In-laws not checking after Iran bombing

[Anonymous]

I'm Iranian American and besides my immediate family, most of my relatives still live in Iran. My in-laws are generally distant but cordial towards me, but I wouldn't call us close. But it stills hurts that they have not texted or reached out to me at all to ask if my family is ok after the recent bombings. Am I being too sensitive?

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on what cordial means. Like if they've called to talk to anyone in your house and not asked after you, that feels gross. But if you see them twice a year and they never call you guys, I don't think it's a pointed snub just them being emotionally distant like you already knew they were.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure they’re fine, OP. Don’t make it about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess it depends on what cordial means. Like if they've called to talk to anyone in your house and not asked after you, that feels gross. But if you see them twice a year and they never call you guys, I don't think it's a pointed snub just them being emotionally distant like you already knew they were.

We see them every 2-3 months. Since they are retired, they usually come to our house for 4-6 days. We also take a yearly vacation with them and my DH's siblings.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you know Op, you tell your DH and he can tell his parents

Don't look for reasons to feel slighted

[Anonymous]

Good lord, grow up.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they think they're dead and don't want to make it worse.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they should have checked in. But they may also feel strange in doing so, as citizens of the country that put your family in danger.

[Anonymous]

They are not nice people. I'm sorry, OP. Of course, caring in-laws would check in and make sure that your family is ok.

[Anonymous]

🙄🙄🙄

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it may have completely slipped their minds. Our nanny is Persian, and I didn't even think of it - I asked her how her weekend was in a totally normal tone. And of course, she brought it up and we discussed it at length and I offered her my condolences and gave her space to talk about how she was feeling, and I'll check in with her about it all week (and especially her family - she's having trouble reaching people). But yeah, until she said something, I didn't make the connection at all.

My husband, who is admittedly an incredibly thoughtful person, of course texted me out of the blue to ask how the nanny was doing (he had left for work before she arrived).

While I'm far from perfect, I don't think I'm a jerk or anything. My brain just missed that connection. Can your husband reach out to his parents? "We're having a tough time here, Larla is so worried about all her relatives in Iran." Once they make the connection, they may immediately provide an outpouring of love and support, and you might feel better.

Forgetfulness and lack of caring aren't the same. Give them a chance.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, and I hope your relatives are safe.

[Anonymous]

No, you're not too sensitive. You're human and decent. Your in-laws aren't monsters either. They probably forgot. I know it hurts. I'm sorry, OP. I think your husband should call them and talk to them about your worries for your loved ones. It's important for all Americans to understand that there are real human beings impacted by the decisions of world leaders.

[Anonymous]

Not everything about you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Op is suffering from Main Character Syndrome.

[Anonymous]

They may be oblivious to the fact you have many relatives there.
They may feel awkward.
I hope they are ok.