In-laws not checking after Iran bombing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everything about you, OP.

Not OP but this is most certainly about her. They are jerks OP. My MIL is just like this.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP I don't know why people are being harsh to you.

Of course they should be checking in on you. They are your in-laws. Rude not to.

I'm sorry they aren't and also sorry for your stress during this time. I hope your family is doing as well as they can in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it may have completely slipped their minds. Our nanny is Persian, and I didn't even think of it - I asked her how her weekend was in a totally normal tone. And of course, she brought it up and we discussed it at length and I offered her my condolences and gave her space to talk about how she was feeling, and I'll check in with her about it all week (and especially her family - she's having trouble reaching people). But yeah, until she said something, I didn't make the connection at all.

My husband, who is admittedly an incredibly thoughtful person, of course texted me out of the blue to ask how the nanny was doing (he had left for work before she arrived).

While I'm far from perfect, I don't think I'm a jerk or anything. My brain just missed that connection. Can your husband reach out to his parents? "We're having a tough time here, Larla is so worried about all her relatives in Iran." Once they make the connection, they may immediately provide an outpouring of love and support, and you might feel better.

Forgetfulness and lack of caring aren't the same. Give them a chance.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, and I hope your relatives are safe.

Dang! That's really selfish. If I were your nanny, I'd look for a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it may have completely slipped their minds. Our nanny is Persian, and I didn't even think of it - I asked her how her weekend was in a totally normal tone. And of course, she brought it up and we discussed it at length and I offered her my condolences and gave her space to talk about how she was feeling, and I'll check in with her about it all week (and especially her family - she's having trouble reaching people). But yeah, until she said something, I didn't make the connection at all.

My husband, who is admittedly an incredibly thoughtful person, of course texted me out of the blue to ask how the nanny was doing (he had left for work before she arrived).

While I'm far from perfect, I don't think I'm a jerk or anything. My brain just missed that connection. Can your husband reach out to his parents? "We're having a tough time here, Larla is so worried about all her relatives in Iran." Once they make the connection, they may immediately provide an outpouring of love and support, and you might feel better.

Forgetfulness and lack of caring aren't the same. Give them a chance.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, and I hope your relatives are safe.

Some people don't know what to say or how to bring up something so serious. But it's crazy to me to "not make the connection" with someone as close as a nanny.

Yeah, that's not a funny or cute flex. It's actually horrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Iranian American and besides my immediate family, most of my relatives still live in Iran. My in-laws are generally distant but cordial towards me, but I wouldn't call us close. But it stills hurts that they have not texted or reached out to me at all to ask if my family is ok after the recent bombings. Am I being too sensitive?

I would feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

I would expect decent humans who are family to check in.

[Anonymous]

Your immediate family is here. Different if your parents were there.

[Anonymous]

Rather than *have* to ask --- OP why aren't you forthcoming enough to mention it to them?

You'd rather be hurt. You'd rather feel slighted.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible they asked your husband about your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it may have completely slipped their minds. Our nanny is Persian, and I didn't even think of it - I asked her how her weekend was in a totally normal tone. And of course, she brought it up and we discussed it at length and I offered her my condolences and gave her space to talk about how she was feeling, and I'll check in with her about it all week (and especially her family - she's having trouble reaching people). But yeah, until she said something, I didn't make the connection at all.

My husband, who is admittedly an incredibly thoughtful person, of course texted me out of the blue to ask how the nanny was doing (he had left for work before she arrived).

While I'm far from perfect, I don't think I'm a jerk or anything. My brain just missed that connection. Can your husband reach out to his parents? "We're having a tough time here, Larla is so worried about all her relatives in Iran." Once they make the connection, they may immediately provide an outpouring of love and support, and you might feel better.

Forgetfulness and lack of caring aren't the same. Give them a chance.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, and I hope your relatives are safe.

