DD dyed her hair pink and I’m not mad but am concerned

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, folks defending dyed hair are missing OP's point. It's not about dyed hair, which lots of people do.

A 16year old child made a drastic change to her personal appearance, and did so without talking to her mother about it first. Yes, mom has a right to notice a potential red flag. It's not about dying hair writ large. It doesn't sound like something the kid had been talking about and planning and that her freinds are all doing with excitement. It's not something she asked for, got a no, and did anyway. Those would be less concerning, normal teen behavior.

Signs for parents to look for in teens include unexpected and drastic changes in behavior or appearance, even if outwardly the child is acting like their "normal" self -- its called smiling depression and usually is accomanied by behaviors done in secrecy -- like unexpectedly altering your body without ever having talked about doing it before.

May not be going on here, but more information is needed about what was going on before she went pink.

Of course it is. If you read OP's posts, it's 100% clear that it's about the hair, specifically, dyeing your hair an unnatural color.

dyeing ALL your hair (which she did) is what I would deem a cry for help.

When I was growing up this was the conventionally accepted belief in that time and place. That dyeing your hair an unnatural color is a sign of deeper problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? Who cares?

If my child did this they would be grounded. If anything OP’s response is tame.

That’s the kid heading for a boatload of tattoos and bad haircuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? Who cares?

If my child did this they would be grounded. If anything OP’s response is tame.

Seriously? Grounded?? That seems extreme. It’s just hair! My oldest has done all kinds of crazy things to her hair and I’m fine with it. The only time I got annoyed was when she turned the white grout in my shower pink. This is the time for them to experiment. Seems normal to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, folks defending dyed hair are missing OP's point. It's not about dyed hair, which lots of people do.

A 16year old child made a drastic change to her personal appearance, and did so without talking to her mother about it first. Yes, mom has a right to notice a potential red flag. It's not about dying hair writ large. It doesn't sound like something the kid had been talking about and planning and that her freinds are all doing with excitement. It's not something she asked for, got a no, and did anyway. Those would be less concerning, normal teen behavior.

Signs for parents to look for in teens include unexpected and drastic changes in behavior or appearance, even if outwardly the child is acting like their "normal" self -- its called smiling depression and usually is accomanied by behaviors done in secrecy -- like unexpectedly altering your body without ever having talked about doing it before.

May not be going on here, but more information is needed about what was going on before she went pink.

This made me chuckle. Mom here won't even ask her daughter about what spurred her new hair color when she shows up at the dinner table with a pink 'do, and you think the daughter is somehow breaking the norms of their free-flowing mommy-daughter chat seshes by not talking about her plans beforehand?

This is not a communicative household. Heck, maybe DD *is* crying out for help, since mom is freaking out online and still hasn't broached the topic. Do they ever talk to each other? The world may never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD 16 dyed her hair pink. To be fair I never told her she couldn’t, but she went and did it. I don’t necessarily feel the need to punish her, it’s really not that big a deal, but I do find this worrying. Maybe I wouldn’t if it was just a streak or something but dyeing ALL your hair (which she did) is what I would deem a cry for help. However, she seems her normal cheerful self, but due to the hair choices I know that’s not the case. Or at least I suspect it’s not the case. I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t intervene? Thoughts?

I agree with you, I’d be deeply concerned and I’d voice that. I’d also sit down with her and review everything - school, friends, etc to see what’s causing this crisis. Clearly she is trying to tell the world she needs help. And damaging her hair in the process.

Lol. What a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would care. It's weird. Sorry for your worry OP. I would worry too. How did she have this done? She drove herself in your car and spent money she has received from you to do this? If it happened at home, I would suspect instead you would know what is happening in your own home.

You are that classic middle class mom who wants nothing more than her child to be popular and worries about what something like pink hair would do to her being popular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, folks defending dyed hair are missing OP's point. It's not about dyed hair, which lots of people do.

A 16year old child made a drastic change to her personal appearance, and did so without talking to her mother about it first. Yes, mom has a right to notice a potential red flag. It's not about dying hair writ large. It doesn't sound like something the kid had been talking about and planning and that her freinds are all doing with excitement. It's not something she asked for, got a no, and did anyway. Those would be less concerning, normal teen behavior.

