Did I ask for too much?

[Anonymous]

I’m a single mom and my boyfriend has no kids. In dating I don’t introduce my kid to anyone. I talk about my kid here and there to my boyfriend. Recently my kid did something super upsetting, and when my boyfriend asked me about my day I told him about it and asked for his thoughts. He was very flippant towards me during the convo, and said “That’s between you and her dad, you are her parents.”

I was hurt. I’m not asking this guy to help me raise my kid. I was being vulnerable by telling him what was really going on with me. It seemed like he was upset that I am a mom. I don’t get why he signed up for dating me in the first place.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t have asked him that question because he’s right and if he said something you wouldn’t want to hear, you would have been upset with him over that. You can’t have it both way - you can’t keep your children’s lives separate while also asking him to share his thoughts on parenting issues. He could have said, “that’s tough” and moved on but I think it’s a fair response to your unfair question.

[Anonymous]

He’s a f buddy not a parent or step parent.

[Anonymous]

Did you really want his thougths on the situation, what to do or his perception of your child or how you or dad handled the situation? He might not be comfortable stepping into that space at all.

I don't know how long you have been dating but he may see it as more casual than you do. Aso your kids aren't in his life, he hasn't met them, he doesn't know them, has no connection to them, and likely doesn't really think about them most of the time as 100% of the relationship is just you and him. But for you, you are with your kids all the time and they are key players in your life.

Think about a major part of his life (dogs, motorcycles) that you have zero experience with and nothing to do with and he wanted your thoughts on it. It is hard to come up with meaningful thoughts when you know nothing and he knows everything about a topic - same as you and your kids.

[Anonymous]

You have kept your kid separate from him and you can't get mad at him for not having an opinion. He's right, it's between you and her dad. He's not upset you're a mom. You've kept the "mom" side of you away from the relationship so of course he doesn't really know how to contribute to the conversation.

[Anonymous]

I think you sound very immature, Op.

[Anonymous]

His thought is that this is not his problem to take on. He is not a parent, and he doesn't even know the kid.

[Anonymous]

OP - don't listen to the toxic responses. You have the toughest job in the world (literally) and occasionally you fail to navigate it correctly. You should be commended.

[Anonymous]

He's not a boyfriend. As someone said above, he is a f-buddy.
A boyfriend is also a friend. He doesn't sound like a friend.

[Anonymous]

Both your boyfriend and PPs are being ridiculous.

Imagine if your boyfriend complained about work and you replied “that’s between you and HR, don’t talk about that with me”. Stupid.

Part of being human is you want to talk about things with other people - to vent, to verbally process, to get other perspectives.

I would see this as a major red flag and not proceed with the relationship. Although to be petty, I may wait until he complains to be about someone and hit him back with “that’s between you and your mom/boss/whoever”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both your boyfriend and PPs are being ridiculous.

Imagine if your boyfriend complained about work and you replied “that’s between you and HR, don’t talk about that with me”. Stupid.

Part of being human is you want to talk about things with other people - to vent, to verbally process, to get other perspectives.

I would see this as a major red flag and not proceed with the relationship. Although to be petty, I may wait until he complains to be about someone and hit him back with “that’s between you and your mom/boss/whoever”

I don't get how its a red flag when she's kept this part of her life away from him. And I would say the same thing with the job example. If OP rarely ever talked about her job with her boyfriend and when she did, it was fairly superficial stuff, I wouldn't expect him to have any type of input into how he perceives a work situation for her.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m confused by some of the responses here. He talks to me about the workings of his life regularly and I provide feedback. He talks to me about problems with his mom for instance. I’ve never met her but that doesn’t stop me from conversing with him about an issue he’s having with her when he brings it up.

I didn’t expect him to be a step-parent. I just expected him to be a friend. I was explaining to him that the problem I was having with my daughter is something I didn’t have with my parents growing up, and inquiring about if it was an issue for him as a kid. I genuinely wanted his feedback even if disagreed with me. in fact disagreement would have been a bonus because I was seeking to learn. Instead he spoke down to me and was a jerk about it.

[Anonymous]

You are not confused OP. You don't like that people are disagreeing with you and not feeding into your hurt bird agenda.
You are manipulative.
You are upset that your boyfriend didn't play into the trap you set for him.
And now you are trashing him.
You are toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not confused OP. You don't like that people are disagreeing with you and not feeding into your hurt bird agenda.
You are manipulative.
You are upset that your boyfriend didn't play into the trap you set for him.
And now you are trashing him.
You are toxic.

Why do some women expect so little from relationships? It's not too much to ask your boyfriend to talk to you about your bad day.....sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's not a boyfriend. As someone said above, he is a f-buddy.
A boyfriend is also a friend. He doesn't sound like a friend.

This. OP, a good boufriend eould have listened and offered support. He wants nothing to do with yoir kid. Now you have a decision to make.