In-laws not checking after Iran bombing

[Anonymous]

What haven't you trained your DH to tell your parents to say what you want to hear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rather than *have* to ask --- OP why aren't you forthcoming enough to mention it to them?

You'd rather be hurt. You'd rather feel slighted.

10-20 years of OP being a drama queen has made the inlaws "cordial".

She's so Americanized I her self-centeredness that she probably forgot she was Persian.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked your DH if they spoke to him about it? They may have felt more comfortable asking him.

[Anonymous]

OP, so many posters here are massive hypocrites.

They think it’s odd and invalid for you to feel like you need comfort and support right now, because your family and your homeland are under attack.

But they would have no problem with the fact that I’ve already reached out to my four family members who are active duty Army and Navy, and who have already been sent all over the world for deployments of various degrees of danger. They would of course be all for supporting the troops, and thinking of course this is a moment to show concern and care.

Again, DCUM posters are massive hypocrites. I for one want you to know that I am sorry that people you love are in harm’s way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP I don't know why people are being harsh to you.

Of course they should be checking in on you. They are your in-laws. Rude not to.

I'm sorry they aren't and also sorry for your stress during this time. I hope your family is doing as well as they can in this situation.

+1

[Anonymous]

So much of DCUM at its worst on this thread.

OP, I am sorry for what you are experiencing and I hope that your family is ok. Your in-laws are insensitive and wrong, I can’t imagine not checking in at a time like this. There’s no excuse whatsoever. It doesn’t matter whether you or they support or don’t support the military action. It’s basic human compassion to care about your family and other people in your life.

[Anonymous]

This is a very strange post and I think it's a troll The regime has been torturing and murdering people for years at whim and you weren't upset about your inlaws not checking in, but there's bombing to finally get rid of this regime and they do everything they can to avoid civilians and now you are upset your inlaws don't check in. Did your inlaws check in the make sure your family was OK the past few weeks as protesters were mass murdered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP I don't know why people are being harsh to you.

Of course they should be checking in on you. They are your in-laws. Rude not to.

I'm sorry they aren't and also sorry for your stress during this time. I hope your family is doing as well as they can in this situation.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, grow up.

.+1. Why didn’t you reach out to them? That is normal

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I’m Israeli American with all my family there, and most Americans don’t think to ever check in when war breaks out. The only people who have consistently checked in with me are my Iranian American and Arab American friends. I hope your family is ok.

[Anonymous]

I'd be bothered. Maybe they don't know what to say, and maybe they don't know how your family feels about what happened. Some Iranians were celebrating, some are in mourning.

I hope your family is ok

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm Iranian American and besides my immediate family, most of my relatives still live in Iran. My in-laws are generally distant but cordial towards me, but I wouldn't call us close. But it stills hurts that they have not texted or reached out to me at all to ask if my family is ok after the recent bombings. Am I being too sensitive?

It is a cultural thing, it really isn't personal at all. To most Americans family is immediate family. Since your immediate family is all here, your in laws are probably not thinking you are close to cousins, aunts, uncles unless they have met them. To people in other cultures like Latino and Middle Eastern cultures extended family is still really close family ties. Your cousins can be as close as siblings and you might have spent every weekend with aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. Now add your second cousins, great aunts and uncles, etc.

Then add all the people you called your "aunt" "uncle" and "cousin" but you only realize when you grow up that they actually aren't a blood relative but since they are such close family friends you just always thought they were so you just keep referring to them that way.

And of course the close neighbors you grew up next to that had kids your age and you ate so many snacks and meals at their house or the neighbor down the street you got sent over to borrow a cup of sugar or coffee or had to take a plate of food to if someone was sick. They are like family too.

So I get it OP. I hope your relatives and everyone else who is "family" is okay. Just keep remembering if something happens you know there will be people there who will help out. They won't be alone because their uncle, or aunt or cousin or neighbor or childhood friends' family or someone else will check on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it may have completely slipped their minds. Our nanny is Persian, and I didn't even think of it - I asked her how her weekend was in a totally normal tone. And of course, she brought it up and we discussed it at length and I offered her my condolences and gave her space to talk about how she was feeling, and I'll check in with her about it all week (and especially her family - she's having trouble reaching people). But yeah, until she said something, I didn't make the connection at all.

My husband, who is admittedly an incredibly thoughtful person, of course texted me out of the blue to ask how the nanny was doing (he had left for work before she arrived).

While I'm far from perfect, I don't think I'm a jerk or anything. My brain just missed that connection. Can your husband reach out to his parents? "We're having a tough time here, Larla is so worried about all her relatives in Iran." Once they make the connection, they may immediately provide an outpouring of love and support, and you might feel better.

Forgetfulness and lack of caring aren't the same. Give them a chance.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, and I hope your relatives are safe.

Some people don't know what to say or how to bring up something so serious. But it's crazy to me to "not make the connection" with someone as close as a nanny.

Yeah, I agree. Wow

[Anonymous]

Are they magas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. I’m Israeli American with all my family there, and most Americans don’t think to ever check in when war breaks out. The only people who have consistently checked in with me are my Iranian American and Arab American friends. I hope your family is ok.

Iran targets civilians, but Israel and the US do not. They might not be aware that even when you don't target civilians, there can still injuries and even deaths. If you actually are against the removal of this brutal regime, then they may wonder why you support the rape, torture and murder of women who won't conform.