Communication is key: Kid food allergies, restrictions, preferences

[Anonymous]

I invited about 10 kids over last weekend for my son’s birthday party; all are age 13.

When I extended the invites, I let the parents know that this was a dinner-time event, and the menu was Chick-fil-a nuggets, mac and cheese, fruit and vegetables, as well as pretzels, drinks and birthday cake. I gave out the full menu because we have a few friends with allergies. I asked in the invites to please let me know about food restrictions or allergies.

Well, I asked the two vegetarians to go through the line first to make sure they had enough of the mac and cheese and of the vegetables, fruit and pretzels. That is when both of them proceeded to tell me, “I don’t like mac and cheese.” Later, the rest of the kids went through the line and two of them told me “I don’t eat mac and cheese or nuggets.”

Like, would have been helpful to know when I issued the invitations. Here’s what, I get that maybe you fed your kid ahead of time, knowing they didn’t like what was on offer. But guess what, they should have just simply MADE A PLATE of pretzels and a bit of fruit and had a slice of cake. I know it’s not their last meal, but I didn’t need 13 year olds telling me about their food preferences. At that age, your kids are old enough to take what they like, leave the rest, and keep their mouth closed if they have nothing nice to say.

I would have happily provided more food/different food, but no one communicated with me up front. It’s a crappy feeling for me and my kid to hear about how your kids don’t like the food we have, and “can’t eat anything.”

[Anonymous]

Not liking doesn’t mean allergies so OH WELL kiddo this is what we have.

At pick up I would say, “Larlo may be hungry since he let me know he doesn’t like XYZ”

And then let it go.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar experience as the host of a birthday party once and found a very irritating so I sympathize.

[Anonymous]

Here’s the thing. Many people barely read invitations. Or the kids eat the food at home, but don’t like it. At home there might not be another option. Sometimes 13 year olds suddenly decide they don’t like something.

You sent the menu. You did everything you were supposed to, it’s fine.

It’s annoying and it happens at that age.

[Anonymous]

Should someone expect you’ll ch she the menu just for them? I would have felt weird telling the host my kid doesn't like their menu and I would have fed them accordingly.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about it, though 13 is pretty old for being so rude as to tell your host you don't like the food they served.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about it, though 13 is pretty old for being so rude as to tell your host you don't like the food they served.

This. 13 is also very old to not eat either of those things at a minimal level at least.

[Anonymous]

I think it was very nice and accommodating of you to give the menu upfront.

As a vegetarian, I believe it was also very thoughtful and considerate to let the vegetarians go first. Seriously, hardly anyone would think to do this, and it makes so much sense.

You asked about food restrictions or allergies. They don't have them. There was a vegetarian option. Those who didn't take food did so because they didn't like it. That's not a restriction so it would have been inappropriate for them to tell you "my kid doesn't like mac and cheese." It would be very impolite for them to each demand you make hot dogs or spaghetti marinara or whatever.

They don't have to make a plate if they don't want anything or aren't hungry.

I actually think everyone here was polite and acted correctly. It's unfortunate that it made you uncomfortable, but basically... you offered the right things and did all you could as a host, but no one is obligated to eat.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the pp. You did everything right, don’t stress about it.

I feel like I have taught my own kids a lot of good manners, but now I wonder if I’ve explained to them if they don’t like something to not explicitly say anything to the host. Maybe the kids were saying that to you so you knew why they didn’t take any?

Hosting is stressful, don’t take this all too personally. I’m sure they had a good time and nobody starved

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t worry about it. My formerly picky kid is now in college and eats everything.

[Anonymous]

This is a you problem, op. Kids are sometimes clueless and/or rude. You provided the info and genininely your responsibility is over!

If you are going to invite tweens and teens over chances are some will behave in uncouth ways.

you know what? those kids can suck it up! do you really think it would have been normal or appropriate for the parents to have alerted you ahead of time that vegetarian Vivian doesn’t care for Mac and cheese?

Kids are sometimes annoying and throwing them parties is often annoying and just like vegetarian Vivian you need to suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible you were pushing the Mac & cheese without realizing it and that's why they told you? I'm a picky eater (undiagnosed autistic as a kid - my parents did all the same food things with me and my brother and he's not picky at all) - and can't tell you how many times I'd take a plain bagel and happily start eating it only to have some well-meaning adult all but shrieking at me to put some cream cheese on it, I can't possibly like it dry, try some lox, etc. I would have kept quiet but they kept going and it embarrassed me so I would say "I don't actually like cream cheese and lox - I like my bagels this way." It happens all the time.

So maybe you didn't notice you were pushing certain foods on vegetarians because you thought you were just being a good hostess.

[Anonymous]

I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.