Signs for parents to look for in teens include unexpected and drastic changes in behavior or appearance, even if outwardly the child is acting like their "normal" self -- its called smiling depression and usually is accomanied by behaviors done in secrecy -- like unexpectedly altering your body without ever having talked about doing it before.

May not be going on here, but more information is needed about what was going on before she went pink.

I suspect child did not talk to mom because they know mom would lose their mind and freak out. This kid has been living with Mrs. “I worry about what my church friends will think” for their whole life and didn’t expect a fair conversation.

+1. Mom is looney tunes. Good for the kid for knowing that.

[Anonymous]

Our very well-adjusted DD did this and she was not dealing with any apparent issues, so we just let her cook. My thesis is that tolerating small acts of “rebellion” in children helps them get it out of their system and avoids potentially larger ones down the road. It helped that most of the time it looked reasonably good, although there were a few color choices I suspect she’d like to have back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She can be a freak when she's supporting herself, out of the house, with her own money. If she wants an ordinary life in a family home, being gifted a college education - she's not to look like a freak

Some of the posts in this thread are so awful. The above is a classic example of conditional parental love. Sometimes I really feel like the parenting norms in this area are sick. If you ventured to virtually any other town outside the stuffy halls of DC you'd see that people are a lot more freely expressing themselves (tattoos, hair, piercings etc.) and frankly a lot of the people are more relaxed and happy.

Of *course* it’s good to check in on her mental health and how she’s doing generally given that it’s such a drastic change in her appearance, but trying to control her appearance and expression seems more likely to backfire than not

Maybe because the area is so full of parents who work as bureaucrats or law enforcement that they can’t imagine thinking out side the norm. Although colorful pretty hair has been normal for a couple of decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our very well-adjusted DD did this and she was not dealing with any apparent issues, so we just let her cook. My thesis is that tolerating small acts of “rebellion” in children helps them get it out of their system and avoids potentially larger ones down the road. It helped that most of the time it looked reasonably good, although there were a few color choices I suspect she’d like to have back.

+1000 Lord grant me a teenage who gets everything out of their system with only low-stakes rebellions and regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our very well-adjusted DD did this and she was not dealing with any apparent issues, so we just let her cook. My thesis is that tolerating small acts of “rebellion” in children helps them get it out of their system and avoids potentially larger ones down the road. It helped that most of the time it looked reasonably good, although there were a few color choices I suspect she’d like to have back.

Exactly! My HS senior has tried many different hair colors. She’s graduating top of her class, accepted ED to a prestigious university, doesn’t drink or do drugs (and yes, I know, she and her friends are not partiers, but they have plenty of fun). She has a bright future and I’m happy that her biggest rebellion is blue hair.

[Anonymous]

This is a perfectly appropriate risk for a teen to take. Teens take risks, and you want them to take risks in things like their hair and clothing choices, rather than drugs and drinking.

Tell her you love it, and take a deep breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD 16 dyed her hair pink. To be fair I never told her she couldn’t, but she went and did it. I don’t necessarily feel the need to punish her, it’s really not that big a deal, but I do find this worrying. Maybe I wouldn’t if it was just a streak or something but dyeing ALL your hair (which she did) is what I would deem a cry for help. However, she seems her normal cheerful self, but due to the hair choices I know that’s not the case. Or at least I suspect it’s not the case. I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t intervene? Thoughts?

TROLL POST. WAS ALREADY POSTED SOME MONTHS AGO THIS EXACT SCENARIO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid with neon hair, a small tattoo, and a piercing. Kid is at a top university. Has joked to me how the parents on the student tours will look at them askance and with fear in their eyes as they pass by on campus. This kid is a top of class student in chosen major, will graduate with honors, is employed, is nearing graduation, is being recruited, is doing very, very well. For Gen Z, dying hair and body art is like wearing checkered Vans with a mohawk was for Gen X.

Yes, freaks.

DP. God bless the freaks, seriously. I’m a normie middle-aged mom who never rebelled whatsoever and I love my teen’s freaky friends with colorful hair and whacky makeup. They’re all good kids just trying things on for size.

[Anonymous]

Framing dyed hair as a drastic change is funny. The reason people mess around with hair colors is because it's one of the least permanent things you can do to change your appearance. You can just dye it back.