How Long Should I Let Him Go?

[Anonymous]

My husband was let go from his company along with many, many others in mid-December. He was given 16 weeks severance along with being allowed to keep his company car and cell phone. He will also be getting a payout from his deferred compensation. He is very close to retirement but not quite there yet. I want him to start looking for a new job. He has always found new positions fairly easily. However, his industry has taken a hit in this economy. (He isn't a lawyer) He was a VP in his former position and he is fairly certain that he won't be able to find a new position at that level. All of that is fine, but he hasn't started looking. I know he needs time to come to terms with the loss of this position. (It wasn't a surprise, the company had slowly been going under for a long time) He's been doing lots of stuff around the house and has been helpful by making dinner, doing laundry, taking down decorations, etc. He isn't lazy by any means but I'd like him to start looking given the state of the economy.

I'm employed so we won't starve, but we lost 1/2 our HHI. The severence runs out in April. I don't see him updating his resume or reaching out to his network. Do I say anything? He isn't irresponsible. He knows this makes me nervous. I don't want to put pressure on him but I feel like he should be looking. If it were me, I would be furiously applying for everything I could find, networking, etc.

[Anonymous]

You need to let go, and accept the new normal. You can’t make him do anything. This is a new chapter. The expectation is that while he’s home he will take over household work to save money and make your life easier. If he isn’t going that, then you have a problem.

[Anonymous]

Not many places are hiring/interviewing mid-December until the first week of January. Three weeks to recharge during the holidays before ramping up for a job search doesn't seem like much. Check back in a month.

[Anonymous]

OP, you've reference him -not looking- about 6 times in different ways. He's obviously not on the same page as you. You are going to have to wait, probably until April, to know what he plans to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to let go, and accept the new normal. You can’t make him do anything. This is a new chapter. The expectation is that while he’s home he will take over household work to save money and make your life easier. If he isn’t going that, then you have a problem.

exactly, you should get a second job until your partner can recover.

life goes on. did he have to train his h1B replacement?

thank Democrats for importing more and more H1Bs and L1s and H4s. They say importing more workers, helps existing workers. imagine that.

[Anonymous]

How much longer until retirement ?

[Anonymous]

I think it's too early to say something. But I would probably say something at the 4 to 5 week mark. I think it's hard for some people to leap into the work that is involved in reaching out to contacts and updating resumes, etc. He might be stuck and can't muster up the energy to do that hard work that is a constant reminder that he was let go.

Given that he's been helpful, and it was the holidays, he definitely gets some grace here. But licking your wounds doesn't help get 1/2 HHI back. And the longer he's out of work, the worse his mental state could become.

He needs to get back out there for his family and for himself given that he isn't in a position to retire yet.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked him -- non-judgementally -- what he thinks his plans are for looking for a new job? Asked him to discuss the family budget with you?

[Anonymous]

I agree with others that were just coming out of the holidays and it's early into his new phase. That said, I don't think you should feel you have to walk on eggshells. This impacts you too. It's fair to ask what his overall plan is.

[Anonymous]

Give him time. He was laid off and then Holidays which are stressful. I wouldn't say anything for another two weeks then sit him down without a tone and talk about budget and if he has a plan moving forward.

You need to budget and live as if you only will have your income. You should have been doing that when he realized he would be laid off eventually.

Many people don't get their previous titles or salaries, so living within your means of your one salary even if he gets another job would be a smart move moving forward. If he can't find a new job and you are getting nervous could you sell your home and downsize?

My in-laws did that when they were having some financial hiccups. It came back, but the they realized they didn't need the giant house and upscale lifestyle, they realized they preferred the smaller home and a Toyota instead of a leased luxury vehicle etc.

[Anonymous]

Let him know you would like to schedule a meeting with your financial planner to work out the various scenarios. Discuss his plan and what impact this has on your finances. Totally reasonable. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Op, why don't you get a better paying job rather than pushing or expecting your DH to do it in certain way?

[Anonymous]

Is buckle down and make do on your income. Those unemployed now have been job searching on average 27 weeks. The economy is getting worse. Enjoy the extra time with your family, his housework/family duty can free up your time to enjoy life every day.

[Anonymous]

How old is he?

I was laid off at 58 a high paying job and I started job hunting 50-55 hours a week the next day. Guess what after 6 months found a high paid six month consulting gig still job hunted 20 hours a week. That ended back to 50-55 hours a week and two months later landed a good full time job. Still not same as last pay so continued to job hunt 15-20 hours a week and in my 61st birthday land a job as big as job at 58. Big office, staff, c level.

They don’t come easy. I could have gave up. That was almost 2.5 years ago. I am at point I just need to make it to 64 then of let go will retire. I am planning on working to 67 as the 3 years of less pay want to make up.

Don’t really have to but jobs over 60 that pay a lot hard to get. And for good reason. Right now if you hire me good chance I either might have a medical problem, just retire, just don’t care, don’t have stamina.

When I was 45 when got my first big job they knew I was good 10-15 years.

Now I am like a great running car that is 15 years old with 150,000 miles sure I run fine but not much life left. Sad but true.

[Anonymous]

I don't get this. Haven't you talked to him, in a non confrontational/judgemental way? You're sitting there brewing this resentment instead of having a conversation with him.