Thinking I need to break up with boyfriend

[Anonymous]

I turn 32 tomorrow. I really did not picture being single at 32.

[Anonymous]

That’s not a reason to stay with someone if it’s not working. 32 is still young.

[Anonymous]

We can't judge the situation without you saying why you need to break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We can't judge the situation without you saying why you need to break up.

He just does not give a single shit about me. He dismisses me, ignores my emotional needs, and frankly half the time he is literally ignoring me. (Bailing on plans last minute to stay out until 4am with his "bois.") Every time I point this out he guilt trips like my 55 year old Catholic mother "Oh, I guess I'm just awful, I'm the worst bf in the whole world."

I don't even know how to deal with it at this point because every time I bring it up - "Hey, I need more X from you," "It would be great if you did Y more" he rolls his eyes and says "I'm not doing this right now." So, the first line of defense for relationship problems which is "Just talk about it" doesn't even apply because he refuses to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can't judge the situation without you saying why you need to break up.

He just does not give a single shit about me. He dismisses me, ignores my emotional needs, and frankly half the time he is literally ignoring me. (Bailing on plans last minute to stay out until 4am with his "bois.") Every time I point this out he guilt trips like my 55 year old Catholic mother "Oh, I guess I'm just awful, I'm the worst bf in the whole world."

I don't even know how to deal with it at this point because every time I bring it up - "Hey, I need more X from you," "It would be great if you did Y more" he rolls his eyes and says "I'm not doing this right now." So, the first line of defense for relationship problems which is "Just talk about it" doesn't even apply because he refuses to talk about it.

Yeah, I'd dump him. I don't need that in my life. Clearly his relationship with his bois is more important than maintaining his relationship with you. Your wants are reasonable here. Better off alone than with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can't judge the situation without you saying why you need to break up.

He just does not give a single shit about me. He dismisses me, ignores my emotional needs, and frankly half the time he is literally ignoring me. (Bailing on plans last minute to stay out until 4am with his "bois.") Every time I point this out he guilt trips like my 55 year old Catholic mother "Oh, I guess I'm just awful, I'm the worst bf in the whole world."

I don't even know how to deal with it at this point because every time I bring it up - "Hey, I need more X from you," "It would be great if you did Y more" he rolls his eyes and says "I'm not doing this right now." So, the first line of defense for relationship problems which is "Just talk about it" doesn't even apply because he refuses to talk about it.

How old is this guy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can't judge the situation without you saying why you need to break up.

He just does not give a single shit about me. He dismisses me, ignores my emotional needs, and frankly half the time he is literally ignoring me. (Bailing on plans last minute to stay out until 4am with his "bois.") Every time I point this out he guilt trips like my 55 year old Catholic mother "Oh, I guess I'm just awful, I'm the worst bf in the whole world."

I don't even know how to deal with it at this point because every time I bring it up - "Hey, I need more X from you," "It would be great if you did Y more" he rolls his eyes and says "I'm not doing this right now." So, the first line of defense for relationship problems which is "Just talk about it" doesn't even apply because he refuses to talk about it.

How old is this guy?

He turned 39 in April which makes the fact that he's out with his friends until 4am even dumber. And then the next morning is too hungover to do anything. But simultaneously has time to judge other people's eating habits or lifestyle choices. (Can you tell I am frustrated.)

[Anonymous]

If you live with him, make a plan to get out. If you have your own place, tell him you need an extended break.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, this will not get better. He's not even doing the thing where he listens and promises to make changes, then "forgets". There is no happy ending here. I'm sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, this will not get better. He's not even doing the thing where he listens and promises to make changes, then "forgets". There is no happy ending here. I'm sorry OP.

I think what I am post pissed off about is that he used to constantly do everything right when we first started dating. When I first pointed out he never compliments me, never does nice little gestures anymore, etc. about six months ago, he replied, (I am not joking here) "I don't need to anymore."

So yeah I am most pissed off that I fell for it.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been together?

[Anonymous]

I'd break up with him just over the cheeky spelling of "bois". He sounds awful. You can do better and you deserve better, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been together?

18 months

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, this will not get better. He's not even doing the thing where he listens and promises to make changes, then "forgets". There is no happy ending here. I'm sorry OP.

I think what I am post pissed off about is that he used to constantly do everything right when we first started dating. When I first pointed out he never compliments me, never does nice little gestures anymore, etc. about six months ago, he replied, (I am not joking here) "I don't need to anymore."

So yeah I am most pissed off that I fell for it.

Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Yeah, you put a lot in, and returns were acceptable at first. But now you're getting nothing back, and he's not even bothering to paint a rosy picture. So divest and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd break up with him just over the cheeky spelling of "bois". He sounds awful. You can do better and you deserve better, OP.

That was me being snarky. He's never spelled it that way. I was more making fun of the fact that he is nearly 40 years old and acting like a college kid.