Communication is key: Kid food allergies, restrictions, preferences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.

I'm not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.

I'm not OP.

But your advice doesn’t work.

[Anonymous]

Omg, no. I don't need every kid expecting dinner catered to their specific likes and I'd side eye any parent that complained about that menu.

It's a birthday party. The kid survived not eating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not liking doesn’t mean allergies so OH WELL kiddo this is what we have.

At pick up I would say, “Larlo may be hungry since he let me know he doesn’t like XYZ”

And then let it go.

That's fine to say for a 7 year old, not for a 13 year old.

You don't even see the parents at a 13 year olds pick up.

[Anonymous]

I think you can't really win either way.

OP is unhappy because she went out of her way to accommodate and would have been happy to serve additional foods. Others would be annoyed if parents told them their kids wouldn't like the food and would have felt pressured to serve other things.

Some parents would be annoyed if you took food and didn't eat it, and others would harass you if you didn't take anything.

I think the kids here did well to just be honest. I don't think it's rude to say "I don't like..." a certain food. It's just a fact, it's actually better because you're not dissing the host's cooking or anything, you just don't like that dish and nothing they could do to prepare it would make you want to eat it.

[Anonymous]

Kids cannot win. Either they take food they don't eat and adults complain or they don't eat, and adults complain.

As a vegetarian, I will often eat before or after. My kids don't eat pretzels, will eat fruit, but it depends on what kind, and mac and cheese is hit or miss.

I wouldn't say anything to the host and if my kid was hungry on pick up I'd feed them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you can't really win either way.

OP is unhappy because she went out of her way to accommodate and would have been happy to serve additional foods. Others would be annoyed if parents told them their kids wouldn't like the food and would have felt pressured to serve other things.

Some parents would be annoyed if you took food and didn't eat it, and others would harass you if you didn't take anything.

I think the kids here did well to just be honest. I don't think it's rude to say "I don't like..." a certain food. It's just a fact, it's actually better because you're not dissing the host's cooking or anything, you just don't like that dish and nothing they could do to prepare it would make you want to eat it.

She provided for different preferences but even within that not all nuggets and mac and cheese are made the same and its very much a personal preference. There are only a few mac and cheese I'd eat.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you don’t know what “vegan” is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.

That isn’t what she said. She said for them to put on the plate what they want, without feeling the tell her what they don’t like. If you don’t like the mac and cheese and nuggets, then you take a plate and put on it some fruit and pretzels and cake and be quiet.

It’s possible OP prodded them by asking why they don’t have any mac and cheese or would they like them some…and that is when they said they don’t like it. In which case, well…she asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids cannot win. Either they take food they don't eat and adults complain or they don't eat, and adults complain.

As a vegetarian, I will often eat before or after. My kids don't eat pretzels, will eat fruit, but it depends on what kind, and mac and cheese is hit or miss.

I wouldn't say anything to the host and if my kid was hungry on pick up I'd feed them.

+1. I get that it’s irritating when you go out of your way to be accommodating and get the response you did, but everyone has different expectations of what would be polite here. Some think it’s very rude and wasteful to take a plate that you fully know you won’t eat. Others would rather than kid force down or throw away food to be polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should someone expect you’ll ch she the menu just for them? I would have felt weird telling the host my kid doesn't like their menu and I would have fed them accordingly.

OP here. Right, which is totally understandable. But if you do that, they should then NOT be telling the host and the birthday kid that they don’t like the food being served. You grab a plate, put a few pretzels and vegetables on it, and be unobtrusive. No need to loudly yap to your host about how much you don’t like any of the food. At the age of 13, not 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I invited about 10 kids over last weekend for my son’s birthday party; all are age 13.

When I extended the invites, I let the parents know that this was a dinner-time event, and the menu was Chick-fil-a nuggets, mac and cheese, fruit and vegetables, as well as pretzels, drinks and birthday cake. I gave out the full menu because we have a few friends with allergies. I asked in the invites to please let me know about food restrictions or allergies.

Well, I asked the two vegetarians to go through the line first to make sure they had enough of the mac and cheese and of the vegetables, fruit and pretzels. That is when both of them proceeded to tell me, “I don’t like mac and cheese.” Later, the rest of the kids went through the line and two of them told me “I don’t eat mac and cheese or nuggets.”

Like, would have been helpful to know when I issued the invitations. Here’s what, I get that maybe you fed your kid ahead of time, knowing they didn’t like what was on offer. But guess what, they should have just simply MADE A PLATE of pretzels and a bit of fruit and had a slice of cake. I know it’s not their last meal, but I didn’t need 13 year olds telling me about their food preferences. At that age, your kids are old enough to take what they like, leave the rest, and keep their mouth closed if they have nothing nice to say.

I would have happily provided more food/different food, but no one communicated with me up front. It’s a crappy feeling for me and my kid to hear about how your kids don’t like the food we have, and “can’t eat anything.”

If you asked me about allergies/restrictions, I’d tell you and be appreciative you asked, but I’d never presume to tell you what your menu should be. So I’d say, “yes Larla is vegetarian.” I wouldn’t then go through the menu and say, “…and she doesn’t like this and that and that…” I’d assume that I (or my kid) would politely decline if it’s something they don’t like. Or maybe put a tiny bit on the plate to be polite. I’d also not want my kid to just bluntly say, “I don’t like that.”

But if you asked why they didn’t take something, and they were honest, I don’t know what else to tell you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you don’t know what “vegan” is?

OP here. Huh? No one at this party was a vegan. There were two vegetarians.

I have two vegan cousins. I know what veganism is and how to accommodate it.

Are you OK? Can you not read, or do you just enjoy making up fake scenarios? There were no vegans at this party.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.

That isn’t what she said. She said for them to put on the plate what they want, without feeling the tell her what they don’t like. If you don’t like the mac and cheese and nuggets, then you take a plate and put on it some fruit and pretzels and cake and be quiet.

It’s possible OP prodded them by asking why they don’t have any mac and cheese or would they like them some…and that is when they said they don’t like it. In which case, well…she asked.

OP here. I did not “prod,” I did not push food. I simply said the vegetarians should go first to make sure they had enough mac and cheese. And then a total of FOUR kids told me they didn’t like this or that, without me questioning. I didn’t push, no one had to take anything, but 13 is old enough not to just walk up to your host and be like, “I don’t like this and that.”

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, that’s tough. My kids are very picky (one has ARFID, which is a feeding disorder) and I typically feed them before parties. But they know the only acceptable response to food they don’t like is “no thank you”. I feel like I have to be very strict about this in part because they are so picky, they would be saying something negative about every food otherwise!

I love that you shared the menu ahead of time I usually assume the meal will be pizza, which neither will eat. However, they both love chick fil a nuggets and would have been beyond delighted to see those served at a party. I would try to shake it off, you threw a nice party and lots of tweens/teens are still working on their manners, it might not come up as often for some other kids as it does for mine.