Boyfriend dog sitting for ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Yeah. End that relationship. Seems sloppy.

OP here again. To answer earlier questions we’ve been together a year. I’m not a troll. I’m sorry I didn’t give all details up front. I was ticked off and just trying to post quickly.

This is what happens when you get in a relationship with someone who has cheated in the past. You'll never fully trust him. Not sure what advice to give you. These are the consequences of your own decisions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today I visited my boyfriend and there was a dog at his house. he says his ex needed dog sitting for the next couple of weeks.

This makes me uncomfortable. How would you approach this?

Why? Do you not like dogs? Does the dog watch while you bang? Put the dog out of the room when that happens.

[Anonymous]

OP you really need to know more about the dog. Honestly. If this was "their" dog, it's similar to a custody situation. He misses the dog.

You clearly aren't a dog person. And you haven't bothered to get to know him well enough. You don't know what this dog means to him.

If it's not "their" dog that they shared when they lived together than yes it's a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

You’re all being ridiculous. He’s dog sitting. Which, by definition, means that the ex isn’t there. So what’s the problem?

[Anonymous]

The problem:

The guy is enmeshed enough with ex to be her dog sitter.

OP learned this by meeting dog, not receiving an honest convo/update by boyfriend.

Boyfriend has cheated with this ex in the past.

If he hasn’t reframed any of this to OP he is clearly fine with above.

I don’t know if folks ok with this are inexperienced at relationships or just obtuse, but these are all red flags of a guy with blurred lines and poor boundaries.

I once went on a first date with a guy in my early 30’s who “shared custody” of a dog with an ex-girlfriend. I noped the hell out of there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem:

The guy is enmeshed enough with ex to be her dog sitter.

OP learned this by meeting dog, not receiving an honest convo/update by boyfriend.

Boyfriend has cheated with this ex in the past.

If he hasn’t reframed any of this to OP he is clearly fine with above.

I don’t know if folks ok with this are inexperienced at relationships or just obtuse, but these are all red flags of a guy with blurred lines and poor boundaries.

I once went on a first date with a guy in my early 30’s who “shared custody” of a dog with an ex-girlfriend. I noped the hell out of there.

Okay, "enmeshed enough to be her dog sitter" is wild. Y'all leave your dogs with a stranger from Rover. It's not that deep.

The issue here is the lack of communication upfront/beforehand. "Hey, babe. Larla is going on vacation for a few weeks and she wondered if I could watch Brutus, since he's a tank, pulls on walks, and can be a bit of an ass sometimes but we get along. You good with that?" makes this a non-issue. That he didn't bother to communicate like an adult about it upfront is a red flag, as is his "oh yeah, it's Larla's dog" blasé response when caught and called out. Then you add on the bonus of "previously cheated on his rebound relationship with this particular ex" and it becomes a problem.

But none of that is about the dog. My ex took care of my dogs when I took our kid college shopping a few weekends ago. It meant nothing more than "he knows where the food is and where the poop goes and I don't have to pay him". Why would you have an issue with someone having time with a previously-shared pet without the ex around? That's controlling af.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Yeah. End that relationship. Seems sloppy.

OP here again. To answer earlier questions we’ve been together a year. I’m not a troll. I’m sorry I didn’t give all details up front. I was ticked off and just trying to post quickly.

You sound toxic and honestly he should break up with you for that. Your insecurity and paranoid nature are puerile and off-putting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem:

The guy is enmeshed enough with ex to be her dog sitter.

OP learned this by meeting dog, not receiving an honest convo/update by boyfriend.

Boyfriend has cheated with this ex in the past.

If he hasn’t reframed any of this to OP he is clearly fine with above.

I don’t know if folks ok with this are inexperienced at relationships or just obtuse, but these are all red flags of a guy with blurred lines and poor boundaries.

I once went on a first date with a guy in my early 30’s who “shared custody” of a dog with an ex-girlfriend. I noped the hell out of there.

Okay, "enmeshed enough to be her dog sitter" is wild. Y'all leave your dogs with a stranger from Rover. It's not that deep.

The issue here is the lack of communication upfront/beforehand. "Hey, babe. Larla is going on vacation for a few weeks and she wondered if I could watch Brutus, since he's a tank, pulls on walks, and can be a bit of an ass sometimes but we get along. You good with that?" makes this a non-issue. That he didn't bother to communicate like an adult about it upfront is a red flag, as is his "oh yeah, it's Larla's dog" blasé response when caught and called out. Then you add on the bonus of "previously cheated on his rebound relationship with this particular ex" and it becomes a problem.

