Wondering if any other parents feel things too deeply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is with the recent spate of “am I the only parent who…” posts? Do you all genuinely believe you invented these feelings? That people who now have older kids never got teary at shows or movie or missed their kids intensely at work? No, you all are sui generis. No parent has ever felt these feeling, and no parent ever will again. You are truly unique in the universe in your special sensitivity to your little one.

I do think that it’s gone from taboo to standard for women to say that they don’t like being home with their kids, can’t wait to go back to work after maternity leave, etc.
Those feelings are valid too, but I can see why OP might feel like the only one who doesn’t feel that way.

When I went back at 12 weeks, I had a coworker who had just come back as well. I went to her office in tears hoping to commiserate and she looked at me like I had two heads. "I was going crazy sitting at home! It's much better to be out with adults and know he's well taken care of by professionals. Plus think what poor role models we would be if we halted our careers." I was not comforted.

I had a similar experience!
At the time I thought that she was much more put together than I was and putting on a braver face.
Now I know that people really just experience motherhood differently.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is spoiled. It’s going to be a very long road ahead for you if you’re already in credit card debt to give one 6 year old kid everything they want.

[Anonymous]

Don't live vicariously thru your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your job as a parent is to create mentally and physically healthy kids who can function well as adults in the real world.

Giving your kid everything isn’t going to las to that goal.

+1. Also, play the long game. Years from now when your kid is saddled with college loans and also has to support you in retirement, he won’t thank you for blowing your money on all those unnecessary activities and vacations.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s pretty normal, but also important to recognize that most parents 'outgrow' these intense emotions as their kids get older.

When my firstborn was about 7 months old, I took her to an indoor playground. A five-year-old boy walked up to her and slapped her for no reason. My heart was broken for a week. I’d lie awake at night wondering, How can I protect my children in this world?

Now, honestly, even if my kids get pushed or punched, it won't really take any emotional toll on me anymore.

When I see parents of adult children being overly protective, sentimental, or spoiling them emotionally or financially, it almost feels unhealthy or abnormal to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, 1000% yes. My husband and I were just talking about this - our kids are HS, MS, and ES. Things just hit harder when you have kids, in my opinion, because the idea of losing them or not being able to protect them is unbearable.

[Anonymous]

Watch comedies or sitcoms or rom coms instead of dystopian and scary. Listen to calming or uplifting music. Listen to the birds outside. Don’t read triggering stories.

Don’t numb your emotions with chemicals (meds). Emotions are normal.

Learn to say no to your son here and there. Buying him everything is not “giving him the best life possible. “ The best you can do is teach him restraint, the value of money/possessions, resilience. People who get everything they want are not happy.

Credit card debt is a hard NO. Do you really feel that credit card debt is the “best life possible “? Are you making excuses for spending too much?

Could you be an empath? Look it up and if you are, look up how to stay in control

You sound reflective. Toy may enjoy an online Meyers Briggs test and reading about your personality.

Invest in yourself a bit- by going out with a friend or a workout class or a hobby.

Teach your son regular everyday life as appropriate for his age. Cooking, house chores, eventually financial literacy

[Anonymous]

This would be normal if your kid were an infant but it is too much emotional pressure to lay on a 6 year old. Have you ever been treated for depression?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I experienced that more acutely when my kids were younger. Zoloft at a very low dose has helped me to “even out” and have more capacity to respond more typically to basically everything.

That said, of course “Handmaid’s Tale” and other dystopian fare are frightening, devastating, disturbing. That’s the point! If entertainment is making you feel bed, try lightening it up for a while. Why not watch and listen to and read things that make you feel good?

Financially, it sounds like you really need to make some changes. Having credit card debt is not responsible and doesn’t help create a solid future for you or your son. Get back on track, pay off the debt and build savings.

I agree with a lot of this.

Think about what you give your energy to. I feel things deeply, so avoid a lot of music, television, news articles, and art that will put me in a sad, depressed, or ruminating state if I don’t have emotional bandwidth. My husband does not get it at all even though he’s very in touch with his feelings.

My friends who have one child have a harder time saying no and from my limited experience only children can have a harder time accepting no, especially from a parent. I think only children just hear no less from their parents, so your situation with wanting to give your child everything is more typical of what I’ve observed with only parents but you may be doing him a disservice by not saying no more. It’s ok to speak to your children about money in an age appropriate way. I do all the time. We have a lot of money, relatively speaking, but we have three children and we need to be responsible. And that means we can’t buy everyone everything that they want. That’s how life works for most of us who aren’t billionaires.

[Anonymous]

The example that sticks out at me is hoping a child will wake healthy. This sounds unpleasant and maybe like anxiety. I also felt intense emotions when my children were sleeping but mine were an intense love, security and peace. If I were in your shoes, I would talk to a therapist. It might be nothing, but it also can’t hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I experienced that more acutely when my kids were younger. Zoloft at a very low dose has helped me to “even out” and have more capacity to respond more typically to basically everything.

That said, of course “Handmaid’s Tale” and other dystopian fare are frightening, devastating, disturbing. That’s the point! If entertainment is making you feel bed, try lightening it up for a while. Why not watch and listen to and read things that make you feel good?

Financially, it sounds like you really need to make some changes. Having credit card debt is not responsible and doesn’t help create a solid future for you or your son. Get back on track, pay off the debt and build savings.

I agree with a lot of this.

Think about what you give your energy to. I feel things deeply, so avoid a lot of music, television, news articles, and art that will put me in a sad, depressed, or ruminating state if I don’t have emotional bandwidth. My husband does not get it at all even though he’s very in touch with his feelings.

My friends who have one child have a harder time saying no and from my limited experience only children can have a harder time accepting no, especially from a parent. I think only children just hear no less from their parents, so your situation with wanting to give your child everything is more typical of what I’ve observed with only parents but you may be doing him a disservice by not saying no more. It’s ok to speak to your children about money in an age appropriate way. I do all the time. We have a lot of money, relatively speaking, but we have three children and we need to be responsible. And that means we can’t buy everyone everything that they want. That’s how life works for most of us who aren’t billionaires.

I think it would be so hard to parent an only child for this reason. He would be so spoiled! When my youngest was the only kid at home during the day (others were in school), we just did whatever he wanted all of the time.
We were a screen-free house at the time, so he couldn’t do that, and we were limited by school hours, but if he wanted to go to the zoo, we went to the zoo. If he wanted to see the elephants first, we went to see the elephants. Why would I fight him on it?