I think it's time to end it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bridgerton and any show is only what total 8 hours? It is ok for relationships to have it's ups and downs. Can you scale back some and then continue to do things together you do enjoy?

I see my BF less during football season. Maybe you should see yours less during Bridgerton season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 54 and he's 60. For both of us, the kids are out of the house. We each own our homes outright and have similar assets in retirement. We are both still working and we both have flexible jobs. We enjoy similar activities and the sex is good. We've been dating for 15mo and each have met the others children. Sounds perfect --right?

Given the choice of hanging out with him or being curled up on my couch with a book or watching Bridgerton, I'd always pick the later. We see each other 1-2x during the week and at least one day/night on the weekend. He'd like to remarry, I'm ambivalent about it but he's also not pushing it at the moment. When we're together we have fun and I enjoy it. But I really enjoy just doing my own thing in my own house. He doesn't like Bridgeton and I feel weird watching it with him--not because of the content but because I know he thinks its insipid. I'm not making a relationship decision based on Bridgerton, but I am considering how I feel when I watch it with him and am wondering why I feel like this. I know people are going to come back with "you're just not into him"---maybe that's true but then what else do I need/want? On paper, our relationship checks all the boxes.

I don’t understand. You rewatch Bridgerton over and over and over? Would you prioritize this obsession over seeing anyone or is it just him?

My (new) wife and I are your age have shows we like the other does not. She had a hobby she likes to do solo. We take separate time for these things. That’s a normal thing couples do.

Yes, this is weird. Why would you ever have to watch it in front of him even if you lived together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you saying you want to spend less time with him? Or you're happy with the current situation but don't want more? If it's the latter, I don't think you have to end it. Don't lie about your feelings and intentions. He might end it, if he's not happy with it, but that's his choice.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being in a committed relationship with someone and not living together if it works for both of you. My dad and his partner have been living happily this way for a decade. They came together in their late 50s and have their own homes and interests and this set up works for them.

Maybe. As I think about it, I have a circle of friends that I enjoy spending time with and activities that I enjoy doing. Anytime I have free time and want to spend it doing something other than being with him he gets disappointed and it comes through. He doesn't have a large circle of friends or hobbies. In the summer months, he enjoys outdoor concerts with friends, but they don't do anything during the colder months. Maybe I just don't want to be someones "everything".

This is the problem. It's exhausting to be with somebody like that.

Communicate to him that you want time to yourself. Let him know you'll see him a couple times a week, but you need your space as well, and when he acts disappointed, it makes you want to see him even less. Also that he needs to make his own friends because you cab't be his only social outlet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if maybe you enjoy having someone to see 2-3x a week, but don't want to get married because you'll potentially lose a lot of yourself?

I think women feel the pressure to be available to a man 24/7 for his entertainment, and to stop watching their shows they enjoy in favor of shows he likes. It's not fun to live in a house with someone who hates your TV shows.

Is he making a lot of commentary on Bridgerton that bothers you? Like constantly criticizing it?

I had an xH who hated the "insipid" stuff I watched, yet he expected me to listen to him prattle on and on about the Godfather or Cormac McCarthy novels. That's a one-sided relationship, and it sucks. He should be showing interest in the things you like as well.

Could you stay in this relationship if you agreed marriage was off the table? Maybe you just need to have a conversation - let him know you don't want to get married so the pressure is off you, and he can decide for himself if he wants to stay or leave.

You sound like a silly girl

I am! Life is too short to be serious all the time. I like what I like, and if a guy thinks it's silly, he can move on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no shame in admitting you’re asexual, OP. Many women your age are. Just end it.

Are you saying that because sex doesn't trump all else I am asexual?

yes, in one way. If you don't want him around or have no needs met from him then you could be just asexual who likes to be alone. I think it would be abusive if you string him along thinking that you are into him more than you show. Be honest and end it if you are not feeling it and enjoy time with your books and shows but then don't message him or someone else after a couple of months when you get lonely.

[Anonymous]

Op, do you have an avoidant personality style? How was the last marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:fwb and companionship when you want it. No need to end it. If he wants to remarry, he will probably end it, and sounds like you won't be too heartbroken over it.

I agree with this. Slowly make him a FWB.

That would be wrong. Talk to him if he wants to be a FWB and if not then end it. Be honest and don't be sneaky or cruel like a few other people over here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd end it. You're hurting him if you feel that way. At 60 he's not totally over the hill and might have a chance of finding a better life partner if you end it now.

She on the other hand, at 54, is unlikely to find one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd end it. You're hurting him if you feel that way. At 60 he's not totally over the hill and might have a chance of finding a better life partner if you end it now.

She on the other hand, at 54, is unlikely to find one.

Did you read the OP? She doesn’t care. She would rather watch tv.

Honestly, more power to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd end it. You're hurting him if you feel that way. At 60 he's not totally over the hill and might have a chance of finding a better life partner if you end it now.

She on the other hand, at 54, is unlikely to find one.

Did you read the OP? She doesn’t care. She would rather watch tv.

Honestly, more power to her.

This is so short-sighted. Who will she hang out with when friends are busy? When her kids stop coming home? Who can she trust who will help her when she has a health problem? There is a lot to be said for a medium guy who is devoted and trustworthy.

[Anonymous]

Just tell him clearly what kind of relationship you want and let him take it or leave it.
You can even turn it into friends with benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd end it. You're hurting him if you feel that way. At 60 he's not totally over the hill and might have a chance of finding a better life partner if you end it now.

She on the other hand, at 54, is unlikely to find one.

Did you read the OP? She doesn’t care. She would rather watch tv.

Honestly, more power to her.

This is so short-sighted. Who will she hang out with when friends are busy? When her kids stop coming home? Who can she trust who will help her when she has a health problem? There is a lot to be said for a medium guy who is devoted and trustworthy.

Most elderly women are single. My mother and her 3 siblings are all widowed, single, or divorced. They help each other and make it work.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he has some good traits but he's not your person. And that's ok. Are you worried about not finding someone else? I probably stayed with my last two BFs a bit too long but it's hard sometimes knowing the alternative to a just-ok dude is maybe being single for a long time. I'm almost 54 and the dating pool isn't great so I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems the sex is bad. I will never pick a tv show over good sex.

This is OP. So good sex should trump everything else? If it doesn’t, it’s not good? I can’t have sex all night and get up for work the next day. Or I should want sex with him so much that I can’t imagine anything better?

If you have to ask this question, explaining to you won't help.

+1. This makes me so sad. Every woman deserves a partner that absolutely makes her want sex more than anything else. At least for the first few years.

[Anonymous]

You need to meet that man that doesn’t want to get married from the other thread and switch mates with him