How Long Should I Let Him Go?
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Anonymous
| Ageism is very real, and the economy is terrible. He might not find another job no matter how hard he looks, OP. My best friend, close to retirement, is on year 2 of looking for a job in her field, and at this point, she's realizing it might not happen. I know so many people like this in that age group. They just retire a little earlier than planned. |
Anonymous
We is she looking in her “field” you have to reinvent. For instance “I use AI to embed Cybersecurity into Crypto trading at FinTech firms” type shit into resume and reinvent yourself. |
Anonymous
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M wife’s friend's husband did this crap. At month four he was fishing, sleeping in, grew a goatee, playing golf no job hunt yet and she blew up on him.
He said well you work and we have medical so I am just retiring early and going to hang out. The next day she quit her job. Said rock is on your back, I will let house go into foreclosure, divorce you, toss you on street before I become your slave working around the clock for a dead beat husnand, he got a new big job in 60 days |
Anonymous
Wow |
Anonymous
| People are nuts here. If you love your husband then extend him more grace. It’s been 3 weeks and he’ll be paid through April. You should be his place of comfort and peace. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
What happened after the husband got the new big job? Did the wife go back to work? Did they divorce? |
Anonymous
Wow +2….talk about a kick in the butt! |
Anonymous
He is an idiot. Should have divorced her first. |
Anonymous
| I agree with other posters that you are not on the same page. Yes, of course you should have a discussion with him. Not to tell him what to do, but to get on the same page. Otherwise you say nothing and build up resentment and nothing good will come from that. Open communication is always the answer. |
Anonymous
| How much money do you objectively need? To pay mortgage and your kids’ college expenses? If it’s all covered and you have medical insurance and enough money for food, it’s no rush. |
Anonymous
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Well, I am your husband in this scenario. I have a check-in conversation with my DH every week or two to get his thoughts on how things are going. We are in a slightly different position in that we did not really need my income. At the same time, I know I would not want to be the single income in the family, too stressful - my DH says he doesn't mind. So, I'm sort of looking, applied to a literal handful of jobs over months, found some other pursuits (unpaid).
Anyway, I do think my DH would care if I didn't have these check-in conversations and just assumed. And if I weren't proactive, I would be ok with my DH saying to me - Hey, can we just have a chat about how you're feeling about things tomorrow? And during that, you should just ask your DH - how are you doing? What do you see as the long term plan? Can we look at financials together and see where we are/do we need to cut anything, etc.? And the financial piece - I am getting severance for a long time. I still have months of it. But, from the day I lost my job, we stopped using my income and cut out unneeded things. I know living on one salary is a luxury, so I don't expect that from everyone, but you all need to have a conversation about your plan - what is the plan if he is without a job when severance runs out? You need to talk about all that AND those conversations can be had without pressing him to look for a job. You may realize that you actually can live on one income for a while. That should make you feel better. The other part - and I know this makes me a smaller person, but it also speaks to the fact that I never loved my career - even if we didn't need the money, if the roles were reversed, I would probably resent it if my husband could stay home and I had to go to work at a job I disliked. I know that's not that mature. My DH does not feel that way, but I know it would color my responses if things were reversed, especially if that was looking like a long term thing. So, also look at that within yourself and how much is valid anxiety vs. being a bit envious. I see you saying you want him to look for a job, but not that your family needs the income. |
Anonymous
| Mid-december is not long ago. Just give him his time to figure out he wants to do next. |
Anonymous
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He wasn't a minimum wage earner. Where is all the money he made all these years?
Let him retire. |
Anonymous
Also about 200,000 feds (countrywide) lost jobs last year. Everyone is looking. It will take time. |