Stunned by a teen girl. How is this cordial behavior learned or is it innate?

[Anonymous]

300 people for this one girl?

[Anonymous]

It’s an extroverted personality.

[Anonymous]

I probably came across like that as a teen. My dad was a politician and I was frequently in social settings and expected to interact with adults from the time I was a toddler. I think naturally I am shyer than that but I was put in the situation of having to socialize so much that I developed those skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The gathering was in her honor? I would have made sure my child greeted and thanked all of the guests at some point. That's a lot of people, though--good for her!

You missed the point. The kid has exceptional people skills. It’s a type of personality that people are drawn to and it’s not common. It’s more than just being taught manners. She’ll do well in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gathering last weekend for a colleague’s daughter. Normal looking and her mom has told me over the years she’s just a regular, average student and sort of shy, not terribly popular — not a boisterous type-A overachieving homecoming queen Elle Woods or anything.

Apparently she can turn it “on” for large gatherings because we were blown away how she worked the crowd of 300+ people coming and going, and when we left, she ran out to our car to personally thank us. Charming, warm, eye contact, quick little stories and then gracefully moved on.

I told her mom this week how lovely her daughter was and how she ran out to say bye and thank you to us. She said everyone was saying the same and that she made sure to personally do that for all 300+ guests!

I’m asking because I’m jealous. Our daughter is a great student and outgoing but absolutely nothing like that. Do parents actually teach their teens to behave this way and turn it “on” in a large gathering?

I don't think this can really be taught. My daughter is also very good at this and has been since she was a child. I don't know about in a party of 300 people, but in any gathering she can hold her own.

I will say this much - generally, and not just to you PP - if your kid does not know or practice the very basic norm of introducing themselves and shaking hands then TEACH THEM. Force it. I watched a couple of my daughter's friends not even know how to say, "Hi, I'm Susie, nice to meet you" to others at the party we hosted. Makes a very bad impression.

Everyone can be taught manners. It’s the girl’s charisma that can’t be taught.

[Anonymous]

Sad that OP’s reaction was jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Seems like a great kid. I have one who will do this with adults. She is 12. My older daughter would do this with her peers.

[Anonymous]

This sounds more like innate charisma than manners.

[Anonymous]

Reserved and shy are 2 different things. Maybe that’s what the mother really meant. I agree with the pp who said she has probably had experience talking to adults. I can remember my DH talking to my sons about meeting college reps. Shake hands, look them in the eye and introduce yourself. My kids didn’t mumble with their head down so some teens do come off that way. Much of this is all teachable.

[Anonymous]

My teen dd could do this at a party, but might absolutely melt down at another situation that she is anxious about.

You can be jealous, but I assure you that teen you saw is not perfect. There are some things your kids do better, you just haven’t seen them. Comparison is the thief of joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sad that OP’s reaction was jealousy.

I didn’t take it as that. Sounds like admiration

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I probably came across like that as a teen. My dad was a politician and I was frequently in social settings and expected to interact with adults from the time I was a toddler. I think naturally I am shyer than that but I was put in the situation of having to socialize so much that I developed those skills.

That sounds awful. I feel so sorry for politician’s kids that are dragged around to adult events their whole childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:300 people for this one girl?

+1. Any family that hosts a gathering this large has given their kids plenty of practice at playing hostess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:300 guests?

+1 I don’t know that a truly shy teen would want a party of 300 guests; I imagine her parent was not describing her particularly accurately. A party of that size would be challenging for all but the super extroverted, I imagine.

[Anonymous]

I do that op, oh do I do that. It is exhausting, though.
How it looks for me. I was raised in a household where we hosted sit-down dinners and parties. I always helped with everything when I was young.
I learned that you offer to take the coat, offer drinks, tell guests to sit down, remove the plates after each course, and all that. To serve coffee after everything.
I was in charge of even our parties when we were throwing a teen party. My sister was the extroverted one, and for her party, she was going nuts, so to speak. No thought to propriety or decorum, but she knew I would do everything.
I can still do this and do it all the time. If I am hosting or attending a reception, I am the host or the best guest and follow all the protocols and rules. It is sometimes annoying to me because they know I am familiar with high-level protocol rules (I work with foreign governments frequently), and they often put me at the front for many high-profile events at work.
After this, I need two days to recover. I don't have two days so I just make it till the weekend, and then I just rest and watch Netflix.
Last time I worked a high level visit for work, it was around 2 weeks of non stop work and socializing, I did it all and I did great. Then I crashed as soon as I could.