Communication is key: Kid food allergies, restrictions, preferences

[Anonymous]

I’m not going to contact you about the food you plan to serve due to my child’s personal preferences. I’ll feed them ahead and tell them to not make any comments about the food unless it’s a compliment. If my kid still told you, unprompted, they don’t like Mac and cheese and nuggets, feel free to tell them that was rude- if you so moved. Even kids with parents that have taught them, sometimes forget their manners.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid. You’re not running a restaurant. You provided a decent variety of food. If the kids were that picky then they could go home and eat.

[Anonymous]

Dude, they are 13. You put out a thoughtful variety of food. Now leave the room and let them eat what they want.

At that age, I am not sure I would even text with the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about it, though 13 is pretty old for being so rude as to tell your host you don't like the food they served.

+1

You went above and beyond what most people would do which is to provide the menu ahead of time. They are 13 years old, they can miss a meal if they don’t like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.

That isn’t what she said. She said for them to put on the plate what they want, without feeling the tell her what they don’t like. If you don’t like the mac and cheese and nuggets, then you take a plate and put on it some fruit and pretzels and cake and be quiet.

It’s possible OP prodded them by asking why they don’t have any mac and cheese or would they like them some…and that is when they said they don’t like it. In which case, well…she asked.

OP here. I did not “prod,” I did not push food. I simply said the vegetarians should go first to make sure they had enough mac and cheese. And then a total of FOUR kids told me they didn’t like this or that, without me questioning. I didn’t push, no one had to take anything, but 13 is old enough not to just walk up to your host and be like, “I don’t like this and that.”

I think you’re being overly sensitive. So they told you they don’t like Mac and cheese. This isn’t criticism of you. It’s just like if you offered me a glass of wine and I say I don’t drink. It’s fine.

Yes, by saying that the vegetarians should go first to get their Mac and cheese you were obviously expecting them to eat it. And maybe watching them too. I think it’s normal at that point for a kid to tell you that they’d actually prefer not to eat it.

This!! You essentially said go eat the Mac and cheese and they didn't want to but felt like they had to explain why. And yes they may not even like cake or fruit or pretzels ( my nephew wouldn't eat the cake and unsure about the rest of the meal as they avoid chik fil a)

[Anonymous]

It's ok to serve whatever your want, but don't expect everyone to eat it all up, OP. It's ok if some kids don't want to eat anything.

[Anonymous]

I would not provide the menu ahead of time. I would ask about food allergies.

I would not be standing by near enough to hear anyone's opinions about the food. I would not care what any of them ate.

I do think it is super rude for a kid to announce this to you. In my opinion, people do not cover decent manners specifically enough with their kids surrounding food. I have told my now teens clearly since they were little...the only correct response to being offered food at someone's home is yes please or no thank you. Do not announce you don' t like what is offered. Not relevant information. Also, don't take seconds until everyone has gotten some food. Be mindful you don't take too much on the first pass. If you are taking the last of something, ask if anyone else would like to split it with you or have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s irritating and I empathize.

Although I do have one kid with restricted eating who wouldn’t eat either of those things. I don’t think I would have told you in advance because it would have been an awkward “just fyi my kid probably won’t eat any of that because she has unusual food restrictions but please don’t make her anything different I will just feed her before she goes….” But I think she would not have said anything (since she’s embarrassed about her issues) and would have taken a small scoop of Mac and cheese, pretzels, fruit and sort of mushed the Mac and cheese around her plate. And then had cake.

It sounds like you threw a nice party and I’m sure the boys had fun and didn’t put as much thought into this as you did.

Please teach your daughter not to waste food. If she knows she won't eat it, don't take it just to make it inedible and then throw it out. Tell her to take what she will actually eat and to just say "I'm picky, but I'm happy with my pretzels!" or whatever.

But OP would have preferred they put food on their plate even if they didn’t want it.

That isn’t what she said. She said for them to put on the plate what they want, without feeling the tell her what they don’t like. If you don’t like the mac and cheese and nuggets, then you take a plate and put on it some fruit and pretzels and cake and be quiet.

It’s possible OP prodded them by asking why they don’t have any mac and cheese or would they like them some…and that is when they said they don’t like it. In which case, well…she asked.

OP here. I did not “prod,” I did not push food. I simply said the vegetarians should go first to make sure they had enough mac and cheese. And then a total of FOUR kids told me they didn’t like this or that, without me questioning. I didn’t push, no one had to take anything, but 13 is old enough not to just walk up to your host and be like, “I don’t like this and that.”

I think you’re being overly sensitive. So they told you they don’t like Mac and cheese. This isn’t criticism of you. It’s just like if you offered me a glass of wine and I say I don’t drink. It’s fine.

Yes, by saying that the vegetarians should go first to get their Mac and cheese you were obviously expecting them to eat it. And maybe watching them too. I think it’s normal at that point for a kid to tell you that they’d actually prefer not to eat it.

This!! You essentially said go eat the Mac and cheese and they didn't want to but felt like they had to explain why. And yes they may not even like cake or fruit or pretzels ( my nephew wouldn't eat the cake and unsure about the rest of the meal as they avoid chik fil a)

+1
And why are you micromanaging the order in which kids get their food? At 13 I would leave it out and depart or step away. Or I’d let my child set it out.

[Anonymous]

This is not on you. You communicated, you gave info. And parents responded with allergies. I actually think it’s fine parents didn’t pick out specific items for their kid or tell you what the kids doesn’t make. Those are just food preferences, which I would never expect you do accommodate. But the KID was rude. He should have just said no thank you, and that is indeed on the parents.

But on the other hand, do your best to let it go. Kids are dumb and rude sometimes. Lots of adults are too.

[Anonymous]

The basic problem is that far too many parents do not bother to teach good manners to their children. Any 13 year old should have been taught that when you be are a guest in someone else's house, whatever the occasion, you don't complain and you eat what is served.

America the land of spoiled entitled brats