Spin off - Kids ringing doorbell in neighborhood/free roaming kids. What are your rules?

[Anonymous]

DD is 8. We live on a small court with 6-8 kids 7-11 (depends on who is around due to custody), plus a few others who live on the street over but are old enough to head to our street to play.

They all kind of chatter and figure it out amongst themselves, TBH. They seem to know who has activities, play dates, etc. at any given time. Some are on Messenger Kids and make plans. If they’re not sure, they knock once. All the parents have contact info and we try to make sure no one is left out if it seems glaringly obvious. Kids bounce around 3 of the backyards (pool/ trampoline/ swings, etc.) or just run the (safe and limited) road by foot or wheel.

Kids will try once and understand parents if we say kid is out. Also, everyone is respectful- I WAH and some kids have parents who work shift work. Parents are also respectful. I feel like what we have is pretty rare and great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 8. We live on a small court with 6-8 kids 7-11 (depends on who is around due to custody), plus a few others who live on the street over but are old enough to head to our street to play.

They all kind of chatter and figure it out amongst themselves, TBH. They seem to know who has activities, play dates, etc. at any given time. Some are on Messenger Kids and make plans. If they’re not sure, they knock once. All the parents have contact info and we try to make sure no one is left out if it seems glaringly obvious. Kids bounce around 3 of the backyards (pool/ trampoline/ swings, etc.) or just run the (safe and limited) road by foot or wheel.

Kids will try once and understand parents if we say kid is out. Also, everyone is respectful- I WAH and some kids have parents who work shift work. Parents are also respectful. I feel like what we have is pretty rare and great.

I also want to qualify that my WAH allows me a lot of flexibility so kids are always welcome here - so that may change what people think about as far as my ability to free range. I can work out by the pool if needed or have a back window I can watch periodically if they’re in the yard. I always text parents to make sure they know their kid is in the yard and verify any “time home” requirement. It takes time but I know my kid is having fun and being safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's problem is that she only has one kid.

Wow that is a painful comment for those of us who tried for more and had miscarriages or other struggles. Think before you speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You kids childhood is idyllic. You are crazy lucky. Stop complaining.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's problem is that she only has one kid.

Wow that is a painful comment for those of us who tried for more and had miscarriages or other struggles. Think before you speak.

We had one kid by choice, but I didn't really understand the comment. The kind of neighborhood OP describes is great for only children. I grew up an only child in the country, tromping through the woods all day by myself, and that definitely has its charms, but I might could have stood a few friends around too.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me sad. We lived in a neighborhood where kids ran freely, rang doorbells, and played hours after school and on the weekends. I didn’t have to schedule play dates, my kids got life lessons in following different household rules, and we saw value in playing with a variety of different ages.

We kept a pantry full of snacks or would send home when it was dinnertime. Sometimes my kids would go find friends and they weren’t available or mom said no - it was no biggie, and they’d meet up the next day. Sometimes they’d have a friend over for lunch, sometimes the child didn’t care for what we were serving so I’d send him home to eat. It was all so low-key and I never felt taken advantage of. It was a village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 9 year old has a few different friend's houses he can walk to, and does so often, or they walk here. Sometimes I will text the parent to ask "are you free this afternoon" but more often the kids just initiate on their own. I'm very happy to have kids ring the doorbell. If it's not a good time I say "thanks for coming over, Larlo can't play right now" and they say OK and come back the next day.

We have 2 neighbors who I'm not super close with but they have similar age kids, and my son will often join in their outdoor play, but almost never approaches their home, just sees them if they are already outside.

After age 8 I think play dates should be child led when possible. The parents demanding an advance warning text are odd to me. Im thankful I dont have to be in the middle of my sons entire social life. Its good for kids to figure this stuff out.

Why is it odd to want communication if you are dumping your child on someone else. It’s odd to me you have your kids knock on others doors and demand to be let in. You should call, invite the kids over and supervise. You want free childcare. Sometimes if a parent is out with their kid to spend time with them, they don’t want to be babysitting yours.

[Anonymous]

We have had kids ring the doorbell occasionally, but generally parents tend to text and ask if ok first. I always send kids home for meals, OP you shouldn’t feel obligated to feed anyone except your own. I do provide snacks if I know parents are ok with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can just clap your glands together briskly and announce “okay, time for everyone to go home to get lunch, see you later/tomorrow!” And then just usher them out of your house or if in your yard say “Ashlyn, you’re going that way, Jaylin, you live this way…”

I know it’s just a typo, but “clap your glands together briskly” has me cracking up over here!

[Anonymous]

People wonder why they have no village. Neighborhood friends are your child’s village.

[Anonymous]

We live in a neighborhood where I would totally be ok to free range a bit EXCEPT that cars are screaming through. People and zooming in and o it of driveways and speeding through turns without looking for kids. Adults in giant white SUVs are the most common offenders, followed by teen boys. I am not at all afraid of kidnapping or kids getting hurt falling out of a tree or nailing boards together.

[Anonymous]

I was glad to have kids in a neighborhood that has mostly older adults. I prefer setting up play dates. One of our neighbors had an older kid and parents both worked long hours. I stayed home when kids were young. This mom would send her kid over at all hours. It was kind of annoying. We wouldn’t answer in evening if during bath or bedtime, and she’d just play on our swings etc in the yard, alone. I often felt sorry for her, and would let her join our family activities, she had no siblings and I had three kids. We would all make dinner together, do laundry together, play in the yard together, read together. I think she enjoyed the family atmosphere. She acted pretty different with her parents and wouldn’t help with any chores at all for them. I felt certain her mom was using me for child care. And she probably didn’t feel great about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 9 year old has a few different friend's houses he can walk to, and does so often, or they walk here. Sometimes I will text the parent to ask "are you free this afternoon" but more often the kids just initiate on their own. I'm very happy to have kids ring the doorbell. If it's not a good time I say "thanks for coming over, Larlo can't play right now" and they say OK and come back the next day.

We have 2 neighbors who I'm not super close with but they have similar age kids, and my son will often join in their outdoor play, but almost never approaches their home, just sees them if they are already outside.

After age 8 I think play dates should be child led when possible. The parents demanding an advance warning text are odd to me. Im thankful I dont have to be in the middle of my sons entire social life. Its good for kids to figure this stuff out.

Why is it odd to want communication if you are dumping your child on someone else. It’s odd to me you have your kids knock on others doors and demand to be let in. You should call, invite the kids over and supervise. You want free childcare. Sometimes if a parent is out with their kid to spend time with them, they don’t want to be babysitting yours.

Who is supervising a nine year old playing with friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My rules are you can play on sidewalks and in front yards but do not go into anyone's house or fenced back yard. Some people have questionable dogs and some parents I just don't trust. But I want my kids to get exercise and have unstructured play.
Some kids get very pushy asking for food and you have to learn to just say no. I wanted to have the hang-out house and now I'm realizing no, I don't want that because user parents will have no problem sending their kids over every day and even having you feed them lunch (and no, none of these people are poor.)

I find it strange adults who can afford to feed kids, will not. Give them a grilled cheese or something cheap.

Half of DCUM is terrified of being "taken advantage of" by having kids in their house or giving them food. It's weird.

I don’t see it that way. I hesitate to provide food unless I ask parents first. It may screw up mealtime or there could be an allergy or something. I don’t give strange pets treats without asking, either. Ask the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People wonder why they have no village. Neighborhood friends are your child’s village.

100%, I love neighborhoods like this for kids/teens. So valuable, yet so underrated