Spin off - Kids ringing doorbell in neighborhood/free roaming kids. What are your rules?

[Anonymous]

Spinning off the other thread about the kindergartener knocking on a door repeatedly. I live in a small neighborhood where kids roam freely.

I do not send my kid out to find other kids to play with by himself. If he does, I sit on the front porch and watch him walk over to the house, waiting until he comes back or plays in another child's yard, and I can see that a parent is watching him. He has a smartwatch on him. My son has some rules when he comes home: he has to wash his hands, change his school clothes, and have a snack/cool-down time before running out. He's allowed to play until dinner time, which is usually 3:30 - 5 PM. DS is 6, and kids in the neighborhood range from ages 4-10. Usually, I go with him and sit in the other parent's yard. Some parents will let their kids be out all day on the weekend and not check in for lunch. I'm getting annoyed with the free roaming on the weekends, because when I make DS lunch around noon, his friends will be there and looking at me like they're hungry, so I make lunch for all of them. We've had to start setting limits on playdates because otherwise, I feel like I'm providing free daycare for the neighborhood on the weekends.

Other parents do send their kids out unsupervised and do not know where they are. They roam from house to house or yard to yard and send a check-in text into a group text to see where their kids are - these kids are ages 4 to 7 or 8. Some kids have rung our doorbell at 7:30 PM when DS is in the bath and getting ready for bed on a school night. The challenge is that some of the parents in the neighborhood are much more liberal about their kids - my son has complained to me about a little boy in the neighborhood who pulls his pants down and shows his genitals or hits other kids. My son is no longer allowed to play with him, nor does he want to, due to the hitting. The little boy has autism and goes to a developmental preschool.

I'm curious how kids play in other neighborhoods and what your rules are.

[Anonymous]

We live in a similar neighborhood. My youngest was 8 when we moved here, so I don’t have experience with smaller children.

Our previous neighborhood was more typically UMC suburban with kids mostly in scheduled activities and not really playing in the neighborhood.

I’m really grateful for this community we live in now. My kids were out until 10pm last night playing “Ghost in the Graveyard,” and I thought it was great.

As for feeding kids, we don’t really do that in my neighborhood unless it’s a play date in someone’s home. The kids are generally outside.

[Anonymous]

My kid is almost 8. She has a set boundary where she can bike. The boundary is near her school. There are several streets along the way where she can ask if people can play. It is about a mile range. Very safe suburb with no major roads to cross.

It’s unusual for our area but not unheard of. She was called weird for just turning up, so I told her to skip that house next time. I’ve found a couple of like minded moms who want to encourage this as well.

[Anonymous]

I think most of what you wrote sounds great, OP. I wish I lived in a community like that when my kids were younger.

I would have no problem saying “Billy it’s time to come in for lunch” without inviting everyone else in for lunch. It sounds like they aren’t even asking. If you mean the kids are inside your house playing at lunch time, well yes, in that case I’d either provide lunch for everyone or send the other kids home.

My kids are older now so I might be out of touch, but a 6 year old with a smart watch is insane. Especially because it doesn't sound like he’s ever really out of your sight.

[Anonymous]

So you say no to the drop ins, send kids back to their own house for lunch/dinner, tell your kid each family has different ways of doing things. This really isn’t so hard.

I do feel bad for the child with autism who is already being isolated by other families.

[Anonymous]

You can just clap your glands together briskly and announce “okay, time for everyone to go home to get lunch, see you later/tomorrow!” And then just usher them out of your house or if in your yard say “Ashlyn, you’re going that way, Jaylin, you live this way…”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you say no to the drop ins, send kids back to their own house for lunch/dinner, tell your kid each family has different ways of doing things. This really isn’t so hard.

I do feel bad for the child with autism who is already being isolated by other families.

This stood out to me too. Yikes. Poor kid/family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most of what you wrote sounds great, OP. I wish I lived in a community like that when my kids were younger.

I would have no problem saying “Billy it’s time to come in for lunch” without inviting everyone else in for lunch. It sounds like they aren’t even asking. If you mean the kids are inside your house playing at lunch time, well yes, in that case I’d either provide lunch for everyone or send the other kids home.

My kids are older now so I might be out of touch, but a 6 year old with a smart watch is insane. Especially because it doesn't sound like he’s ever really out of your sight.

+1

I wish I had this when my kids were younger. We moved into an UC neighborhood ($3M++) and the kids don't play with each other, even similar aged kids!! When they're babies the nannies took them to the playground, but believe it or not there were social dynamics amongst the nannies. The Latinas (I'm also Latina) were exclusive toward other ethnicities. Our nanny was African, so an outsider of sorts. When my kids did play with neighborhood kids the playdates were overly curated and meticulously planned and orchestrated by a nanny (of course). Like snack time was an apple craft where they made a face with peanutbutter, marshmallows and other stuff. Despite my neighborhood being safe and our neighbors being kind, it was way too uptight to give kids the freedom I had in a free range neighborhood as a kid. Also the kids are mostly in different private schools and the ones that coincidentally are in the same school are of different ages.

Long story short - enjoy what you have. Everything has some challenges.

[Anonymous]

Wait, your 6 year old has a Smartwatch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you say no to the drop ins, send kids back to their own house for lunch/dinner, tell your kid each family has different ways of doing things. This really isn’t so hard.

I do feel bad for the child with autism who is already being isolated by other families.

This stood out to me too. Yikes. Poor kid/family.

Agree.

Bit I would do this too. He is being inappropriate. If it was just awkwardness, that would be different. This kid is exposing himself.

[Anonymous]

I love having kids ring our doorbell. It helps me to view the challenges around this type of interaction as good opportunities for my kids to practice and see boundaries and healthy social behaviors. They know the families that want a formal playdate set up by parents. They don’t knock on those doors. They also have seen me say hey it’s time for dinner time for you to head home! And I have encouraged them to say no if they don’t feel like playing or have homework or something and to not be offended when some one isn’t available.

Our main rules are on timing and how far they can go. I would think it was a little weird if you sat and watched but would just move on with my day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in a similar neighborhood. My youngest was 8 when we moved here, so I don’t have experience with smaller children.

Our previous neighborhood was more typically UMC suburban with kids mostly in scheduled activities and not really playing in the neighborhood.

I’m really grateful for this community we live in now. My kids were out until 10pm last night playing “Ghost in the Graveyard,” and I thought it was great.

As for feeding kids, we don’t really do that in my neighborhood unless it’s a play date in someone’s home. The kids are generally outside.

Where?

[Anonymous]

I tell kids they may not ring my door bell. I am not a free babysitter. If you want to play parents can text or call us and arrange it at a mutually convenient time. No hanging out on weekdays. Homework, activities, supplementing.

[Anonymous]

You are using others for child care sending your kid over. Not sure the difference.

[Anonymous]

I don’t mind kids ringing my bell, but I would mind if they were rude (ringing repeatedly or coming back after we’d said no). My rules for my nine-year-old are basic politeness. There are also certain houses where my kid isn’t allowed to play because of safety issues. A little awkward but it is what it is.

Neighborhood friends can be a blessing, but it might be a pipe dream thinking all kids will get along. There are some kids I have no interest in mine forming close friendships with.