Being Objectified- no emotional connection

[Anonymous]

Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

[Anonymous]

You’ve been married for 20 years. Has he gotten worse lately? What was the relationship like at the beginning? What changed that it is now driving you crazy?

[Anonymous]

Couples therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

ewww. I am so sorry. Dirty talk, which I dont even think this qualifies as IMO, should be consensual.

[Anonymous]

He wants to feel loved but doesn't know how to go about it.

[Anonymous]

Couples therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

Contempt. Marriage killer.

Sounds like maybe you don't work and he resents being the soul breadwinner. Forgive me if I have that wrong. But it's a common dynamic.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't respect you. You've asked him to stop and he minimizes or dismisses your feelings completely. Does he do this with other things in your marriage or is it just when it comes to how he addresses you?

[Anonymous]

OP here, We both work, he just makes more. He refuses couples work. He was in therapy when we met (after his 1st marriage) and was much different. It has just become worse over time.

[Anonymous]

Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, We both work, he just makes more. He refuses couples work. He was in therapy when we met (after his 1st marriage) and was much different. It has just become worse over time.

Then you read him the riot act. Tell him he’ll be in his second divorce without some couples counseling.

[Anonymous]

What a tool he sounds like. Random question, did he vote for Trump?

[Anonymous]

Very disrespectful, gross, and immature. He’s teaching your sons to objectify women. He really needs to grow up, but one pro is that atleast he still likes you after all these years, but he needs to be mature about it.

[Anonymous]

He's emotionally immature. I live with similar. Good luck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

After 20 years you tell him it's time for him to grow up.