Anyone's college bound kid refusing to engage in packing?
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Anonymous
| My DC is due at college on Wednesday. We leave 9am that morning. So far no progress towards packing. Room is a disaster, to-do and to-buy lists are a mile long. DC just keeps scheduling one million good-bye social things, exercising twice a day, etc. It's all avoidant behavior but this is driving me insane. I swear that I am not pulling an all-nighter tomorrow night. They'll go to college with the clothes on their back if it comes to it. Anyone relate? |
Anonymous
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I know it's maddening, but consider that for most of these 17 and 18 year olds, it's their first time packing up so much of their stuff for an important move. Anxiety and avoidance are very real.
So carrot and stick, OP. Threaten them with whatever leverage you have, to force them to start now. And promise to help them with their lists if they do start now. I do not know a single family who did not help their child pack and move the first time they went to college. We all do that. There is always a degree of panic. Then subsequent semesters or years get better. |
Anonymous
| DS is leaving Thursday and I don't expect to do any packing until Wednesday night. If you need more than one day to pack, you're bringing too much stuff. |
Anonymous
| Have you helped them approach what and how to do this, OP? Or have you just said “pack for college” and let them figure it out? Because unless your kid is coming from boarding school, this is a very new thing and many kids get overwhelmed and don’t know how to start, so they avoid it. You have to help them. |
Anonymous
| This was my responsible kid last year (when kid was then a rising freshman). Finally, I just said, "We are packing tomorrow morning. Is 8 or 9 better?" Kid picked a time and packing got done. I think it was trying to avoid the unavoidable and once I set the deadline the kid was willing. Same kid packed up freshman dorm alone as parents did not go to the move out. So ...have hope! |
Anonymous
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He has a lot of friends, that’s great! Focus on that. Have the list ready and help him pack in two hours tomorrow. One of my kids like to fold and the other stuffs it in. There’s no right or wrong way.
If there’s a list of stuff to buy, stop at Target on the way. If his room is a mess, does it matter? I’ve done this with two boys and you want low stress. It will all be fine! Enjoy! |
Anonymous
| You got to help them pack. Nothing wrong in doing some of that for them. I don't get this attitude of telling them to pack and expect them to manage it all. It's not going to make them slackers in life if you help out. We've done it, and just two weeks back did another moving help. Our senior is well equipped to handle the world who can manage everything, and doing it now. But sometimes is not best organized about packing or moving, that is the small stuff, help out if you can and it will go better for all. |
Anonymous
| Why would YOU pull an all-nighter? This is your kid's issue, not yours. Let them FAFO. Welcome to being an adult! |
Anonymous
I'm the OP and yes, I've offered to help many times but I'm told, 'thanks but I can't do those times. I have X, Y, and Z on the schedule and then A and B and then J, k and L and then....." It's a bit ridiculous. Clearly it's avoidance. I've also been buying things so it's not like we're starting from zero but I need their thoughts on a bunch of things and more things still need to be purchased. And the room... boy the room is a disaster. Thanks to all who have commiserated and given your wisdom! |
Anonymous
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Dd went shopping for a bunch of dorm stuff with her friends. Social outing and productive.
Yea, your kid is definitely in avoidance, overwhelmed, procrastinating, probably a bit surreal too, dont want the summer (and friendships to end), want to cling to familiar, etc. It's tough. |
Anonymous
Does he have everything he will pack? |
Anonymous
| If your kid is nervous about starting college and leaving his high school friendships behind, which it sounds like he is, encourage him to rush when he gets to campus. There is no faster way to find your tribe and ensure the best possible college experience. People tell horror stories about pledgeship, but 99% of it is positive. It forces you out of your comfort zone and into fast friendships. Plus it's only 8-10 weeks, after which he'll get to enjoy 3 1/2 years of god status on campus and access to the best parties, girls, and networking opportunities. Nationwide, students who go Greek have significantly higher GPAs and graduation rates than those who remain GDIs. They also make more money out of college. Your kid is understandably nervous now, but if he pledges, you'll see a totally different attitude at Christmas. He'll be laughing at his former self for not wanting to take this step in life. Good luck! |
Anonymous
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Give them small assignments and designate a big area outside of their room to start making piles.
T-Shirts sweatshirts Shorts socks etc. Make a pile of personal items (deo, shampoo) and one for school supplies etc. It can be overwhelming . |
Anonymous
Stop coddling them. |
Anonymous
u This, 2nd year and I'm not stressing. They can order or take a trip to target with friends by bus... 3rd year, they have a car so no help or worries. It really gets easier. |