Thinking I need to break up with boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Ignore misogyny bro. He turns up on every relationship thread to crap on women. His whole worldview depends on women feeling bad about themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP you obviously need to dump this guy. He may be smart and funny but if he doesn’t care about you then what’s the point? But before you move on to the next person I would recommend you first figure out why you spent 18 months with this loser. You can make that mistake with this guy but at your age, if you want kids, you don’t want to make that mistake again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been together?

18 months

Do you live together?

No thank god.

This just got so much easier! Do you want some talking points/ help with a script? Are you worried that when you drop the bomb he will try (and maybe succeed) to convince you to give him another chance?

I get that you see marriage in your future, but don't let the fantasy box you into a miserable future and a certain divorce. This isn't the guy.

Aww, thank you. I am just venting. I want kids and I'm worried this will set me back in that regard.

I did laugh at the "are you worried he will try to convince you to give him another chance." I genuinely don't think he'd care. He'd act sad for like ten minutes and then probably go out binge drinking.

So he’s not a a candidate to be a dad anyway. What a pathetic chump. I loathe him from the little u have written - can’t imagine sharing a life with him. It burns me up that guys like him get away with horrible behavior, all because their partners don’t want to be alone. This guy is a s**t show!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, this will not get better. He's not even doing the thing where he listens and promises to make changes, then "forgets". There is no happy ending here. I'm sorry OP.

I think what I am post pissed off about is that he used to constantly do everything right when we first started dating. When I first pointed out he never compliments me, never does nice little gestures anymore, etc. about six months ago, he replied, (I am not joking here) "I don't need to anymore."

Yeah, he should be done. I've been with my husband for over 30 years at this point, and he still gives me compliments and nice gestures. As I do for him too. And not for "points"...but because that's what people who truly care about each other do. I'm so sorry, I know you feel at 32 it's over, but you deserve better than this loser. (And he's 39?!? Really?)

[Anonymous]

Girl…You need to be more assertive! Next time, breakup at the first sign of him not giving a shit. Why waste valuable time with a boy?

And please don’t let him back in your life when you break up, that would be the worse mistake ever.

[Anonymous]

Every minute more you spend with him is one less you will spend living your best life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can't judge the situation without you saying why you need to break up.

He just does not give a single shit about me. He dismisses me, ignores my emotional needs, and frankly half the time he is literally ignoring me. (Bailing on plans last minute to stay out until 4am with his "bois.") Every time I point this out he guilt trips like my 55 year old Catholic mother "Oh, I guess I'm just awful, I'm the worst bf in the whole world."

I don't even know how to deal with it at this point because every time I bring it up - "Hey, I need more X from you," "It would be great if you did Y more" he rolls his eyes and says "I'm not doing this right now." So, the first line of defense for relationship problems which is "Just talk about it" doesn't even apply because he refuses to talk about it.

How old is this guy?

He turned 39 in April which makes the fact that he's out with his friends until 4am even dumber. And then the next morning is too hungover to do anything. But simultaneously has time to judge other people's eating habits or lifestyle choices. (Can you tell I am frustrated.)

Of course you are frustrated OP. I am frustrated for you. But you should also be angry. Angry at yourself. This man is not the type to spend your life with as he already treats you poorly. Actually, he is being more honest about how he feels about you than you are being with yourself. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

You need to break up with him because in addition to the fact that he isn’t meeting your needs, you also clearly don’t like him very much. You sound more nervous to be alone/single than to miss something about him.

Every relationship I’ve seen end in divorce was preceded by a period where at least one partner stopped being on the other’s team (sometimes both). Stopped thinking the best of him/her, stopped celebrating the little successes, etc.

You are there and there’s exceptions to every rule, but I’ve never seen a friend come back from this point and it worked out long term.

Like they say in Silicon Valley - fail fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can't judge the situation without you saying why you need to break up.

He just does not give a single shit about me. He dismisses me, ignores my emotional needs, and frankly half the time he is literally ignoring me. (Bailing on plans last minute to stay out until 4am with his "bois.") Every time I point this out he guilt trips like my 55 year old Catholic mother "Oh, I guess I'm just awful, I'm the worst bf in the whole world."

I don't even know how to deal with it at this point because every time I bring it up - "Hey, I need more X from you," "It would be great if you did Y more" he rolls his eyes and says "I'm not doing this right now." So, the first line of defense for relationship problems which is "Just talk about it" doesn't even apply because he refuses to talk about it.

Get out now. You can be single for a little. Who knows, you could meet someone tomorrow and be married in 2 years. You never know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been together?

18 months

Do you live together?

No thank god.

