Is silence the answer here? What would you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do I feel like the significant incident wasn't so significant? What happened?

I would rethink holding grudges life is short perhaps you both just needed a break.

The fact that you know nothing about this situation yet are opining so confidently based on nonsense you made up in your head speaks volumes. Lemme guess, you've been cut off repeatedly and none of it is your fault?

[Anonymous]

If a very good friend couldn’t be bothered to try to see something from my perspective and at least apologize for accidentally upsetting me, I would move on. I have had good friends for many decades and I honestly cannot even think of them ever doing anything that bothered me like that. But if they did, I am certain that even if they struggled with my perspective, they would feel terrible for upsetting me and would make appropriate remedies. Just like I would for them.

[Anonymous]

Yes, just don’t respond. Any response will open door for more drama. Did the person apologize for what they did or said? Or they think if enough time passed it should make things ok and blame you? The tone of the email with the “finally let it go” is accusatory. Just don’t go there.

[Anonymous]

I’d respond “let what go”

If they cant explain what “it” is then I’d say I can’t until you can understand “it”.

[Anonymous]

Women

[Anonymous]

Silence is pretty immature. You sound like not a great friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Silence is pretty immature. You sound like not a great friend.

So what. The other person wasn't a great friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Silence is pretty immature. You sound like not a great friend.

OP wasn't silent. She told her friend what the problem was and sought a resolution. The friend refused to apologize or even acknowledge that the incident was hurtful, instead justifying her behavior. At that point, OP's only choices are (1) pretend it never happened, (2) keep arguing about it, or (3) distance/silence. Of those three options, #3 is the most reasonable.

The friend should have tried harder to resolve the disagreement when it occurred. By digging in her heels and insisting she was right, she forced the conflict. OP felt disrespected. Respect is one of the most fundamental elements of a friendship. You can't have a real friendship without.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been there. Do NOT respond. This person is manipulative and has no respect for you. S/he will likely demonize you if you answer with anything except "Sure, I'm done being stupid! Let's be besties!" Don't engage. Don't respond. Keep your eyes forward.

+1

It’s called hoovering

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do I feel like the significant incident wasn't so significant? What happened?

I would rethink holding grudges life is short perhaps you both just needed a break.

The fact that you know nothing about this situation yet are opining so confidently based on nonsense you made up in your head speaks volumes. Lemme guess, you've been cut off repeatedly and none of it is your fault?

Agreed. OP, ignore the former friend’s email and continue to live your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d respond “let what go”

If they cant explain what “it” is then I’d say I can’t until you can understand “it”.

I love this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Months ago I stopped speaking to someone I had been close to for a long time. There was a significant incident that I found deeply disrespectful. When I raised it at the time, instead of acknowledging it, they doubled down and explained why they were justified. I decided to disengage.

We share mutual acquaintances, so I’ve quietly managed logistics by skipping events where they’ll be and not including them in things I host.

Out of nowhere, I received an email asking if I can “finally let it go” because they “miss me and want to be in my life again.” There was no acknowledgment of what happened and no apology.

I’m honestly more irritated now than I was before. I’m unsure whether to ignore it, respond briefly, or say something more direct. If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? How would you respond?

Block them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Months ago I stopped speaking to someone I had been close to for a long time. There was a significant incident that I found deeply disrespectful. When I raised it at the time, instead of acknowledging it, they doubled down and explained why they were justified. I decided to disengage.

We share mutual acquaintances, so I’ve quietly managed logistics by skipping events where they’ll be and not including them in things I host.

Out of nowhere, I received an email asking if I can “finally let it go” because they “miss me and want to be in my life again.” There was no acknowledgment of what happened and no apology.

I’m honestly more irritated now than I was before. I’m unsure whether to ignore it, respond briefly, or say something more direct. If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? How would you respond?

Ignoring this seems like a very passive aggressive way of handling a rupture in a relationship that you describe as "close for a long time." It is fine to respond to the email saying that you have been unable to "let it go" and they were unwilling to acknowledge your feelings. If they would like to be in your life, you get to decide what the conditions for that are, but just skipping events and avoiding the issue is not mature.

Don’t do this. Ignoring is aggressive aggressive. Its apology or nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been there. Do NOT respond. This person is manipulative and has no respect for you. S/he will likely demonize you if you answer with anything except "Sure, I'm done being stupid! Let's be besties!" Don't engage. Don't respond. Keep your eyes forward.

+1

It’s called hoovering

Hoovering if OP agrees to "forget about it" and pretend everything is fine. If OP says "no, I'm hurt and you aren't respecting my feelings" then it's DARVO all the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d respond “let what go”

If they cant explain what “it” is then I’d say I can’t until you can understand “it”.

I love this!

+1. I was in this situation once and was instructed to "get over it" and I have long wished I had simply asked "Get over what, specifically?" Because if there is something to get over, why isn't there something to apologize for?