Communication is key: Kid food allergies, restrictions, preferences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.

That isn’t what she said. She said for them to put on the plate what they want, without feeling the tell her what they don’t like. If you don’t like the mac and cheese and nuggets, then you take a plate and put on it some fruit and pretzels and cake and be quiet.

It’s possible OP prodded them by asking why they don’t have any mac and cheese or would they like them some…and that is when they said they don’t like it. In which case, well…she asked.

Nothing was stopping them from taking pretzels and fruit they clearly didn’t want them.

[Anonymous]

I served strawberry and vanilla cupcakes and my 7 year old’s birthday party a month ago, and a little girl wrinkled her nose and announced loudly “I DON’T LIKE VANILLA CUPCAKES”. I smiled warmly, told her “aw too bad, at least the birthday girl loves them!”, and thanked God my children aren’t rude. I’ve also stopped serving gluten free or dairy free versions of dishes at birthday parties. People with allergies are welcome to eat fruit or veggies! Or bring their own food. It was getting too excessive to provide for every contingency, and I’ve noticed that the tide has turned on the social pressure to attend to every dietary restriction for children’s parties. I’m grateful for that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I served strawberry and vanilla cupcakes and my 7 year old’s birthday party a month ago, and a little girl wrinkled her nose and announced loudly “I DON’T LIKE VANILLA CUPCAKES”. I smiled warmly, told her “aw too bad, at least the birthday girl loves them!”, and thanked God my children aren’t rude. I’ve also stopped serving gluten free or dairy free versions of dishes at birthday parties. People with allergies are welcome to eat fruit or veggies! Or bring their own food. It was getting too excessive to provide for every contingency, and I’ve noticed that the tide has turned on the social pressure to attend to every dietary restriction for children’s parties. I’m grateful for that!

I would hope that my kids would not do this but they are used to liking the dessert and one time the cake was something really random that only the birthday kid liked (I think it was like a mango custard thing? It honestly sounded delicious to me) and apparently it was a whole scene from a bunch of the kids. I think we gave ours some candy later because they were disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Get your frustration but…there is a huge difference between restrictions/allergies and preferences! You’re the host, you get to set the menu. But your guests don’t have to like or even eat what you’re serving. It would be better if they were more polite about it, sure. Sometimes kids are too frank/rude when an adult would be less direct (and less honest). The vast majority of parents wouldn’t tell you, upon seeing the menu, “My kid doesn’t like that.” (If they did, most people would think they’re nuts/entitled.) They also likely assume your kids DO like what you’re serving, so why would they try to change it? I can’t even imagine how a conversation like that would go. “We are serving mac and cheese. Any dietary restrictions?” “No, but my kid hates mac and cheese, so please change your menu, thanks.”

I tell people what we’re serving so I can make sure it won’t kill anyone AND so they can plan. Their kid doesn’t eat pizza? Fine, they can eat before or after. No worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I served strawberry and vanilla cupcakes and my 7 year old’s birthday party a month ago, and a little girl wrinkled her nose and announced loudly “I DON’T LIKE VANILLA CUPCAKES”. I smiled warmly, told her “aw too bad, at least the birthday girl loves them!”, and thanked God my children aren’t rude. I’ve also stopped serving gluten free or dairy free versions of dishes at birthday parties. People with allergies are welcome to eat fruit or veggies! Or bring their own food. It was getting too excessive to provide for every contingency, and I’ve noticed that the tide has turned on the social pressure to attend to every dietary restriction for children’s parties. I’m grateful for that!

I hope this is a troll— otherwise this is really bizarre thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.

That isn’t what she said. She said for them to put on the plate what they want, without feeling the tell her what they don’t like. If you don’t like the mac and cheese and nuggets, then you take a plate and put on it some fruit and pretzels and cake and be quiet.

It’s possible OP prodded them by asking why they don’t have any mac and cheese or would they like them some…and that is when they said they don’t like it. In which case, well…she asked.

OP here. I did not “prod,” I did not push food. I simply said the vegetarians should go first to make sure they had enough mac and cheese. And then a total of FOUR kids told me they didn’t like this or that, without me questioning. I didn’t push, no one had to take anything, but 13 is old enough not to just walk up to your host and be like, “I don’t like this and that.”

I think you’re being overly sensitive. So they told you they don’t like Mac and cheese. This isn’t criticism of you. It’s just like if you offered me a glass of wine and I say I don’t drink. It’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Bizarre title- communication is key regarding food allergies but parents don't need to communicate kids food preferences for a 13 yr old ( and apparently you really don't want to hear them from a 13 yr old either)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I served strawberry and vanilla cupcakes and my 7 year old’s birthday party a month ago, and a little girl wrinkled her nose and announced loudly “I DON’T LIKE VANILLA CUPCAKES”. I smiled warmly, told her “aw too bad, at least the birthday girl loves them!”, and thanked God my children aren’t rude. I’ve also stopped serving gluten free or dairy free versions of dishes at birthday parties. People with allergies are welcome to eat fruit or veggies! Or bring their own food. It was getting too excessive to provide for every contingency, and I’ve noticed that the tide has turned on the social pressure to attend to every dietary restriction for children’s parties. I’m grateful for that!

The tide was never “attend to”; the tide was, is and has always been and always will be to be open to communication, be open to people bringing their own, and be open to *BASIC* alternatives, such as yes, having fruit in addition to cake, or having nuggets AND mac and cheese, as OP did.

Stop acting like allergy parents expect you to have four different kinds of cupcakes for what you would call their “snowflakes.” That’s not a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.

That isn’t what she said. She said for them to put on the plate what they want, without feeling the tell her what they don’t like. If you don’t like the mac and cheese and nuggets, then you take a plate and put on it some fruit and pretzels and cake and be quiet.