This just got so much easier! Do you want some talking points/ help with a script? Are you worried that when you drop the bomb he will try (and maybe succeed) to convince you to give him another chance?

I get that you see marriage in your future, but don't let the fantasy box you into a miserable future and a certain divorce. This isn't the guy.

Aww, thank you. I am just venting. I want kids and I'm worried this will set me back in that regard.

I did laugh at the "are you worried he will try to convince you to give him another chance." I genuinely don't think he'd care. He'd act sad for like ten minutes and then probably go out binge drinking.

You don't want kids with this guy. You'll be working all week and taking care of babies when home, maybe you get sick and he's going to ask what's for dinner and then go out with friends, come in at 4am waking the baby and be completely useless the next day with his hangover. He won't change or man up. Get rid of him. Start fresh.

[Anonymous]

You already got the 18 month setback in having kids. It would only get longer if you don't split. You can't be looking or open to new relationships while stewing over 18 months wasted on Mr Wrong who enjoys the milk without buying the cow.

He is not who you even want as a sperm donor.
Move on.
Happy Independence Day!
Change your locks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can't judge the situation without you saying why you need to break up.

He just does not give a single shit about me. He dismisses me, ignores my emotional needs, and frankly half the time he is literally ignoring me. (Bailing on plans last minute to stay out until 4am with his "bois.") Every time I point this out he guilt trips like my 55 year old Catholic mother "Oh, I guess I'm just awful, I'm the worst bf in the whole world."

I don't even know how to deal with it at this point because every time I bring it up - "Hey, I need more X from you," "It would be great if you did Y more" he rolls his eyes and says "I'm not doing this right now." So, the first line of defense for relationship problems which is "Just talk about it" doesn't even apply because he refuses to talk about it.

How old is this guy?

He turned 39 in April which makes the fact that he's out with his friends until 4am even dumber. And then the next morning is too hungover to do anything. But simultaneously has time to judge other people's eating habits or lifestyle choices. (Can you tell I am frustrated.)

Of course you are frustrated OP. I am frustrated for you. But you should also be angry. Angry at yourself. This man is not the type to spend your life with as he already treats you poorly. Actually, he is being more honest about how he feels about you than you are being with yourself. You deserve better.

Why. She said that he blatantly told her he doesn't need to impress her anymore. It's not like he treated her like shit from the get-go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can't judge the situation without you saying why you need to break up.

He just does not give a single shit about me. He dismisses me, ignores my emotional needs, and frankly half the time he is literally ignoring me. (Bailing on plans last minute to stay out until 4am with his "bois.") Every time I point this out he guilt trips like my 55 year old Catholic mother "Oh, I guess I'm just awful, I'm the worst bf in the whole world."

I don't even know how to deal with it at this point because every time I bring it up - "Hey, I need more X from you," "It would be great if you did Y more" he rolls his eyes and says "I'm not doing this right now." So, the first line of defense for relationship problems which is "Just talk about it" doesn't even apply because he refuses to talk about it.

What are you doing with this loser??? For the sake of your future self please bail now as a great birthday gift to your present self. If I could go back and slap my 32-year-old self for settling for someone I actually didn't want to marry I would. But I can't. So please take it from me. RUN NOW. And do some work NOW to figure out why you were drawn to this kind of man.

[Anonymous]

Dump his a$$ and get busy dating!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can't judge the situation without you saying why you need to break up.

He just does not give a single shit about me. He dismisses me, ignores my emotional needs, and frankly half the time he is literally ignoring me. (Bailing on plans last minute to stay out until 4am with his "bois.") Every time I point this out he guilt trips like my 55 year old Catholic mother "Oh, I guess I'm just awful, I'm the worst bf in the whole world."

I don't even know how to deal with it at this point because every time I bring it up - "Hey, I need more X from you," "It would be great if you did Y more" he rolls his eyes and says "I'm not doing this right now." So, the first line of defense for relationship problems which is "Just talk about it" doesn't even apply because he refuses to talk about it.

How old is this guy?

He turned 39 in April which makes the fact that he's out with his friends until 4am even dumber. And then the next morning is too hungover to do anything. But simultaneously has time to judge other people's eating habits or lifestyle choices. (Can you tell I am frustrated.)

Of course you are frustrated OP. I am frustrated for you. But you should also be angry. Angry at yourself. This man is not the type to spend your life with as he already treats you poorly. Actually, he is being more honest about how he feels about you than you are being with yourself. You deserve better.

Why. She said that he blatantly told her he doesn't need to impress her anymore. It's not like he treated her like shit from the get-go.

Angry at herself for even questioning whether she should leave him. She deserves better. So much better. Full stop. There really is nothing to question.