Anyone's college bound kid refusing to engage in packing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is nervous about starting college and leaving his high school friendships behind, which it sounds like he is, encourage him to rush when he gets to campus. There is no faster way to find your tribe and ensure the best possible college experience. People tell horror stories about pledgeship, but 99% of it is positive. It forces you out of your comfort zone and into fast friendships. Plus it's only 8-10 weeks, after which he'll get to enjoy 3 1/2 years of god status on campus and access to the best parties, girls, and networking opportunities. Nationwide, students who go Greek have significantly higher GPAs and graduation rates than those who remain GDIs. They also make more money out of college. Your kid is understandably nervous now, but if he pledges, you'll see a totally different attitude at Christmas. He'll be laughing at his former self for not wanting to take this step in life. Good luck!

“God status”?? 🤢

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC is due at college on Wednesday. We leave 9am that morning. So far no progress towards packing. Room is a disaster, to-do and to-buy lists are a mile long. DC just keeps scheduling one million good-bye social things, exercising twice a day, etc. It's all avoidant behavior but this is driving me insane. I swear that I am not pulling an all-nighter tomorrow night. They'll go to college with the clothes on their back if it comes to it. Anyone relate?

My older DC did this a decade ago. It drove me insane. But the day before DC left, I spent most of the day packing up everything, running last minute errands and getting everything ready to go. DC was not able to do it, and when I finally stopped hounding DC, things calmed down in our house, and all went well.

My advice: Do the packing yourself. Anything forgotten can be mailed to your child or you can find it near the college. I didn't even ask my younger kids when they went to college a few years later. I did their packing myself, with some input from them, mostly: "do you want this or this?" Then I packed it all.

Ignore those annoying parents who tell you their kids did all their packing themselves!! Your kid is your kid and they are going to do fine in college even if they don't do their own packing. They aren't ready. (BTW, DC graduated at the top of the class, got into a great grad school, and has a great job.)

Spare yourself the pain, OP. I had a terrible summer with DC when I spent all summer nagging. When I relaxed and did the packing myself, the stress disappeared, and DC had a smooth transition to college. My months of tears started right after we left DC at college, but that's another chapter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you helped them approach what and how to do this, OP? Or have you just said “pack for college” and let them figure it out? Because unless your kid is coming from boarding school, this is a very new thing and many kids get overwhelmed and don’t know how to start, so they avoid it. You have to help them.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got to help them pack. Nothing wrong in doing some of that for them. I don't get this attitude of telling them to pack and expect them to manage it all. It's not going to make them slackers in life if you help out. We've done it, and just two weeks back did another moving help. Our senior is well equipped to handle the world who can manage everything, and doing it now. But sometimes is not best organized about packing or moving, that is the small stuff, help out if you can and it will go better for all.

Stop coddling them.

The first PP's post was full of wisdom and this is the drivel you're responding with? We know better than you. Our kids are functional and none the worse for having received help.

If you knew better your adult son or daughter wouldn’t be acting like an incompetent toddler.

[Anonymous]

Freshman year I did everything for my boy. Sophomore year, I got Covid before it was time to take him. It was great lying in bed feeling no guilt. Guess what? My husband and son handled it. That’s when I realized I didn’t have to micromanage, and things would turn out alright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC is due at college on Wednesday. We leave 9am that morning. So far no progress towards packing. Room is a disaster, to-do and to-buy lists are a mile long. DC just keeps scheduling one million good-bye social things, exercising twice a day, etc. It's all avoidant behavior but this is driving me insane. I swear that I am not pulling an all-nighter tomorrow night. They'll go to college with the clothes on their back if it comes to it. Anyone relate?

Honestly, it sounds like you are avoiding, too. You should help. College shopping and packing is time consuming, but most first years have no real way to conceptualize it. It can be hard for them to understand what they will actually want/need living away from home for the first time. And it feels unreal to them, the idea of moving away. I did a basic shopping for my kid before he left and packed up bedding, basic school supplies, basic toiletries and toiletry bag, desk lamp, chargers/extension cords, laundry hamper and a detergent, a few snacks/drinks and a few OTC medications. He was responsible for clothes and I gave him some input, some of which he followed and some of which he ignored. I also helped him do all his laundry before he left, something I hadn't helped him with in years.

I mean, if my spouse was going on a work assignment for a few months I would help them organize and pack; why wouldn't I do that for my kid? Why are you choosing this moment to be tough with them, especially when you say you understand they are being avoidant? Weird, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got to help them pack. Nothing wrong in doing some of that for them. I don't get this attitude of telling them to pack and expect them to manage it all. It's not going to make them slackers in life if you help out. We've done it, and just two weeks back did another moving help. Our senior is well equipped to handle the world who can manage everything, and doing it now. But sometimes is not best organized about packing or moving, that is the small stuff, help out if you can and it will go better for all.

Stop coddling them.

The first PP's post was full of wisdom and this is the drivel you're responding with? We know better than you. Our kids are functional and none the worse for having received help.

If you knew better your adult son or daughter wouldn’t be acting like an incompetent toddler.

"Why don't the kids ever call or visit?"

~You, after your adult children finally process what kind of childhood they had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got to help them pack. Nothing wrong in doing some of that for them. I don't get this attitude of telling them to pack and expect them to manage it all. It's not going to make them slackers in life if you help out. We've done it, and just two weeks back did another moving help. Our senior is well equipped to handle the world who can manage everything, and doing it now. But sometimes is not best organized about packing or moving, that is the small stuff, help out if you can and it will go better for all.

Stop coddling them.

