What makes a man commit to being faithful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too many whores out there. So many women will bang first meet, look for it online, don’t care if the for is married or already in a relationship. When free sex is everywhere- it’s a tough road.

You must be one of them yourself, if you are tearing down women so easily. I do not know of a single woman like that.

I felt this way till I learned how many women out there do behave this way. Just because you dont have friends that do doesnt mean there aren't a huge percent. The good guys feel the same way. How do I avoid the gold diggers etc. They are friends with upstanding guys or at least think they are. The other truth is we don't know that side of our friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to add value to his life, make his life easier and become indispensable or at least project the possibility of doing so. This assumes, of course, that you are dealing with a man of good character that wants to be in a monogamous relationship.

Absolute patriarchal horseshit.

Adding value to your partner’s life is patriarchy? Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to add value to his life, make his life easier and become indispensable or at least project the possibility of doing so. This assumes, of course, that you are dealing with a man of good character that wants to be in a monogamous relationship.

Absolute patriarchal horseshit.

Adding value to your partner’s life is patriarchy? Lol

To be a good loving partner not patriarchal.

To keep him being monogamous… yes that’s patriarchal.

[Anonymous]

The only thing you should try to change is to be attracted to / go after good men (the nice guy) instead of terrible ones. The rest of it — doesn’t matter what you do or how you try to change yourself, it’s not about you. It’s their mindset.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have been dating for close to half your life. What’s *your* answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've missed them, OP. I'm 40 and all the men I know committed at least a decade or more ago. There's only been 1 who I saw finally got married, and his bride looked halfway through a pregnancy in the photos he posted to social media.

I’m 40 and solved this by dating men 10 years younger than me. Plenty of great ones.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been married for nearly 20 years to one of the most handsome men I have ever met. He could go out today and cheat on me with whoever he wants. But he doesn’t, and it has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with him, how he was raised, his strong moral compass, and the fact that he places such a high value on family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married for nearly 20 years to one of the most handsome men I have ever met. He could go out today and cheat on me with whoever he wants. But he doesn’t, and it has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with him, how he was raised, his strong moral compass, and the fact that he places such a high value on family.

ETA: but I also snatched him up when he was 30. These men go pretty quickly for obvious reasons. So, date younger men OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to add value to his life, make his life easier and become indispensable or at least project the possibility of doing so. This assumes, of course, that you are dealing with a man of good character that wants to be in a monogamous relationship.

Absolute patriarchal horseshit.

Adding value to your partner’s life is patriarchy? Lol

To be a good loving partner not patriarchal.

To keep him being monogamous… yes that’s patriarchal.

Eh…reaching and splitting hairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to add value to his life, make his life easier and become indispensable or at least project the possibility of doing so. This assumes, of course, that you are dealing with a man of good character that wants to be in a monogamous relationship.

Absolute patriarchal horseshit.

Adding value to your partner’s life is patriarchy? Lol

To be a good loving partner not patriarchal.

To keep him being monogamous… yes that’s patriarchal.

It’s not patriarchal it’s highly transactional. The man needs to have a deep personal need to have partner and to give/love.
Most of them are incapable of it if still single into 35-45

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to add value to his life, make his life easier and become indispensable or at least project the possibility of doing so. This assumes, of course, that you are dealing with a man of good character that wants to be in a monogamous relationship.

Absolute patriarchal horseshit.

Adding value to your partner’s life is patriarchy? Lol

To be a good loving partner not patriarchal.

To keep him being monogamous… yes that’s patriarchal.

It’s not patriarchal it’s highly transactional. The man needs to have a deep personal need to have partner and to give/love.
Most of them are incapable of it if still single into 35-45

And women just love men freely and unconditionally, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single (35/F). I’ve noticed many of the men I meet aren’t interested in being in a faithful/committed relationship.

Of course, I’m looking for marriage with the right person and before we can be monogamous of course it starts with baseline of being in a relationship.

what am I missing? Do some men just not want to commit? Or what does it take for single men to settle down? I hate to think all men cheat.

Man here: There are really two scenarios that make men want to commit: 1. He has no particular interest in commitment and has been dating around and then he meets the person who changes his mind. This happens almost immediately in my experience. (Note: he may not reveal this, I’d certainly counsel him not to in the current dating market, you can scare people off that way) 2. He reaches the moment where he says to himself “uh oh, I need to settle down” and he then marries the person he is currently dating or the next person he dates. You’d rather be in the first than the second situation, of course. If I were giving advice, I’d say it’s perfectly reasonable for a woman to say “no sex unless we are exclusive”; if he’s into you, that won’t be a problem. If not, probably better not to waste your time, he for the streets.

[Anonymous]

Are you meeting a lot of recently divorced men? They’re probably very cautious about recommitting too soon. Are you coming on too strong and too forceful asking for one? That is a red flag to many guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single (35/F). I’ve noticed many of the men I meet aren’t interested in being in a faithful/committed relationship.

Of course, I’m looking for marriage with the right person and before we can be monogamous of course it starts with baseline of being in a relationship.

what am I missing? Do some men just not want to commit? Or what does it take for single men to settle down? I hate to think all men cheat.

Man here: There are really two scenarios that make men want to commit: 1. He has no particular interest in commitment and has been dating around and then he meets the person who changes his mind. This happens almost immediately in my experience. (Note: he may not reveal this, I’d certainly counsel him not to in the current dating market, you can scare people off that way) 2. He reaches the moment where he says to himself “uh oh, I need to settle down” and he then marries the person he is currently dating or the next person he dates. You’d rather be in the first than the second situation, of course. If I were giving advice, I’d say it’s perfectly reasonable for a woman to say “no sex unless we are exclusive”; if he’s into you, that won’t be a problem. If not, probably better not to waste your time, he for the streets.

Nah. It's highly risky to tell men no sex until we are exclusive. In my experience as a woman they will pause sleeping around, won't use condoms with the woman they are "exclusive" and will start sleeping around without telling her in 2-3 months. Dating market provides very easy access to sex to both genders.
Men only truly commit if they feel real connection; many points of connecting with the woman outside sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married for nearly 20 years to one of the most handsome men I have ever met. He could go out today and cheat on me with whoever he wants. But he doesn’t, and it has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with him, how he was raised, his strong moral compass, and the fact that he places such a high value on family.

ETA: but I also snatched him up when he was 30. These men go pretty quickly for obvious reasons. So, date younger men OP.

Thought the same of the one I met at 26 and been married to for 30 years——completely blindsided!!!