But none of that is about the dog. My ex took care of my dogs when I took our kid college shopping a few weekends ago. It meant nothing more than "he knows where the food is and where the poop goes and I don't have to pay him". Why would you have an issue with someone having time with a previously-shared pet without the ex around? That's controlling af.

No, he doesn’t need to seek her permission. He can inform, but he doesn’t need to ask…

[Anonymous]

OP here with update. I woke up to a random breakup text this morning. Coincidence? I think not. Always trust your gut.

He was shady in multiple ways. He never mentioned his cheating incidence until very late in our relationship, then this dog pops up without even speaking to me about it. There were also times where he got calls from her late at night recently.

All of it is poor boundaries and crappy behavior. There’s no excuse for it, and I’m glad he dumped me because after processing it all last night I realized I was done with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with update. I woke up to a random breakup text this morning. Coincidence? I think not. Always trust your gut.

He was shady in multiple ways. He never mentioned his cheating incidence until very late in our relationship, then this dog pops up without even speaking to me about it. There were also times where he got calls from her late at night recently.

All of it is poor boundaries and crappy behavior. There’s no excuse for it, and I’m glad he dumped me because after processing it all last night I realized I was done with him.

Good, he saved you the trouble of breaking up with him. You deserve better. I don’t know you, but I’m assuming you deserve better. Go live your best life without a cheating SOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem:

The guy is enmeshed enough with ex to be her dog sitter.

OP learned this by meeting dog, not receiving an honest convo/update by boyfriend.

Boyfriend has cheated with this ex in the past.

If he hasn’t reframed any of this to OP he is clearly fine with above.

I don’t know if folks ok with this are inexperienced at relationships or just obtuse, but these are all red flags of a guy with blurred lines and poor boundaries.

I once went on a first date with a guy in my early 30’s who “shared custody” of a dog with an ex-girlfriend. I noped the hell out of there.

Okay, "enmeshed enough to be her dog sitter" is wild. Y'all leave your dogs with a stranger from Rover. It's not that deep.

The issue here is the lack of communication upfront/beforehand. "Hey, babe. Larla is going on vacation for a few weeks and she wondered if I could watch Brutus, since he's a tank, pulls on walks, and can be a bit of an ass sometimes but we get along. You good with that?" makes this a non-issue. That he didn't bother to communicate like an adult about it upfront is a red flag, as is his "oh yeah, it's Larla's dog" blasé response when caught and called out. Then you add on the bonus of "previously cheated on his rebound relationship with this particular ex" and it becomes a problem.

But none of that is about the dog. My ex took care of my dogs when I took our kid college shopping a few weekends ago. It meant nothing more than "he knows where the food is and where the poop goes and I don't have to pay him". Why would you have an issue with someone having time with a previously-shared pet without the ex around? That's controlling af.

No, he doesn’t need to seek her permission. He can inform, but he doesn’t need to ask…

Does he "have to"? No. Is it respectful? Yes. Respectful partners request feedback instead of playing this wack "I don't have to/you can't make me" game. Maturity manifests as consideration for more than just yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with update. I woke up to a random breakup text this morning. Coincidence? I think not. Always trust your gut.

He was shady in multiple ways. He never mentioned his cheating incidence until very late in our relationship, then this dog pops up without even speaking to me about it. There were also times where he got calls from her late at night recently.

All of it is poor boundaries and crappy behavior. There’s no excuse for it, and I’m glad he dumped me because after processing it all last night I realized I was done with him.

Bullet dodged. Sorry he was an ain'tshit, OP. You'll find better, or you'll realize being alone is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with update. I woke up to a random breakup text this morning. Coincidence? I think not. Always trust your gut.

He was shady in multiple ways. He never mentioned his cheating incidence until very late in our relationship, then this dog pops up without even speaking to me about it. There were also times where he got calls from her late at night recently.

All of it is poor boundaries and crappy behavior. There’s no excuse for it, and I’m glad he dumped me because after processing it all last night I realized I was done with him.

Time to reevaluate yourself and why you put up with all this for sol g.

[Anonymous]

I miss my ex girlfriend's dog, way more than her, I'd watch that dog and send him back smelling like my new girlfriends expensive shampoo!

[Anonymous]

Welp, you're dating a cheater. So I guess insecurity is par for the course.

Don't blame the dog. Blame the cheater.