Being Objectified- no emotional connection

[Anonymous]

Women need to stop getting into positions where they are entirely dependent upon men, financially.

The bad men will exploit that power dynamic. And children need to see that either gender can do either job (home & child care vs breadwinner).

Both are adults, and both are parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, We both work, he just makes more. He refuses couples work. He was in therapy when we met (after his 1st marriage) and was much different. It has just become worse over time.

If he refuses couple work, that is a statement.

Honestly, prepare for divorce.

[Anonymous]

What is your sex life like?

He’s obviously an ass, but I’m wondering if he’s just shooting his shot (crudely) on the off chance that you can be convinced to get into the mood.

If my wife of nearly 20 years was receptive to it, I’d be handsy and playful, but she isn’t so I don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

I wish my husband was as dominant and yours and treated me like that.
My DH is too soft and gentle. It’s not fun.

[Anonymous]

I don’t say this lightly. Divorce this man. There is a reason he got divorced the first time and his “therapy” foray didn’t stick. He refuses to get therapy again. He treats you like an object and your children are watching this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

Contempt. Marriage killer.

Sounds like maybe you don't work and he resents being the soul breadwinner. Forgive me if I have that wrong. But it's a common dynamic.

Reading is fundamental

[Anonymous]

Second marriage ?
Red Flag 🚩

Ugh

[Anonymous]

Get yourself in counseling. You need to stand up to this perverse behavior, which is what it is. Your change with counseling will be helpful to you planning your next steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a porn addiction. The way men treat you gets worse over time.

I am woman and this is a ridiculous statment. Men doing things or saying things that you or other woman MAY not like is not an indication of porn addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

I wish my husband was as dominant and yours and treated me like that.
My DH is too soft and gentle. It’s not fun.

We have this type of relationship, but we have open communication about this and we have defined cues for this. I take a specific action or say something indirectly that indicates the type of intimacy I am interested in or open to. DH takes a specific action or makes a particular statement, I know what he is seeking or open to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

Thai forum has been eye opening for me. I didn't know there were men that treated their wives this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

In my marriage those comments aren't me being objectified but banter and joking between dh and I. My response to being on my knees would have been last time i looked there wasn't much to work with so you don't really need help. And we would both laugh and go on with doing what we were doing. But my marriage is one were we can make stupid comments and neither takes it serious because we know its just a joke.

Is your husband just trying to be silly with you hoping to get into a back and forth banter without neither taking it seriously?

[Anonymous]

A few people have mentioned couples therapy. I think this is a great suggestion.

Question: Is he the higher libido spouse between the two of you? Could it be some sarcastic way of expressing frustration?

If not, it sounds like he’s got some growing up to do. He still thinks he’s in a relationship with a college gf or woman in her 20’s. Young women and gf’s want sex and are willing to have fun, joke around about it and even be crude occasionally for a laugh. He hasn’t grown up and realized he’s not with that fun person any more. There’s only responsibility now and consistently falls short. Nothing kills a wifes sex drive like a man who does/doesn’t do something she can take issue with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wants to feel loved but doesn't know how to go about it.

Wow. Hilarious response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

I wish my husband was as dominant and yours and treated me like that.
My DH is too soft and gentle. It’s not fun.

Gross.