How Long Should I Let Him Go?

[Anonymous]

I think at around the one month mark I’d have the conversation about the conversation. “Hey, so I know this layoff has been tough to process, and I think it’s been good that you’ve been giving yourself some time. But at some point in the near future, when you’re ready, I’d like to start talking about what you see your next steps as and how that might impact us as a family. If you need a bit more time though before you’re ready to start talking about the future, I totally understand.”

Plant the seed, see if he’s receptive, go from there. But I’d probably want to actually have the conversation by about the two month mark.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for the feedback. I'll give him a little more time. FTR, he was VP at a large construction firm that went under/reorganized. He is a registered architect and has worked in both environments. He has a unique skill set. We've been together close to 30 years and he's never had an issue finding a job. In fact, for many of the positions he's held, he was offered the position at the initial interview.

I know it is tough out there for everyone, especially those of us close to 60. You will just have to take my word for it but my husband looks 45. He has a full head of hair with no gray and is thin and fit. He was carded until he was close to 50, not just in places where they card everyone. He is planning to tailor his resume to look like he is a little younger to fit with his appearance.

We are both realistically concerned because it feels like construction/architecture sucks right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to let go, and accept the new normal. You can’t make him do anything. This is a new chapter. The expectation is that while he’s home he will take over household work to save money and make your life easier. If he isn’t going that, then you have a problem.

exactly, you should get a second job until your partner can recover.

life goes on. did he have to train his h1B replacement?

thank Democrats for importing more and more H1Bs and L1s and H4s. They say importing more workers, helps existing workers. imagine that.

Whatever are you prattling on about, simpleton?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:M wife’s friend's husband did this crap. At month four he was fishing, sleeping in, grew a goatee, playing golf no job hunt yet and she blew up on him.

He said well you work and we have medical so I am just retiring early and going to hang out.

The next day she quit her job. Said rock is on your back, I will let house go into foreclosure, divorce you, toss you on street before I become your slave working around the clock for a dead beat husnand, he got a new big job in 60 days

She sounds like a real twat. He should divorce her lazy ass.

[Anonymous]

It is a tough market out there. I like the suggestion of meeting with a financial planner together. Hopefully you have one, if not probably a good time to find one. Have your DH think through what kind of job would be interesting/ exciting to him. Does he know anyone that is doing that kind of work that he can talk with about how he got into that. Think if he can think of she would like to do - he is most likely to see if he can find such a position.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Update. My husband just told me he was contacted (unsolicited) by another firm who heard about his company's implosion and wants to talk to him. He isn't going to jump at the first thing, but he is going to talk to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:M wife’s friend's husband did this crap. At month four he was fishing, sleeping in, grew a goatee, playing golf no job hunt yet and she blew up on him.

He said well you work and we have medical so I am just retiring early and going to hang out.

The next day she quit her job. Said rock is on your back, I will let house go into foreclosure, divorce you, toss you on street before I become your slave working around the clock for a dead beat husnand, he got a new big job in 60 days

She sounds like a real twat. He should divorce her lazy ass.

Here is fun part, he did find a great job at 55. It lasted three years. But he was ten years older than wife. They had two younger kids as they got married when he was 46 and she was 36. And to add to madness he wanted to retire early at 58. At 58 he just quit his $250,000 a year job and wanted his 48 year old wife to work full time with two young kids at home while he hangs around relaxing as He rarely helped at home.

She divorced him a few months later and got a husband her own age with a big job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the feedback. I'll give him a little more time. FTR, he was VP at a large construction firm that went under/reorganized. He is a registered architect and has worked in both environments. He has a unique skill set. We've been together close to 30 years and he's never had an issue finding a job. In fact, for many of the positions he's held, he was offered the position at the initial interview.

I know it is tough out there for everyone, especially those of us close to 60. You will just have to take my word for it but my husband looks 45. He has a full head of hair with no gray and is thin and fit. He was carded until he was close to 50, not just in places where they card everyone. He is planning to tailor his resume to look like he is a little younger to fit with his appearance.

We are both realistically concerned because it feels like construction/architecture sucks right now.

I am still trying to understand the comment that he is "close to retirement". To me, retirement is a financial decision...so if I am close to retirement because I have a ton saved but maybe I am just short say 5% of the number I want to hit, then not sure why it's a problem to just retire. You cut back a bit, but it's not really going to be devastating.

I guess I don't get this pressure to keep working until 65...unless in fact you both "aren't close to retirement" really at all from a financial perspective, but I guess you are close to 65.

[Anonymous]

he should have been agressively looking for a job day 1. severance isn't vacation my DH would use it as double pay goal. Get his lazy white ass in line

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, why don't you get a better paying job rather than pushing or expecting your DH to do it in certain way?

+1. I think you should start looking, not your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the feedback. I'll give him a little more time. FTR, he was VP at a large construction firm that went under/reorganized. He is a registered architect and has worked in both environments. He has a unique skill set. We've been together close to 30 years and he's never had an issue finding a job. In fact, for many of the positions he's held, he was offered the position at the initial interview.

I know it is tough out there for everyone, especially those of us close to 60. You will just have to take my word for it but my husband looks 45. He has a full head of hair with no gray and is thin and fit. He was carded until he was close to 50, not just in places where they card everyone. He is planning to tailor his resume to look like he is a little younger to fit with his appearance.

We are both realistically concerned because it feels like construction/architecture sucks right now.

With all the illegals getting iced, how does your husband expect to find a job? There’s no one available to build anything! If you aren’t in the construction industry, I’d shift perspective and recommend that *you* look for a higher paying job, be dude your husband is going to be out of work for a long while.

[Anonymous]

You need to let him relax. Don’t blow up your marriage over a low six figure job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:M wife’s friend's husband did this crap. At month four he was fishing, sleeping in, grew a goatee, playing golf no job hunt yet and she blew up on him.

He said well you work and we have medical so I am just retiring early and going to hang out.

The next day she quit her job. Said rock is on your back, I will let house go into foreclosure, divorce you, toss you on street before I become your slave working around the clock for a dead beat husnand, he got a new big job in 60 days

He should divorce her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the feedback. I'll give him a little more time. FTR, he was VP at a large construction firm that went under/reorganized. He is a registered architect and has worked in both environments. He has a unique skill set. We've been together close to 30 years and he's never had an issue finding a job. In fact, for many of the positions he's held, he was offered the position at the initial interview.

I know it is tough out there for everyone, especially those of us close to 60. You will just have to take my word for it but my husband looks 45. He has a full head of hair with no gray and is thin and fit. He was carded until he was close to 50, not just in places where they card everyone. He is planning to tailor his resume to look like he is a little younger to fit with his appearance.

We are both realistically concerned because it feels like construction/architecture sucks right now.

With all the illegals getting iced, how does your husband expect to find a job? There’s no one available to build anything! If you aren’t in the construction industry, I’d shift perspective and recommend that *you* look for a higher paying job, be dude your husband is going to be out of work for a long while.

Rent free. Saturated and pervasive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, why don't you get a better paying job rather than pushing or expecting your DH to do it in certain way?

+1. I think you should start looking, not your DH.

I’m a Fed at a GS 15-10 with 32 years in. I’m not looking for a new job. I have fewer than 5 years until I hit the higher pension level. I carry our health insurance. I haven’t been on the FEHB for five years because up until 3 years ago they paid all the premiums for our family. Once they stopped paying, we went back over to the FEHB.

Also, I’m a lawyer. The legal market sucks worse than construction/architecture market.