Did I ask for too much?

[Anonymous]

He doesn't know the kid, you haven't even introduced him and yet you want his opinion.

I feel like you've put up all these barriers but still want his advice when it suits you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you address this with him? How did he respond?

OP here. I haven’t addressed it. I just said ok and changed the subject. I wanted to take time to reflect to make sure my feelings seemed reasonable. I was really disappointed in how he handled it.

Someone earlier said I’m asking him to parent. I don’t see it that way at all. I talk to platonic friends about parenting issues every now and again too. It’s just to get an outside perspective.

Why do you think this non-parent with whom you do not discuss your children would offer a perspective worth considering?

Um, because they’re DATING?!

The entire point of a relationship is for there to be someone who has your back, and they have yours. To offer mutual support and care.

I feel sad for your spouses if your expectation is to only talk about the things you want to talk about. That’s not a relationship, that’s just sad and pathetic.

Yeah, if he’s not willing to have non-consensual conversations, he’s not marriage material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both your boyfriend and PPs are being ridiculous.

Imagine if your boyfriend complained about work and you replied “that’s between you and HR, don’t talk about that with me”. Stupid.

Part of being human is you want to talk about things with other people - to vent, to verbally process, to get other perspectives.

I would see this as a major red flag and not proceed with the relationship. Although to be petty, I may wait until he complains to be about someone and hit him back with “that’s between you and your mom/boss/whoever”

NP. Plenty of us are married to spouses who work in IC and can't talk about their jobs. If you can't let us in about your job, no whining vaguely then. That gets old super quick.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, I am also a single mom and I dont date men who dont have kids as well. I tried previously and they just didnt understand where I was coming from sometimes. Being an involved parent is a completely different lifestyle than not having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s irritated that he’s dating a single mom. He thinks he can do better.

It’s up to you to decide what’s next

I think this is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you address this with him? How did he respond?

OP here. I haven’t addressed it. I just said ok and changed the subject. I wanted to take time to reflect to make sure my feelings seemed reasonable. I was really disappointed in how he handled it.

Someone earlier said I’m asking him to parent. I don’t see it that way at all. I talk to platonic friends about parenting issues every now and again too. It’s just to get an outside perspective.

Why do you think this non-parent with whom you do not discuss your children would offer a perspective worth considering?

Um, because they’re DATING?!

The entire point of a relationship is for there to be someone who has your back, and they have yours. To offer mutual support and care.

I feel sad for your spouses if your expectation is to only talk about the things you want to talk about. That’s not a relationship, that’s just sad and pathetic.

That seems to be the trouble in a lot of relationships. One person cannot be the best possible support in all areas. Besides OP didn’t say she wanted support and care. She wanted an outside perspective. What if this BF knew she hasn’t ready or willing to really hear his perspective? The BF rightly knows right now it’s not his place to give perspective on OP’s child.

PP you reaching here. Who are you or the boyfriend to make assumptions about what could be handled? Not everyone is an emotional baby who can’t handle feedback. Even assuming feedback couldn’t be handle (which there is not reason to assume), a partner should still provide emotional support for a bad day.

It’s so annoying when women are expected to do all the emotional labor. they are to be sweet and nurturing, yet if they have a bad day it’s too much to ask their partner for a little support. That thinking is garbage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fighting with your children is in no way comparable with job trouble. Everyone knows that you can’t criticize someone’s parenting or their children. You are asking your BF to weigh in on the situation seems awfully close. I don’t believe for a minute that you were prepared if the comments were negative.

Also - does he even have kids? Have they faced any challenges that he has dealt with? I kind of hate when people with no kids or perfect kids weigh in. Seems to me that holding back showed good judgment and restraint.

But the boyfriend can talk to her about his mom problems? That can be a total landmine and OP handled it by being supportive of him and listening, just like for any other problem in life.

OP, straight up DTMF. He was both rude and insensitive about a major area of life when you opened the door on it meaningfully for the first time or one of the first time. His responses to this topic would have started to allow you to feel comfortable with introducing your child more and more. I assume that is what he is avoiding AND he is a jerk. A nice person could have been supportive and found a mature and kind way to communicate concerns about meeting your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fighting with your children is in no way comparable with job trouble. Everyone knows that you can’t criticize someone’s parenting or their children. You are asking your BF to weigh in on the situation seems awfully close. I don’t believe for a minute that you were prepared if the comments were negative.

Also - does he even have kids? Have they faced any challenges that he has dealt with? I kind of hate when people with no kids or perfect kids weigh in. Seems to me that holding back showed good judgment and restraint.

But the boyfriend can talk to her about his mom problems? That can be a total landmine and OP handled it by being supportive of him and listening, just like for any other problem in life.

OP, straight up DTMF. He was both rude and insensitive about a major area of life when you opened the door on it meaningfully for the first time or one of the first time. His responses to this topic would have started to allow you to feel comfortable with introducing your child more and more. I assume that is what he is avoiding AND he is a jerk. A nice person could have been supportive and found a mature and kind way to communicate concerns about meeting your kid.

Some people have unreasonable emotional expectations of others. You and OP are two of those people.

Since OP did not really discuss her children previously, he did the right thing by NOT commenting on such a sensitive topic. I fully believe OP is an emotional baby which is why she was so hurt that the BF rightly pointed out that this isn’t his domain. She also acted like a baby when she shut down the conversation rather than voicing her feelings. But I guess in your world and OP’s it’s okay that she had the wrong emotional reaction (shutting down), but no one else may be permitted to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you address this with him? How did he respond?

OP here. I haven’t addressed it. I just said ok and changed the subject. I wanted to take time to reflect to make sure my feelings seemed reasonable. I was really disappointed in how he handled it.

