Being Objectified- no emotional connection

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wants to feel loved but doesn't know how to go about it.

This is an excellent point.

[Anonymous]

so this, to me, is so disrespectful -

what I am going to do to earn the money

if he talked like this before, you knew what you were getting into and allowed. either way - call him on it, say it needs to change, and watch for it to or leave - because there's 20+ years more of that. consider: why would you want to be intimate with someone who thinks of women that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

ewww. I am so sorry. Dirty talk, which I dont even think this qualifies as IMO, should be consensual.

In this his juvenile crass sense of humor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so this, to me, is so disrespectful -

what I am going to do to earn the money

if he talked like this before, you knew what you were getting into and allowed. either way - call him on it, say it needs to change, and watch for it to or leave - because there's 20+ years more of that. consider: why would you want to be intimate with someone who thinks of women that way?

Half of the assets you've collectively accumulated over the last 20 years are yours, OP. So that's your response. You'll pay for things with marital property/

[Anonymous]

“Keep talking to me like I’m a whore and I’ll never f*uck you again, just to
Prove you wrong”

[Anonymous]

Don't hope a fish will climb a tree. He can't.
20 years is plenty. Get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for 20 years. DH has no ability to interact with me like I am a person. I walk in a room trying to grab stuff for the kids in a hurry and he says stuff like "how about you help me while your on your knees" ; or if I say we have to pay for something like a house repair he will ask me what I am going to do to earn the money. It's stuff like that non-stop. While are son's are close by, while I am cooking. It is so old. I have told him to stop a million times and he says that I am the problem. I just don't want to be treated like a piece of meat all the time. We have so much tension between us that we barely speak, but when we do he launches right back into these comments. We both work, but he makes way more than me and seems to think that means he is more important.

You’re not telling us everything.
I suspect that you are a reckless spender. You are not contributing much but you are spending all the money.
What are you going to do earn more. That’s the question.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a porn addiction. The way men treat you gets worse over time.

[Anonymous]

You must be a SAHM OP

[Anonymous]

Wow, I did this with my late wife but in a much friendlier way and not in front of kids and we had a lot of fun with it. Yes, if she needed me to fix something, we discussed payment, etc. It could be as simple as a flash that put a smile on my face. She also extracted payment.

She played along like we were a couple of bad actors in a dumb porn movie, or some cheesy spontaneous role play. It was harmless, sexy fun by two people who were crazy for each other.

I'm sorry he makes it creepy, juvenile and annoying and you aren't into it. Are you still interested in him otherwise? Maybe his dumb ass needs a lesson in how you like to be wooed.

[Anonymous]

Has this been going on 20 years? Honestly if my husband said that to me I would be so disappointed and disgusted it would truly be a marriage killer without extreme repentance.

I am sorry you are being subjected to this. You deserve better. The question is, do you feel it’s worth even attempting to fix… if not, prepare yourself to divorce so you can land in the best standing (financial, emotional, logistical, etc) possible.

[Anonymous]

Is there emotional intimacy in the marriage?
That can get side-tracked when in the stress of kids, work, running a household and family.

[Anonymous]

Twenty long years and it’s now become an issue?

He sounds immature and you overlooked that and settled for his antics a long time ago.

He’s not changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't respect you. You've asked him to stop and he minimizes or dismisses your feelings completely. Does he do this with other things in your marriage or is it just when it comes to how he addresses you?

I don’t agree with what he is doing, but he is clearly seeking, the wrong way, physical connection or intimacy. Has he tried other methods and been shot down, have you initiated before he has a chance to ask? It may be a “I have nothing to lose” attitude.

[Anonymous]

Sounds awful.

I suggest you demand marriage counseling. He needs to understand his own misogyny, and how he is disrespecting you.

I hope that there is time you save your sons from this ugliness.