It’s possible OP prodded them by asking why they don’t have any mac and cheese or would they like them some…and that is when they said they don’t like it. In which case, well…she asked.

OP here. I did not “prod,” I did not push food. I simply said the vegetarians should go first to make sure they had enough mac and cheese. And then a total of FOUR kids told me they didn’t like this or that, without me questioning. I didn’t push, no one had to take anything, but 13 is old enough not to just walk up to your host and be like, “I don’t like this and that.”

I think you’re being overly sensitive. So they told you they don’t like Mac and cheese. This isn’t criticism of you. It’s just like if you offered me a glass of wine and I say I don’t drink. It’s fine.

How about a “No thank you; but I’d love some water if that’s OK”…no one cares that you don’t drink. This is the point, no yapping required, yes please or no thank you.

[Anonymous]

DS doesn't like Mac and cheese. It never would have occured to me to mention this. He would have simply not taken any or declined it if offered. He wouldn't have said he didn't like it though. Same thing he does with the birthday cake.

That said, my sister can be VERY pushy about food. She means well but she definitely attributes everyone being well fed and the food being gone to her being a good host and the party being successful. DS sometimes has told her he doesn't like something when she's kept insisting he take it or that he eat it. So maybe you were being a little pushy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.

That isn’t what she said. She said for them to put on the plate what they want, without feeling the tell her what they don’t like. If you don’t like the mac and cheese and nuggets, then you take a plate and put on it some fruit and pretzels and cake and be quiet.

It’s possible OP prodded them by asking why they don’t have any mac and cheese or would they like them some…and that is when they said they don’t like it. In which case, well…she asked.

OP here. I did not “prod,” I did not push food. I simply said the vegetarians should go first to make sure they had enough mac and cheese. And then a total of FOUR kids told me they didn’t like this or that, without me questioning. I didn’t push, no one had to take anything, but 13 is old enough not to just walk up to your host and be like, “I don’t like this and that.”

I think you’re being overly sensitive. So they told you they don’t like Mac and cheese. This isn’t criticism of you. It’s just like if you offered me a glass of wine and I say I don’t drink. It’s fine.

How about a “No thank you; but I’d love some water if that’s OK”…no one cares that you don’t drink. This is the point, no yapping required, yes please or no thank you.

I’d love some water if that’s OK? If that’s OK?!! Why do you think your guests must bow down to you, queen OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.

That isn’t what she said. She said for them to put on the plate what they want, without feeling the tell her what they don’t like. If you don’t like the mac and cheese and nuggets, then you take a plate and put on it some fruit and pretzels and cake and be quiet.

It’s possible OP prodded them by asking why they don’t have any mac and cheese or would they like them some…and that is when they said they don’t like it. In which case, well…she asked.

OP here. I did not “prod,” I did not push food. I simply said the vegetarians should go first to make sure they had enough mac and cheese. And then a total of FOUR kids told me they didn’t like this or that, without me questioning. I didn’t push, no one had to take anything, but 13 is old enough not to just walk up to your host and be like, “I don’t like this and that.”

I think you’re being overly sensitive. So they told you they don’t like Mac and cheese. This isn’t criticism of you. It’s just like if you offered me a glass of wine and I say I don’t drink. It’s fine.

How about a “No thank you; but I’d love some water if that’s OK”…no one cares that you don’t drink. This is the point, no yapping required, yes please or no thank you.

I’d love some water if that’s OK? If that’s OK?!! Why do you think your guests must bow down to you, queen OP?

“Oh wowwwwww, you don’t drinnnnnkkk? That’s so cooooool, that’s so fascinating! Wow you’re better than everyone ellllllseeee!”

There’s the attention you were aiming for

[Anonymous]

People on this thread are so weird.
I hope I'm not friends with any of you IRL.

If you don't like what I serve, your loss.
If you get so bent out of shape becaue I don't drink your wine, wow, I'm just grateful I don't have your triggers.
If you're kid is super rude, guess what, everyone now thinks they got it from you, mom and dad.

[Anonymous]

Allergies are not the same as preferences. You asked about allergies, not favorites.

Next time, if it’s important to you that all the food is eaten then send around an email asking if everyone likes the food or if there’s another basic food they’d prefer instead.

Nobody is going to tell you what their kids’ preferences are when you ask about allergies.

My kids have severe allergies and even I wouldn’t mention them - we would just plan to not eat there and I’d feed them before/after.

It sounds like you were being very pushy if the kids were being vocal about not liking the food. Normal kids wouldn’t say that unless someone was trying to force them to eat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.

That isn’t what she said. She said for them to put on the plate what they want, without feeling the tell her what they don’t like. If you don’t like the mac and cheese and nuggets, then you take a plate and put on it some fruit and pretzels and cake and be quiet.

It’s possible OP prodded them by asking why they don’t have any mac and cheese or would they like them some…and that is when they said they don’t like it. In which case, well…she asked.

OP here. I did not “prod,” I did not push food. I simply said the vegetarians should go first to make sure they had enough mac and cheese. And then a total of FOUR kids told me they didn’t like this or that, without me questioning. I didn’t push, no one had to take anything, but 13 is old enough not to just walk up to your host and be like, “I don’t like this and that.”

I think you’re being overly sensitive. So they told you they don’t like Mac and cheese. This isn’t criticism of you. It’s just like if you offered me a glass of wine and I say I don’t drink. It’s fine.

Yes, by saying that the vegetarians should go first to get their Mac and cheese you were obviously expecting them to eat it. And maybe watching them too. I think it’s normal at that point for a kid to tell you that they’d actually prefer not to eat it.