Someone earlier said I’m asking him to parent. I don’t see it that way at all. I talk to platonic friends about parenting issues every now and again too. It’s just to get an outside perspective.

Why do you think this non-parent with whom you do not discuss your children would offer a perspective worth considering?

Um, because they’re DATING?!

The entire point of a relationship is for there to be someone who has your back, and they have yours. To offer mutual support and care.

I feel sad for your spouses if your expectation is to only talk about the things you want to talk about. That’s not a relationship, that’s just sad and pathetic.

That seems to be the trouble in a lot of relationships. One person cannot be the best possible support in all areas. Besides OP didn’t say she wanted support and care. She wanted an outside perspective. What if this BF knew she hasn’t ready or willing to really hear his perspective? The BF rightly knows right now it’s not his place to give perspective on OP’s child.

PP you reaching here. Who are you or the boyfriend to make assumptions about what could be handled? Not everyone is an emotional baby who can’t handle feedback. Even assuming feedback couldn’t be handle (which there is not reason to assume), a partner should still provide emotional support for a bad day.

It’s so annoying when women are expected to do all the emotional labor. they are to be sweet and nurturing, yet if they have a bad day it’s too much to ask their partner for a little support. That thinking is garbage.

Yes, we can safely assume OP is an emotional baby based on her comments here. Talk about reaching. We have no basis to say that OP does all the emotional labor/is sweet and nurturing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you address this with him? How did he respond?

OP here. I haven’t addressed it. I just said ok and changed the subject. I wanted to take time to reflect to make sure my feelings seemed reasonable. I was really disappointed in how he handled it.

Someone earlier said I’m asking him to parent. I don’t see it that way at all. I talk to platonic friends about parenting issues every now and again too. It’s just to get an outside perspective.

Why do you think this non-parent with whom you do not discuss your children would offer a perspective worth considering?

Um, because they’re DATING?!

The entire point of a relationship is for there to be someone who has your back, and they have yours. To offer mutual support and care.

I feel sad for your spouses if your expectation is to only talk about the things you want to talk about. That’s not a relationship, that’s just sad and pathetic.

That seems to be the trouble in a lot of relationships. One person cannot be the best possible support in all areas. Besides OP didn’t say she wanted support and care. She wanted an outside perspective. What if this BF knew she hasn’t ready or willing to really hear his perspective? The BF rightly knows right now it’s not his place to give perspective on OP’s child.

PP you reaching here. Who are you or the boyfriend to make assumptions about what could be handled? Not everyone is an emotional baby who can’t handle feedback. Even assuming feedback couldn’t be handle (which there is not reason to assume), a partner should still provide emotional support for a bad day.

It’s so annoying when women are expected to do all the emotional labor. they are to be sweet and nurturing, yet if they have a bad day it’s too much to ask their partner for a little support. That thinking is garbage.

She wasn’t asking for support. She was asking for him to weigh in on the situation. Not sure how you don’t understand the difference.

[Anonymous]

OP here. To be clear I did not shut down. What I did was take time to reflect upon how I was feeling before addressing it with him.

Also to clarify what I specifically asked him was if he had ever done the thing my kid did while he was a kid and if so how did his parents handle it. I explained I never engaged in this particular behavior and was thrown for a loop.

[Anonymous]

Your boyfriend could have showed more empathy in the situation since you were upset. His reaction, while technically accurate (that’s between you and the dad), didn’t sound nice or recognized your feelings. If he wanted things to go to the next level, he would have shown some level of interest even if it was just to lend an ear, but he didn’t do that. He shut it down saying that he basically didn’t want to hear about it.

This guy is not husband or step-dad material.

[Anonymous]

OP - the way he responded was insensitive. He could have given some light comment on the situation but then deferred it to you and your Ex. But he aggressively distanced himself instead to shut off any future attempts on your part to discuss it

He clearly doesn’t want the relationship ti progress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fighting with your children is in no way comparable with job trouble. Everyone knows that you can’t criticize someone’s parenting or their children. You are asking your BF to weigh in on the situation seems awfully close. I don’t believe for a minute that you were prepared if the comments were negative.

Also - does he even have kids? Have they faced any challenges that he has dealt with? I kind of hate when people with no kids or perfect kids weigh in. Seems to me that holding back showed good judgment and restraint.

But the boyfriend can talk to her about his mom problems? That can be a total landmine and OP handled it by being supportive of him and listening, just like for any other problem in life.

OP, straight up DTMF. He was both rude and insensitive about a major area of life when you opened the door on it meaningfully for the first time or one of the first time. His responses to this topic would have started to allow you to feel comfortable with introducing your child more and more. I assume that is what he is avoiding AND he is a jerk. A nice person could have been supportive and found a mature and kind way to communicate concerns about meeting your kid.

Some people have unreasonable emotional expectations of others. You and OP are two of those people.

Since OP did not really discuss her children previously, he did the right thing by NOT commenting on such a sensitive topic. I fully believe OP is an emotional baby which is why she was so hurt that the BF rightly pointed out that this isn’t his domain. She also acted like a baby when she shut down the conversation rather than voicing her feelings. But I guess in your world and OP’s it’s okay that she had the wrong emotional reaction (shutting down), but no one else may be permitted to do so.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To be clear I did not shut down. What I did was take time to reflect upon how I was feeling before addressing it with him.

Also to clarify what I specifically asked him was if he had ever done the thing my kid did while he was a kid and if so how did his parents handle it. I explained I never engaged in this particular behavior and was thrown for a loop.

You were testing him and being manipulative. you are continuing to be manipulative thus you are here to get your bum pats because you know that DCUM will nearly always side with the woman/mom even when she's wrong