DD dyed her hair pink and I’m not mad but am concerned

[Anonymous]

Hair can get boring, so people make fun changes, the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you believe that dyeing your hair pink is a cry for help?

OP here. Yes I do. When I was growing up this was the conventionally accepted belief in that time and place. That dyeing your hair an unnatural color is a sign of deeper problems.

Is she grossly overweight? That’s the demographic I usually see the unnatural colored hair on. Maybe she wants to increase her self esteem so people will notice her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid with neon hair, a small tattoo, and a piercing. Kid is at a top university. Has joked to me how the parents on the student tours will look at them askance and with fear in their eyes as they pass by on campus. This kid is a top of class student in chosen major, will graduate with honors, is employed, is nearing graduation, is being recruited, is doing very, very well. For Gen Z, dying hair and body art is like wearing checkered Vans with a mohawk was for Gen X.

Yes, freaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you believe that dyeing your hair pink is a cry for help?

OP here. Yes I do. When I was growing up this was the conventionally accepted belief in that time and place. That dyeing your hair an unnatural color is a sign of deeper problems.

Is she grossly overweight? That’s the demographic I usually see the unnatural colored hair on. Maybe she wants to increase her self esteem so people will notice her?

Seriously, have you ever been to a middle school? What isolated country are people on this thread posting from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? Who cares?

If my child did this they would be grounded. If anything OP’s response is tame.

OP response is not tame. Her response makes it seem like she's off her meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can be a freak when she's supporting herself, out of the house, with her own money. If she wants an ordinary life in a family home, being gifted a college education - she's not to look like a freak

Some of the posts in this thread are so awful. The above is a classic example of conditional parental love. Sometimes I really feel like the parenting norms in this area are sick. If you ventured to virtually any other town outside the stuffy halls of DC you'd see that people are a lot more freely expressing themselves (tattoos, hair, piercings etc.) and frankly a lot of the people are more relaxed and happy.

Of *course* it’s good to check in on her mental health and how she’s doing generally given that it’s such a drastic change in her appearance, but trying to control her appearance and expression seems more likely to backfire than not

[Anonymous]

I had purple hair when I was that age. I just wanted to do something fun. There really wasn't more to it than that. It's pretty much the tamest funky thing you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you believe that dyeing your hair pink is a cry for help?

OP here. Yes I do. When I was growing up this was the conventionally accepted belief in that time and place. That dyeing your hair an unnatural color is a sign of deeper problems.

Is she grossly overweight? That’s the demographic I usually see the unnatural colored hair on. Maybe she wants to increase her self esteem so people will notice her?

Seriously, have you ever been to a middle school? What isolated country are people on this thread posting from?

I have multiple coworkers who did the brught dip dyed hair trend a few years back and I'm a lawyer (you pin it up when you go to court). Brightly colored hair isn't remotely weird.

[Anonymous]

Omg it's hair. I also come from a family and culture of "anything not "normal" is bad". I've tried super hard not to pass that to my kids and to accept them for who they are. My kid is 9 and we already talked about it and how it's ok to color hair and nails if she wants but let's make sure it's safe and what she wants before committing. Of all the body alterations to make it's the most temporary and easiest self expression to experiment with.

[Anonymous]

Neon pink? A light wash over her hair color?

Have any of her friends dyed all or parts of their hair? Changed hair styles?

Experimenting with personal style (hair, clothes) is part of adolescence. Your daughter is trying to define herself as an individual.

However, abrupt change can be a cause for concern. You need to look at the whole picture.

Lastly, unnatural hair color is no longer taboo.

One more thought.... she may have intended to do a streak or something else partial and messed up!

This is not always a cry for help. It's experimentation.

[Anonymous]

OK, folks defending dyed hair are missing OP's point. It's not about dyed hair, which lots of people do.

A 16year old child made a drastic change to her personal appearance, and did so without talking to her mother about it first. Yes, mom has a right to notice a potential red flag. It's not about dying hair writ large. It doesn't sound like something the kid had been talking about and planning and that her freinds are all doing with excitement. It's not something she asked for, got a no, and did anyway. Those would be less concerning, normal teen behavior.

Signs for parents to look for in teens include unexpected and drastic changes in behavior or appearance, even if outwardly the child is acting like their "normal" self -- its called smiling depression and usually is accomanied by behaviors done in secrecy -- like unexpectedly altering your body without ever having talked about doing it before.

May not be going on here, but more information is needed about what was going on before she went pink.

[Anonymous]

Where and when are you people from? I have never dyed my hair or gotten a tattoo but particularly when it comes to hair color, I wouldn’t bat an eyelash. The only concerning thing is that she didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell her mom ahead of time. My teen has never dyed their hair, but would absolutely come ask me. I’d walk through a list of practicalities (upkeep, grow out, change to the texture of the hair until it can completely grow out which could be a couple of years, would a washout product like Overtone be a better solution) but then after if they still wanted to do it my response would be “it’s your head. Hair grows back”.

You didn’t mention any other behavior to indicate that there’s anything else going on. Lighten up, Frances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you believe that dyeing your hair pink is a cry for help?

OP here. Yes I do. When I was growing up this was the conventionally accepted belief in that time and place. That dyeing your hair an unnatural color is a sign of deeper problems.

Is she grossly overweight? That’s the demographic I usually see the unnatural colored hair on. Maybe she wants to increase her self esteem so people will notice her?

Seriously, have you ever been to a middle school? What isolated country are people on this thread posting from?

I went to private middle school and this would not be tolerated. I have a kid in public middle school now and I’ve had another one in middle school not too long ago. We are in an upper middle class area, and I don’t see this often. I see it more in overweight, single cat ladies. Op has a right to be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, folks defending dyed hair are missing OP's point. It's not about dyed hair, which lots of people do.

A 16year old child made a drastic change to her personal appearance, and did so without talking to her mother about it first. Yes, mom has a right to notice a potential red flag. It's not about dying hair writ large. It doesn't sound like something the kid had been talking about and planning and that her freinds are all doing with excitement. It's not something she asked for, got a no, and did anyway. Those would be less concerning, normal teen behavior.

Signs for parents to look for in teens include unexpected and drastic changes in behavior or appearance, even if outwardly the child is acting like their "normal" self -- its called smiling depression and usually is accomanied by behaviors done in secrecy -- like unexpectedly altering your body without ever having talked about doing it before.

May not be going on here, but more information is needed about what was going on before she went pink.

I suspect child did not talk to mom because they know mom would lose their mind and freak out. This kid has been living with Mrs. “I worry about what my church friends will think” for their whole life and didn’t expect a fair conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you believe that dyeing your hair pink is a cry for help?

OP here. Yes I do. When I was growing up this was the conventionally accepted belief in that time and place. That dyeing your hair an unnatural color is a sign of deeper problems.

Is she grossly overweight? That’s the demographic I usually see the unnatural colored hair on. Maybe she wants to increase her self esteem so people will notice her?

Seriously, have you ever been to a middle school? What isolated country are people on this thread posting from?

I went to private middle school and this would not be tolerated. I have a kid in public middle school now and I’ve had another one in middle school not too long ago. We are in an upper middle class area, and I don’t see this often. I see it more in overweight, single cat ladies. Op has a right to be concerned.

This is high school age, and our high school in wealthy Upper Caucasia has all colors of the rainbow going on, and not just on the “fat kids”.