Boyfriend dog sitting for ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Quite honest of him at least.

Most women and men say they have never cheated. They are liars most all of the time, plus dumb if they really expect that line to work.

[Anonymous]

5 years. They were practically married.
Honestly, it's like he has been married before. That was his first marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Um, HELLO - this should bother you way more than the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Yeah. End that relationship. Seems sloppy.

OP here again. To answer earlier questions we’ve been together a year. I’m not a troll. I’m sorry I didn’t give all details up front. I was ticked off and just trying to post quickly.

You've been together for a year and you don't know if he had that dog with his ex-girlfriend or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem:

The guy is enmeshed enough with ex to be her dog sitter.

OP learned this by meeting dog, not receiving an honest convo/update by boyfriend.

Boyfriend has cheated with this ex in the past.

If he hasn’t reframed any of this to OP he is clearly fine with above.

I don’t know if folks ok with this are inexperienced at relationships or just obtuse, but these are all red flags of a guy with blurred lines and poor boundaries.

I once went on a first date with a guy in my early 30’s who “shared custody” of a dog with an ex-girlfriend. I noped the hell out of there.

Okay, "enmeshed enough to be her dog sitter" is wild. Y'all leave your dogs with a stranger from Rover. It's not that deep.

The issue here is the lack of communication upfront/beforehand. "Hey, babe. Larla is going on vacation for a few weeks and she wondered if I could watch Brutus, since he's a tank, pulls on walks, and can be a bit of an ass sometimes but we get along. You good with that?" makes this a non-issue. That he didn't bother to communicate like an adult about it upfront is a red flag, as is his "oh yeah, it's Larla's dog" blasé response when caught and called out. Then you add on the bonus of "previously cheated on his rebound relationship with this particular ex" and it becomes a problem.

But none of that is about the dog. My ex took care of my dogs when I took our kid college shopping a few weekends ago. It meant nothing more than "he knows where the food is and where the poop goes and I don't have to pay him". Why would you have an issue with someone having time with a previously-shared pet without the ex around? That's controlling af.

No, he doesn’t need to seek her permission. He can inform, but he doesn’t need to ask…

He doesn't NEED to ask her permission but he should. Getting involved with an ex could be tricky so it would be the kind thing to do to discuss it with your current girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Yeah. End that relationship. Seems sloppy.

OP here again. To answer earlier questions we’ve been together a year. I’m not a troll. I’m sorry I didn’t give all details up front. I was ticked off and just trying to post quickly.

You've been together for a year and you don't know if he had that dog with his ex-girlfriend or not?

+1 that’s odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Um, HELLO - this should bother you way more than the dog.

Should bother you more if you are with a man who claims to have never cheated, because then he is not only a cheater, but a liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Um, HELLO - this should bother you way more than the dog.

Should bother you more if you are with a man who claims to have never cheated, because then he is not only a cheater, but a liar.

How sad for you that your dating pool consists solely of cheaters.

[Anonymous]

This is a betrayal. Dump him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Yeah. End that relationship. Seems sloppy.

OP here again. To answer earlier questions we’ve been together a year. I’m not a troll. I’m sorry I didn’t give all details up front. I was ticked off and just trying to post quickly.

If you're not a troll, you're crushingly insecure. You have absolutely no reason to be "ticked off."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with update. I woke up to a random breakup text this morning. Coincidence? I think not. Always trust your gut.

He was shady in multiple ways. He never mentioned his cheating incidence until very late in our relationship, then this dog pops up without even speaking to me about it. There were also times where he got calls from her late at night recently.

All of it is poor boundaries and crappy behavior. There’s no excuse for it, and I’m glad he dumped me because after processing it all last night I realized I was done with him.

No, not a coincidence - but not what you're thinking.

If you'd gotten pissy with me about watching the dog, I'd have given serious thought to breaking up with you, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with update. I woke up to a random breakup text this morning. Coincidence? I think not. Always trust your gut.

He was shady in multiple ways. He never mentioned his cheating incidence until very late in our relationship, then this dog pops up without even speaking to me about it. There were also times where he got calls from her late at night recently.

All of it is poor boundaries and crappy behavior. There’s no excuse for it, and I’m glad he dumped me because after processing it all last night I realized I was done with him.

No, not a coincidence - but not what you're thinking.

If you'd gotten pissy with me about watching the dog, I'd have given serious thought to breaking up with you, too.

BS : men always have an exit plan they don’t leave until they secured a backup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your boyfriend can do whatever he wants, not only things that you approve or feel comfortable with. If you have a problem with that, break up with him.

Yeah. He’s not your husband or fiancé Zero real obligation to share.

A you problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with update. I woke up to a random breakup text this morning. Coincidence? I think not. Always trust your gut.

He was shady in multiple ways. He never mentioned his cheating incidence until very late in our relationship, then this dog pops up without even speaking to me about it. There were also times where he got calls from her late at night recently.

All of it is poor boundaries and crappy behavior. There’s no excuse for it, and I’m glad he dumped me because after processing it all last night I realized I was done with him.

No, not a coincidence - but not what you're thinking.

If you'd gotten pissy with me about watching the dog, I'd have given serious thought to breaking up with you, too.

BS : men always have an exit plan they don’t leave until they secured a backup

Sometimes. Or, OP's reaction to the dog was sufficiently . . . vehement that he decided that it was better to bail and be alone than continue with her.

[Anonymous]

Stop dating cheaters.