Anyone's college bound kid refusing to engage in packing?

[Anonymous]

Every year for three years. Welcome to ADHD!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is due at college on Wednesday. We leave 9am that morning. So far no progress towards packing. Room is a disaster, to-do and to-buy lists are a mile long. DC just keeps scheduling one million good-bye social things, exercising twice a day, etc. It's all avoidant behavior but this is driving me insane. I swear that I am not pulling an all-nighter tomorrow night. They'll go to college with the clothes on their back if it comes to it. Anyone relate?

Sounds like the poster from last year whose kid wouldn’t write essays so parent did it instead.

I can’t imagine this scenario. If my kid didn’t follow through on reasonable requests to pack, I wouldn’t allow her to go out with friends. My kid is 18, but we control the purse strings and are clear with expectations. It’s a matter of mutual respect.

For an 18 year old that is 100% bonkers. Natural consequences are way better for learning anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you helped them approach what and how to do this, OP? Or have you just said “pack for college” and let them figure it out? Because unless your kid is coming from boarding school, this is a very new thing and many kids get overwhelmed and don’t know how to start, so they avoid it. You have to help them.

I'm the OP and yes, I've offered to help many times but I'm told, 'thanks but I can't do those times. I have X, Y, and Z on the schedule and then A and B and then J, k and L and then....." It's a bit ridiculous. Clearly it's avoidance. I've also been buying things so it's not like we're starting from zero but I need their thoughts on a bunch of things and more things still need to be purchased. And the room... boy the room is a disaster.

Thanks to all who have commiserated and given your wisdom!

They don't need all the stuff you're buying. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Too many choices and too much stuff can cause decision paralysis for some. My son packs at the last minute and always has enough of what he needs. Amazon is always available for forgotten items.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know it's maddening, but consider that for most of these 17 and 18 year olds, it's their first time packing up so much of their stuff for an important move. Anxiety and avoidance are very real.

So carrot and stick, OP. Threaten them with whatever leverage you have, to force them to start now. And promise to help them with their lists if they do start now.

I do not know a single family who did not help their child pack and move the first time they went to college. We all do that. There is always a degree of panic. Then subsequent semesters or years get better.

My DD did it all herself, but went to Fed Ex w her to ship,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is due at college on Wednesday. We leave 9am that morning. So far no progress towards packing. Room is a disaster, to-do and to-buy lists are a mile long. DC just keeps scheduling one million good-bye social things, exercising twice a day, etc. It's all avoidant behavior but this is driving me insane. I swear that I am not pulling an all-nighter tomorrow night. They'll go to college with the clothes on their back if it comes to it. Anyone relate?

Sounds like the poster from last year whose kid wouldn’t write essays so parent did it instead.

I can’t imagine this scenario. If my kid didn’t follow through on reasonable requests to pack, I wouldn’t allow her to go out with friends. My kid is 18, but we control the purse strings and are clear with expectations. It’s a matter of mutual respect.

For an 18 year old that is 100% bonkers. Natural consequences are way better for learning anyway.

Not bonkers at all. My house, my car, I’m paying tuition. Being an active participant in packing is an expectation that can easily be met.

My kid had no issue spending time with friends and organizing/packing. Time management is a life skill. Respect goes two ways in our house.