Why would someone choose a random neighborhood for custody exchanges?

[Anonymous]

This is very sad. I assumed that custody exchanges happen where the child is staying (so for example, at mom’s house when the child is with her, and at dad’s house when the child is with him). I can envision reasons why this can’t or shouldn’t happen and they all make me very sad for the child.

[Anonymous]

Maybe a grandparent or other childcare provider lives on your street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway is why don’t they have their own gear? Like why all this stuff changing instead is pulling the kid out of car 1 and popping them into car 2 and done.

Not everyone has the money for two sets of children’s items and others are working with a coparent who refuses to spend money on having their own things for kids even if they can afford it.

As someone in a divorce with a very high conflict person and who is already embarrassed by the scrutiny our exchanges get from neighbors, some of the judgey comments here confirm everything I’ve wondered about what people think of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway is why don’t they have their own gear? Like why all this stuff changing instead is pulling the kid out of car 1 and popping them into car 2 and done.

Not everyone has the money for two sets of children’s items and others are working with a coparent who refuses to spend money on having their own things for kids even if they can afford it.

As someone in a divorce with a very high conflict person and who is already embarrassed by the scrutiny our exchanges get from neighbors, some of the judgey comments here confirm everything I’ve wondered about what people think of us.

I have a solution for you!

Choose a random street deep within a neighborhood and exchange there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway is why don’t they have their own gear? Like why all this stuff changing instead is pulling the kid out of car 1 and popping them into car 2 and done.

Not everyone has the money for two sets of children’s items and others are working with a coparent who refuses to spend money on having their own things for kids even if they can afford it.

As someone in a divorce with a very high conflict person and who is already embarrassed by the scrutiny our exchanges get from neighbors, some of the judgey comments here confirm everything I’ve wondered about what people think of us.

I have a solution for you!

Choose a random street deep within a neighborhood and exchange there!

As soon as I read this thread I was imagining which random block to choose!

[Anonymous]

Probably a VERY contentious mediation or divorce and your location was exactly in the middle mileage wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very sad. I assumed that custody exchanges happen where the child is staying (so for example, at mom’s house when the child is with her, and at dad’s house when the child is with him). I can envision reasons why this can’t or shouldn’t happen and they all make me very sad for the child.

Generally that's actually not recommended. A neutral place, or a natural transition (like one parent drops off at school and the other picks up at school) is generally considered to be better for the kid so they have some decompression/adjustment time between houses and there's no drama about one parent taking the kid away from another parent's home.

As others have said, my guess is this location is *exactly* half way between the two houses, and out of the way enough that you don't need to worry about getting hit by a car on I-95 or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably a VERY contentious mediation or divorce and your location was exactly in the middle mileage wise.

If that were the case they’d be mandated to do it in a safe, supervised location.

It’s also unlikely to be high conflict given the sharing of supplies. Little kids like their own special things. They are attached to their car seats, even the weird spot on the arm that got scrubbed and now has a different texture. They know the difference between two “identical” seats. High conflict tend to end up not sharing bags and possessions because of conflict over lost and damaged items, fears of something being planted in the bags, etc. The fact that they are exchanging possessions with the child and the exchanges are happening without drama point to low conflict.

It’s a public road and OP has no right to interfere with this family. There are many reasons why they may have chosen this spot, some of which have already been explained. People really need to calm down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably a VERY contentious mediation or divorce and your location was exactly in the middle mileage wise.

I can see 2 lawyers haggling endlessly (and billing) over determining the exact middle-point for the kid-hand-off.

Divorcing with kids is miserable.

[Anonymous]

Exact midpoint. Likely was a legal decision and put into Mapquest, etc.. identified as the specific midway destination.

Or.. how long have you lived there? Maybe they previously lived in your home.

[Anonymous]

My parents did this because they wanted neutrality. It was fine, not traumatic, but I always felt like a piece of cargo in these moments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Probably a VERY contentious mediation or divorce and your location was exactly in the middle mileage wise.

If that were the case they’d be mandated to do it in a safe, supervised location.

It’s also unlikely to be high conflict given the sharing of supplies. Little kids like their own special things. They are attached to their car seats, even the weird spot on the arm that got scrubbed and now has a different texture. They know the difference between two “identical” seats. High conflict tend to end up not sharing bags and possessions because of conflict over lost and damaged items, fears of something being planted in the bags, etc. The fact that they are exchanging possessions with the child and the exchanges are happening without drama point to low conflict.

It’s a public road and OP has no right to interfere with this family. There are many reasons why they may have chosen this spot, some of which have already been explained. People really need to calm down.

A divorce can be contentious, with neither parent being abusive or unsafe.

I can absolutely imagine an arrangement where an address was set in mediation, or by the court, maybe it was one parent's home, or a grandparent, or a childcare provider, and then when it stopped making sense, because one parent moved or stopped using that childcare provider, the other parent insisted on keeping it there just to be obnoxious.

I have also seen contentious divorces where the parent who pays child support insists that their child support should cover everything, and refuses to buy basics like clothes, or carseats, etc . . . for their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Halfway between where the two of them live? Doesn't want to do it on a busy street so they can take their time and not stress out the kid? If it bothers you, come out when next they do it and tell them to do it somewhere else.

Op doesn’t own the street in front of her house and has no right to tell them not to do the kid swap there. That would be so out of line and rude…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the first car that comes to please pick a spot down the block in the future.
This is creepy. Gun violence a possibility you never know with study crap.

Get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re so curious, ask them…

+1

Jfc. I’d ask who are you then tell you to mind your business