Spin off - Kids ringing doorbell in neighborhood/free roaming kids. What are your rules?

[Anonymous]

Side note to this thread: Parents should be teaching better manners. I do find it rude for other kids to be asking for food, snacks, etc. (water is exception). Teach your kid not to ask other parents. If you are over someone’s house, you wait to be offered food/drinks and if you are hungry and nothing has been offered, then go back to your own house and eat.

[Anonymous]

Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

Can you imagine telling this to your daughter someday? “How dare you avoid the person who exposed himself to you! Don’t you know he has special needs? You should be ashamed of yourself for looking away. Go write him a card and thank him for being your friend.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

Needing community doesn’t mean that his parents get to leave him unsupervised to roam around the neighborhood into other people’s homes behaving inappropriately. It’s not others’ jobs to parent your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

Can you imagine telling this to your daughter someday? “How dare you avoid the person who exposed himself to you! Don’t you know he has special needs? You should be ashamed of yourself for looking away. Go write him a card and thank him for being your friend.”

Is the person in this situation an autistic preschooler?
Then yes. I can imagine saying this to my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

Needing community doesn’t mean that his parents get to leave him unsupervised to roam around the neighborhood into other people’s homes behaving inappropriately. It’s not others’ jobs to parent your kids.

Whatever. The OP said that until recently she has been instructing her child to exclude the little boy from group activities outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

Can you imagine telling this to your daughter someday? “How dare you avoid the person who exposed himself to you! Don’t you know he has special needs? You should be ashamed of yourself for looking away. Go write him a card and thank him for being your friend.”

Is the person in this situation an autistic preschooler?
Then yes. I can imagine saying this to my daughter.

I mean this respectfully as I’m sure you are a great parent, but if you really would tell your preschool daughter these things, you have crossed too far along the spectrum of sacrifice for the sake of the community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

If you have an autistic preschooler than has these behaviors then you (parent) should be supervising them. This isn’t a kid that should be free roaming the neighborhood

[Anonymous]

Agree that the SN kid needs supervision. I can't imagine he is allowed to roam around freely, but shunning a kid with SN seems cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree that the SN kid needs supervision. I can't imagine he is allowed to roam around freely, but shunning a kid with SN seems cruel.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

Can you imagine telling this to your daughter someday? “How dare you avoid the person who exposed himself to you! Don’t you know he has special needs? You should be ashamed of yourself for looking away. Go write him a card and thank him for being your friend.”

Is the person in this situation an autistic preschooler?
Then yes. I can imagine saying this to my daughter.

I mean this respectfully as I’m sure you are a great parent, but if you really would tell your preschool daughter these things, you have crossed too far along the spectrum of sacrifice for the sake of the community.

Wait, why is my daughter also in preschool? I thought she was an adult who was attempting to shun a preschooler from his entire community. Like the OP.

Isn’t that what we are talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the way you talk about the little boy with autism is awful. He is likely hitting because his verbal skills are lagging. If he is pulling down his pants, please mention to the mom so she can work with him on that behavior as well as the hitting hopefully. Please don't shun this boy with SN. He, as much or even more than others, needs community.

Can you imagine telling this to your daughter someday? “How dare you avoid the person who exposed himself to you! Don’t you know he has special needs? You should be ashamed of yourself for looking away. Go write him a card and thank him for being your friend.”

Is the person in this situation an autistic preschooler?
Then yes. I can imagine saying this to my daughter.

I mean this respectfully as I’m sure you are a great parent, but if you really would tell your preschool daughter these things, you have crossed too far along the spectrum of sacrifice for the sake of the community.

If you tell your six year old not to play with the neighbor kid and not to let the other kids play with the neighbor kid because he did xyz, when does it end?
I get saying not to play with him for the rest of the afternoon or whatever, but saying never again is rough.

I think you imagine that this will blow over, and that if the kid doesn’t hit anyone for five years, then when the kids are 11, it won’t be an issue. Or when he’s 16 and hasn’t hit anyone or exposed himself to anyone in a decade, that it will be forgotten. But that isn’t how it works. Social skills deficits become more pronounced as kids get older. Kids will be less likely to want to be accepting of a kid who is different. This stuff where you tell your kids that it isn’t safe to play with xyz kid doesn’t just go away.