I always wonder who posts these things. Are they trolls going against the grain just because? Are they parents who actually had a super-independent kid and don't understand that others need to grow into it? Are they parents who didn't help their kid and are trying to rationalize that they weren't jerks? Or were they children of jerks who desperately want to believe that their parents did the right thing? Or maybe they're parents of young children who have no clue what they're talking about...

Anyway. Safe to ignore.

I am the PP in first post. I am ignoring this person. I think I knew at least one type of parent mentioned here. Back in my DCs sophomore year when he and his then roommate were moving things in a U-Haul they rented. His roommate received no help from either of his parents, he packed everything and came to our place, his mom came in a separate car to see him off. When we looked inside his van everything was a mess, the poor boy did not know how to pack everything neatly and a mirror he had packed broke in transit. His mom just stood there telling something about how dysfunctional he is, then said good byes and left. My husband then said not to worry as he helped our DS and his friend organize stuff next day morning before either of them got out, while they were having some breakfast. He did re-arrange everything neatly, and helped the boys move the van out of tough corners, which his roommate appreciated so much. The boys while being independent could still benefit from a grown up adult with experience. It's not coddling. It's called responsible parents lending a helping hand and teaching them how to.

[Anonymous]

Most kids have no respect for doormat parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most kids have no respect for doormat parents.

For 22:37.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got to help them pack. Nothing wrong in doing some of that for them. I don't get this attitude of telling them to pack and expect them to manage it all. It's not going to make them slackers in life if you help out. We've done it, and just two weeks back did another moving help. Our senior is well equipped to handle the world who can manage everything, and doing it now. But sometimes is not best organized about packing or moving, that is the small stuff, help out if you can and it will go better for all.

Stop coddling them.

The first PP's post was full of wisdom and this is the drivel you're responding with? We know better than you. Our kids are functional and none the worse for having received help.

If you knew better your adult son or daughter wouldn’t be acting like an incompetent toddler.

"Why don't the kids ever call or visit?"

~You, after your adult children finally process what kind of childhood they had.

They call me 4-7 times a week, they call their father 1-2 times a week because he works more, and they even call their grandparents once a week. And they packed 95%+ of their own items every year of college. What’s your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got to help them pack. Nothing wrong in doing some of that for them. I don't get this attitude of telling them to pack and expect them to manage it all. It's not going to make them slackers in life if you help out. We've done it, and just two weeks back did another moving help. Our senior is well equipped to handle the world who can manage everything, and doing it now. But sometimes is not best organized about packing or moving, that is the small stuff, help out if you can and it will go better for all.

Stop coddling them.

The first PP's post was full of wisdom and this is the drivel you're responding with? We know better than you. Our kids are functional and none the worse for having received help.

If you knew better your adult son or daughter wouldn’t be acting like an incompetent toddler.

We all know you're a troll. We see you, and you're naked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got to help them pack. Nothing wrong in doing some of that for them. I don't get this attitude of telling them to pack and expect them to manage it all. It's not going to make them slackers in life if you help out. We've done it, and just two weeks back did another moving help. Our senior is well equipped to handle the world who can manage everything, and doing it now. But sometimes is not best organized about packing or moving, that is the small stuff, help out if you can and it will go better for all.

Stop coddling them.

I always wonder who posts these things. Are they trolls going against the grain just because? Are they parents who actually had a super-independent kid and don't understand that others need to grow into it? Are they parents who didn't help their kid and are trying to rationalize that they weren't jerks? Or were they children of jerks who desperately want to believe that their parents did the right thing? Or maybe they're parents of young children who have no clue what they're talking about...

Anyway. Safe to ignore.

I am the PP in first post. I am ignoring this person. I think I knew at least one type of parent mentioned here. Back in my DCs sophomore year when he and his then roommate were moving things in a U-Haul they rented. His roommate received no help from either of his parents, he packed everything and came to our place, his mom came in a separate car to see him off. When we looked inside his van everything was a mess, the poor boy did not know how to pack everything neatly and a mirror he had packed broke in transit. His mom just stood there telling something about how dysfunctional he is, then said good byes and left. My husband then said not to worry as he helped our DS and his friend organize stuff next day morning before either of them got out, while they were having some breakfast. He did re-arrange everything neatly, and helped the boys move the van out of tough corners, which his roommate appreciated so much. The boys while being independent could still benefit from a grown up adult with experience. It's not coddling. It's called responsible parents lending a helping hand and teaching them how to.

Yes, I know some parents like that. After years of telling a kid that he's dumb, well, the kids lack confidence, feel really insecure, and it turns out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, after which the parent turns around and says: "See? I told you you couldn't hack it". It's painful to witness and tantamount to child abuse. I think those parents are acting on their own insecurities about parenting. Sometimes there are some mild special needs in the mix, or sometimes the child is just a little less outgoing or a little less quick than the parent, and the parent lives it as a stain on the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got to help them pack. Nothing wrong in doing some of that for them. I don't get this attitude of telling them to pack and expect them to manage it all. It's not going to make them slackers in life if you help out. We've done it, and just two weeks back did another moving help. Our senior is well equipped to handle the world who can manage everything, and doing it now. But sometimes is not best organized about packing or moving, that is the small stuff, help out if you can and it will go better for all.

Stop coddling them.

The first PP's post was full of wisdom and this is the drivel you're responding with? We know better than you. Our kids are functional and none the worse for having received help.

If you knew better your adult son or daughter wouldn’t be acting like an incompetent toddler.

"Why don't the kids ever call or visit?"

~You, after your adult children finally process what kind of childhood they had.

They call me 4-7 times a week, they call their father 1-2 times a week because he works more, and they even call their grandparents once a week. And they packed 95%+ of their own items every year of college. What’s your point?

Troll.

[Anonymous]

My kid is not packing at all. He said he will just buy clothes when he gets there…..left tonight with just his backpack…..oh well…