots or teens?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you comprehend that you will feel differently at 65, 75, 85 than you did at 20, 30 or 40?

Marriages can last 60 years or more. Do you understand that health issues can crop up along the way?

I wish I had realized better that my drive would bounce back quite a bit post menopause, but hormones are a true driver of sex and once those hormones drop, so does desire. And atrophy is a real issue for many women.

But also many men start to have a lot of issues in their 50s. Weight and medications cause ED difficulty, and knees and hips start to break down.

It's not as easy to "just do it" to appease a partner.

Sex is the icing on the cake in a relationship. It's not the main thing.

--- Signed married woman for 45 years

That's nice for you. Sex is the most important part of a marriage. I despise my wife for taking that away.

You sound really trashy

I'm in a happy marriage, where this is is not an issue, but I feel for this poster. If my DW refused to have sex, that would present a serious problem.

Agreed. Pp’s wife sound really trashy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage man-woman, the man is going to need help after 40. Woman-woman, probably sex forever. Man-man? Not sure but probably longer than a hetero male.

Only legit marriage is between man and woman. Other marriages are gross and sinful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage man-woman, the man is going to need help after 40. Woman-woman, probably sex forever. Man-man? Not sure but probably longer than a hetero male.

Only legit marriage is between man and woman. Other marriages are gross and sinful

You shouldn't be on your phone during church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you comprehend that you will feel differently at 65, 75, 85 than you did at 20, 30 or 40?

Marriages can last 60 years or more. Do you understand that health issues can crop up along the way?

I wish I had realized better that my drive would bounce back quite a bit post menopause, but hormones are a true driver of sex and once those hormones drop, so does desire. And atrophy is a real issue for many women.

But also many men start to have a lot of issues in their 50s. Weight and medications cause ED difficulty, and knees and hips start to break down.

It's not as easy to "just do it" to appease a partner.

Sex is the icing on the cake in a relationship. It's not the main thing.

--- Signed married woman for 45 years

That's nice for you. Sex is the most important part of a marriage. I despise my wife for taking that away.

if that's the way you feel about it, then it's no wonder she doesn't want to have sex with you. sex is a small part of a marriage. the other 23.5 hours matter, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 52 I feel don't touch me, don't even talk to me, or we can get divorced.

me, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s an Italian saying that if you put a marble in a jar every time you have sex in the first year, and then remove a marble every time you have sex after the first year…

You can finish the sentence

Can you explain it to me? I truly don’t understand

you still have marbles when you die. point is that you have more sex in your first year of marriage than the rest of the years of your marriage combined

And that's ridiculous. We are having maybe a third as much now (year 20) as we were in our first year. So the last three years would have emptied the jar even without the 16 years in between.

Then you are unique. That's a very old saying and there are similar ones in other traditions. It's very, very normal for sex to taper off dramatically as people age and after they have kids. I'm not suggesting it's good, or bad. It just is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men can’t keep it up or sometimes can’t even get it up after 45, so unless you are marrying another woman… it’s limited. But a good man can be creative!

You do realize there are plenty of men in their 60s and 70s that don't need any help getting it up.

Hmmmm... not so much.

My 63 year old husband doesn’t need help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 52 I feel don't touch me, don't even talk to me, or we can get divorced.

me, too.

So you expect your husband to stay faithful or do you at least gratify him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not all men need help after 40 - is this being written by bots or teens?

The American Medical Association estimates rates of erectile dysfunction to be just 5-10% of men before age 40, but then it jumps to 40% of all men in their 40s and increases by 10% with each decade. So about half of men in their 50s have ED, 60% of men in their 60s.

Now, that still leaves 30% or more of men who don't have ED even into their 60s. So if that's you, it might seem normal. But the truth is that by 50, men are 50/50 on whether it impacts them, and it becomes more and more common after that.

Also these are just estimates -- many men simply never seek treatment for ED. My DH has experienced periodic issues of the last 5 years and has never discussed it with a doctor. He feels it's largely due to drinking, and if he doesn't drink or drinks less, it's not an issue. I think he should get it checked out for other reason (potential sign of prostate issues) but he hates doctors and it's his body. I'm not upset about the ED because I have declining libido from perimenopause anyway so I'm not mad about our current sex frequency. We are late 40s and I'd say our situation is pretty typical among our peers, based on what friends have shared with me.

The happiest marriages I know at this age, it doesn't seem to have a ton to do with sex. It's about personality compatibility, being on the same page regarding parenting, being able to minimize work and financial stress so it doesn't poison the marriage, and mutual respect. Some couples may be having slightly more or slightly less sex. I know people with medical and mental health issues who I would not be surprised to learn don't have sex at all but their marriages still seem strong. It just seems like as you age, sex gets backburnered for both a lot of people, men and women. Not that it's totally irrelevant, just that it's far from the most important thing in their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men can’t keep it up or sometimes can’t even get it up after 45, so unless you are marrying another woman… it’s limited. But a good man can be creative!

You do realize there are plenty of men in their 60s and 70s that don't need any help getting it up.

Hmmmm... not so much.

My 63 year old husband doesn’t need help

That's nice, but 60% of men aged 60-70 have ED.