Is silence the answer here? What would you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Silence is pretty immature. You sound like not a great friend.

They're not friends anymore. Try to keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Silence is pretty immature. You sound like not a great friend.

They aren’t friends. Did you not read the post?

[Anonymous]

I might be the other/old friend, Are you not in DC? Do you have two boys? I am sorry!

[Anonymous]

I personally do not like confrontation so my nature would be to simply ignore the person and continue doing what you have been doing.
Because this person thinks it is acceptable to just brush the issue under the rug vs. acknowledging that it would need to be resolved before you both can reconcile.
Otherwise the hard feelings will still remain and will build resentment over time.

[Anonymous]

Some, any context as to what happened would be helpful here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some, any context as to what happened would be helpful here.

Disagree, OP has gotten better advice by not giving details.

If OP provides more details, the conversation becomes whether OP is justified in feeling the way she does. That's a useless conversation. She feels how she feels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Months ago I stopped speaking to someone I had been close to for a long time. There was a significant incident that I found deeply disrespectful. When I raised it at the time, instead of acknowledging it, they doubled down and explained why they were justified. I decided to disengage.

We share mutual acquaintances, so I’ve quietly managed logistics by skipping events where they’ll be and not including them in things I host.

Out of nowhere, I received an email asking if I can “finally let it go” because they “miss me and want to be in my life again.” There was no acknowledgment of what happened and no apology.

I’m honestly more irritated now than I was before. I’m unsure whether to ignore it, respond briefly, or say something more direct. If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? How would you respond?

Ignoring this seems like a very passive aggressive way of handling a rupture in a relationship that you describe as "close for a long time." It is fine to respond to the email saying that you have been unable to "let it go" and they were unwilling to acknowledge your feelings. If they would like to be in your life, you get to decide what the conditions for that are, but just skipping events and avoiding the issue is not mature.

Incorrect. Ignoring is the most mature way to communicate that OP does not want to talk to this person. Anything else is engaging with someone she doesn’t want to engage with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, just don’t respond. Any response will open door for more drama. Did the person apologize for what they did or said? Or they think if enough time passed it should make things ok and blame you? The tone of the email with the “finally let it go” is accusatory. Just don’t go there.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d respond “let what go”

If they cant explain what “it” is then I’d say I can’t until you can understand “it”.

I love this!

+1. I was in this situation once and was instructed to "get over it" and I have long wished I had simply asked "Get over what, specifically?" Because if there is something to get over, why isn't there something to apologize for?

I love this last statement - I'm always doubting what I feel - this is so helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d respond “let what go”

If they cant explain what “it” is then I’d say I can’t until you can understand “it”.

I love this!

+1. I was in this situation once and was instructed to "get over it" and I have long wished I had simply asked "Get over what, specifically?" Because if there is something to get over, why isn't there something to apologize for?

I love this last statement - I'm always doubting what I feel - this is so helpful.

You and me both. This thread is pretty validating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I might be the other/old friend, Are you not in DC? Do you have two boys? I am sorry!

Of course you aren't. Other/Old friend dismissed OP, minimized the incident, and did not apologize.
If you are apologizing now, on an anonymous board - what a waste of time. Whomever you are, whatever you did, go apologize in person or on the phone, and be specific about what you did: "I'm sorry for letting my two boys poop on your deck and then allow your dog to eat it. That was wrong. I should have respected your house and taken better care of your pet. I was embarrassed and got defensive. I am so sorry. How can I make it up to you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I might be the other/old friend, Are you not in DC? Do you have two boys? I am sorry!

Of course you aren't. Other/Old friend dismissed OP, minimized the incident, and did not apologize.
If you are apologizing now, on an anonymous board - what a waste of time. Whomever you are, whatever you did, go apologize in person or on the phone, and be specific about what you did: "I'm sorry for letting my two boys poop on your deck and then allow your dog to eat it. That was wrong. I should have respected your house and taken better care of your pet. I was embarrassed and got defensive. I am so sorry. How can I make it up to you?"

+1

Should we be teaching accountability/apology classes in school or something? It is wild to me how hard some people find this activity.

When someone I care about is hurt by my words or actions, apologizing always makes ME feel better. Like it's for them, obviously, but it's something I also do for myself because I hate carrying around the guilt of knowing I harmed someone who is important to me. It doesn't really matter if it's something that would have hurt or offended me -- people have different sensitivities and there is usually a reason for those sensitivities, whether you know what it is or not.

Also I thought your poop anecdote was funny, but I think the PP was asking if OP was the one with two boys. PP doesn't have two boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Silence is pretty immature. You sound like not a great friend.

So what. The other person wasn't a great friend.

+1 and I am sure the friend has peace like no other. There is nothing like silence in between you and a controlling, manipulative “friend.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d respond “let what go”

If they cant explain what “it” is then I’d say I can’t until you can understand “it”.

I love this!

+1. I was in this situation once and was instructed to "get over it" and I have long wished I had simply asked "Get over what, specifically?" Because if there is something to get over, why isn't there something to apologize for?

I love this last statement - I'm always doubting what I feel - this is so helpful.

You and me both. This thread is pretty validating.

Sorry, but I disagree. Just because someone isn’t over something does not mean there is something to apologize for. I think it’s rude to tell someone else “get over it” but I also know many people who hold onto grudges over small things or even no things. Or things they haven’t explained. Or misunderstandings.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t ignore, because that will just result in the person contacting you again thinking you missed their message. Just say “Don’t ever contact me again. If you do, you’ll be ignored” and leave it at that.