Some people don't know what to say or how to bring up something so serious. But it's crazy to me to "not make the connection" with someone as close as a nanny.

Strongly agree! This poster is letting themselves off the hook way too easily. Some sort of introspection is called for.

[Anonymous]

My step mother is Iranian and I did call to talk to her about it but mostly because I wanted to hear her views on it (she is pleased that many of the leaders have been killed). I didn't ask about an family members although most of her family and extended family lives in the US, Canada and Europe. I could see your inlaws not thinking about your extended family since they know your immediate family is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My step mother is Iranian and I did call to talk to her about it but mostly because I wanted to hear her views on it (she is pleased that many of the leaders have been killed). I didn't ask about a family members although most of her family and extended family lives in the US, Canada and Europe. I could see your inlaws not thinking about your extended family since they know your immediate family is here.

Such an all-American response. I can’t be bothered to explain. Sorry Op. In-laws are uneducated and uncivilized people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP I don't know why people are being harsh to you.

Of course they should be checking in on you. They are your in-laws. Rude not to.

I'm sorry they aren't and also sorry for your stress during this time. I hope your family is doing as well as they can in this situation.

+1. These responses are a really weird take from DCUM. I would definitely check in if I knew you had family there! Even just to send a text that says “thinking about you and your family. Hope all is okay” or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it may have completely slipped their minds. Our nanny is Persian, and I didn't even think of it - I asked her how her weekend was in a totally normal tone. And of course, she brought it up and we discussed it at length and I offered her my condolences and gave her space to talk about how she was feeling, and I'll check in with her about it all week (and especially her family - she's having trouble reaching people). But yeah, until she said something, I didn't make the connection at all.

My husband, who is admittedly an incredibly thoughtful person, of course texted me out of the blue to ask how the nanny was doing (he had left for work before she arrived).

While I'm far from perfect, I don't think I'm a jerk or anything. My brain just missed that connection. Can your husband reach out to his parents? "We're having a tough time here, Larla is so worried about all her relatives in Iran." Once they make the connection, they may immediately provide an outpouring of love and support, and you might feel better.

Forgetfulness and lack of caring aren't the same. Give them a chance.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, and I hope your relatives are safe.

Dang! That's really selfish. If I were your nanny, I'd look for a new job.

Just to defend PP—if her nanny has been here for 50 years (like many Iranians who call themselves Persians), came over as a child, and never mentions it, it may not be too of mind. It’s different if she immigrated as an adult or more recently and talks about family at home … i have friends that immigrated as very young children with their parents and don’t have much connection with their home country— I sometimes forget they are immigrants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it may have completely slipped their minds. Our nanny is Persian, and I didn't even think of it - I asked her how her weekend was in a totally normal tone. And of course, she brought it up and we discussed it at length and I offered her my condolences and gave her space to talk about how she was feeling, and I'll check in with her about it all week (and especially her family - she's having trouble reaching people). But yeah, until she said something, I didn't make the connection at all.

My husband, who is admittedly an incredibly thoughtful person, of course texted me out of the blue to ask how the nanny was doing (he had left for work before she arrived).

While I'm far from perfect, I don't think I'm a jerk or anything. My brain just missed that connection. Can your husband reach out to his parents? "We're having a tough time here, Larla is so worried about all her relatives in Iran." Once they make the connection, they may immediately provide an outpouring of love and support, and you might feel better.

Forgetfulness and lack of caring aren't the same. Give them a chance.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, and I hope your relatives are safe.

Dang! That's really selfish. If I were your nanny, I'd look for a new job.

Just to defend PP—if her nanny has been here for 50 years (like many Iranians who call themselves Persians), came over as a child, and never mentions it, it may not be too of mind. It’s different if she immigrated as an adult or more recently and talks about family at home … i have friends that immigrated as very young children with their parents and don’t have much connection with their home country— I sometimes forget they are immigrants.

Why defend her? She was self centered and inconsiderate with her nanny.