Did I ask for too much?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a slippery slope when one person has kids. He may not have worded things well, but if you’ve established a strong boundary of keeping your child out of the relationship, he may not have felt comfortable expressing his thoughts.

You could have simply followed up with yes, you realize that major things are between you and the dad but you’re asking him as a friend. That way he may have felt more comfortable discussing things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a slippery slope when one person has kids. He may not have worded things well, but if you’ve established a strong boundary of keeping your child out of the relationship, he may not have felt comfortable expressing his thoughts.

You could have simply followed up with yes, you realize that major things are between you and the dad but you’re asking him as a friend. That way he may have felt more comfortable discussing things.

And then op would have been pissed because he didn't like what he told her and was judging her kid without even knowing her and her parenting and he doesn't even have kids. Op was looking for drama and he didn't give it to her so now he's terrible and she's a victim of this mean man.

[Anonymous]

No, you did not. As a partner, he should listen and offer support. You didn’t ask for advice, you asked for his thoughts. I’d say this is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a jerk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you did not. As a partner, he should listen and offer support. You didn’t ask for advice, you asked for his thoughts. I’d say this is a red flag.

What if his thought was that her kid behaved poorly and did things he would never gotten away with as a kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's not a boyfriend. As someone said above, he is a f-buddy.
A boyfriend is also a friend. He doesn't sound like a friend.

This. OP, a good boufriend eould have listened and offered support. He wants nothing to do with yoir kid. Now you have a decision to make.

Op has been treating him as a f buddy. But now he's supposed to play stepdad and regal op with great advice on a child he's never.
Get out of here!

Op. Was and is playing games and her BF read her correctly.

If anything he should break up with her.

Oh stop. She’s not treating him like a F buddy. She doesn’t want to introduce her kids to men, and that’s perfectly reasonable.

It’s a MUCH bigger red flag if a guy you are dating insists on meeting your kids.

It’s really not that hard to listen and offer empathy. It’s completely reasonable to expect that from someone you are dating.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a LOT to handle. You should be thankful to any man that’s willing to keep you around under your current circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you address this with him? How did he respond?

OP here. I haven’t addressed it. I just said ok and changed the subject. I wanted to take time to reflect to make sure my feelings seemed reasonable. I was really disappointed in how he handled it.

Someone earlier said I’m asking him to parent. I don’t see it that way at all. I talk to platonic friends about parenting issues every now and again too. It’s just to get an outside perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you address this with him? How did he respond?

OP here. I haven’t addressed it. I just said ok and changed the subject. I wanted to take time to reflect to make sure my feelings seemed reasonable. I was really disappointed in how he handled it.

Someone earlier said I’m asking him to parent. I don’t see it that way at all. I talk to platonic friends about parenting issues every now and again too. It’s just to get an outside perspective.

Why do you think this non-parent with whom you do not discuss your children would offer a perspective worth considering?

[Anonymous]

Lesson learned.. Now what?
Keep us posted.

[Anonymous]

So you won't let him into your life with you kids except to vent. And you don't understand why he may not want to be vented to?

[Anonymous]

He’s irritated that he’s dating a single mom. He thinks he can do better.

It’s up to you to decide what’s next

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you address this with him? How did he respond?

OP here. I haven’t addressed it. I just said ok and changed the subject. I wanted to take time to reflect to make sure my feelings seemed reasonable. I was really disappointed in how he handled it.

Someone earlier said I’m asking him to parent. I don’t see it that way at all. I talk to platonic friends about parenting issues every now and again too. It’s just to get an outside perspective.

Why do you think this non-parent with whom you do not discuss your children would offer a perspective worth considering?

Um, because they’re DATING?!

The entire point of a relationship is for there to be someone who has your back, and they have yours. To offer mutual support and care.

I feel sad for your spouses if your expectation is to only talk about the things you want to talk about. That’s not a relationship, that’s just sad and pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you address this with him? How did he respond?

OP here. I haven’t addressed it. I just said ok and changed the subject. I wanted to take time to reflect to make sure my feelings seemed reasonable. I was really disappointed in how he handled it.

Someone earlier said I’m asking him to parent. I don’t see it that way at all. I talk to platonic friends about parenting issues every now and again too. It’s just to get an outside perspective.

Why do you think this non-parent with whom you do not discuss your children would offer a perspective worth considering?

Um, because they’re DATING?!

The entire point of a relationship is for there to be someone who has your back, and they have yours. To offer mutual support and care.

I feel sad for your spouses if your expectation is to only talk about the things you want to talk about. That’s not a relationship, that’s just sad and pathetic.

That seems to be the trouble in a lot of relationships. One person cannot be the best possible support in all areas. Besides OP didn’t say she wanted support and care. She wanted an outside perspective. What if this BF knew she hasn’t ready or willing to really hear his perspective? The BF rightly knows right now it’s not his place to give perspective on OP’s child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you address this with him? How did he respond?

OP here. I haven’t addressed it. I just said ok and changed the subject. I wanted to take time to reflect to make sure my feelings seemed reasonable. I was really disappointed in how he handled it.

Someone earlier said I’m asking him to parent. I don’t see it that way at all. I talk to platonic friends about parenting issues every now and again too. It’s just to get an outside perspective.

Why do you think this non-parent with whom you do not discuss your children would offer a perspective worth considering?

Um, because they’re DATING?!

The entire point of a relationship is for there to be someone who has your back, and they have yours. To offer mutual support and care.

I feel sad for your spouses if your expectation is to only talk about the things you want to talk about. That’s not a relationship, that’s just sad and pathetic.

That seems to be the trouble in a lot of relationships. One person cannot be the best possible support in all areas. Besides OP didn’t say she wanted support and care. She wanted an outside perspective. What if this BF knew she hasn’t ready or willing to really hear his perspective? The BF rightly knows right now it’s not his place to give perspective on OP’s child.

This is spot on. OP doesn’t share her child with her bf/paramour/f-buddy as her choice. Him not wanting to be involved in parenting decisions regarding your saved game is his choice. He was right to say that the child’s behavior is between you and the father.