What consequences for a disrespectful kid?
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Anonymous
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You sound unreasonable OP. 15 minutes after an arbitrary time you set? Screaming on both your parts?
It sounds like you are teaching her bad behavior. |
Anonymous
| These kids work hard at school. We adults have made school a complete stress fest. Let her sleep in, for Pete's sake! Let her catch up on sleep, and just relax. All day if she wants. She has earned it. Let her be. Let her rest. Stop provoking her, and trying to punish her for resting. For existing. You're being awful to her. |
Anonymous
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Good parenting starts with modeling appropriate behavior. I’m not surprised she’s screaming at you if you scream at her for things like sleeping in. Also, have you ever been woken up from sleep at a weird time of your sleep cycle—it’s very disorienting. Don’t demand perfection from your kid when you’re far from perfect.
Our house rules is no phones on electronics in their rooms. Period. Sleep is important so this is a way to maximize that. But don’t punish her for not waking up at an arbitrary time you decided was the time she should wake up with nowhere to go. |
Anonymous
| These are the kinds of Moms would have kids grow up, leave home, and never come back. They go no contact with parents like this who made their childhood hell. |
Anonymous
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OP what are you mad about? The reaction sounds disproportionate to the act. Would suggest you look into why you went after her so hard. What is causing you stress about her sleeping in? Is it unrelated to her actions? Is she behind in school? You want natural consequences - she missed practice because she overslept, she doesn't get school work done so she has to stay up late to get it done and then she is tired all week. If she has family obligations- she doesn't get allowance until the chores are done. Teens are going through a period of separation - developmentally normal, so they will push you away and avoid you as they go through this normal process. You are certainly making the process easier for her, but making it harder for you to maintain a relationship she wants to come up to once she leaves the next.
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Anonymous
| Let her sleep but no phone in the bedroom and restrict it. Keep it in your room at night. Why do you let kids have phones unlimited. |
Anonymous
OP here. Thank you for saying this. I will have to rethink the way I am handling it. She had a whole bunch of chores to do yesterday after she took Saturday to just chill and do nothing. She did none of the chores she was asked to do and was on her computer all day yesterday. Her room was a mess, her stuff all laying around the house (things she was asked to put away), her laundry basket was overflowing, last week's laundry dumped in another room and not folded because she was busy with homework the whole of last week. She did not unload the dishwasher which was her job, her jackets and shoes were dumped in the coat closet and not put back. She never puts the plate in the sink after a meal, has drink cups and books laying around everywhere and nothing I say gets to her. I constantly have to clean up after her and I was done with this behavior. Basically, she did not do any of her chores and decided to be on the computer or phone past 2 days and her not waking up was the straw on the camel's back today. |
Anonymous
| Who cares when they wake up if they don’t have anywhere to be? |
Anonymous
But removing the lamp and door and screaming at her solves none of this. The logical consequence is that she can’t go anywhere or do anything she wants to do until chores are done and room is clean. Maybe she loses her computer if she’s using it for fun and avoiding chores, but you say she didn’t get her chores done because she was working on homework. Are you really punishing her for spending all her energy on homework? Is she in too hard of classes? Is she anxious or depressed? Does she have adhd or a learning disability? |
Anonymous
| Where’s her father? |
Anonymous
Kinda hard to put the cat back in the bag at this point. Best to pick your battles, as she sounds like she was never taught to adult. |
Anonymous
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yelling solves nothing. I was once like this and had to take a hard look at myself and spent time making changes. I found a person to talk to to try to understand why I was so emotional when I felt like the teens weren't doing as they were expected and that I was losing control over the house. These are control issues and I'll tell you after a couple years looking back, I am still repairing relationships with my older teens and working hard to remain calm when things go wrong (minor car accident, coming home late, email from teachers about missing assignments). Honestly, remaining calm allows for a conversation and for appropriate consequences and hopefully learning to take place.
Are we perfect no, but our kids look up to us and your behavior toward your daughter explains why she yells and disrespects. You probably need to apologize for the overreaction. Good luck OP |
Anonymous
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I make my kids get up on weekends and holidays. Because otherwise they get off a normal sleep schedule and it just snowballs.
They aren’t thrilled to see me when I wake them, but there is no yelling. I am kind but firm - not contemptuous and angry like OP. |
Anonymous
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You ask what you could better. Let her sleep. Why does she have a time to wake up on holidays at all? That’s horrible. Why did you threaten to take away her door when you woke her up for no good reason.
Stop waking her up unless she needs to be someplace. |
Anonymous
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I dont think making someone wake up at 11am is controlling or arbitrary. I do think yelling about it or removing a door is an over step. If the awake by 11am thing was previously in place in their household, OP was in the right to wake her.
I would have a time when she needs to turn in her phone, away from her bed room. Not as a punishment, as a general healthy rule. I would have a separate talk and consequences for not completing chores. |