Wondering if any other parents feel things too deeply.

[Anonymous]

I felt differently about news stories after having kids, and this was coming from someone already soft who worked with kids.

I don’t like true crime (used to watch CSI pre kids), I don’t read about school shootings because they’re too upsetting, and I don’t want dystopias anymore. All things I did pre-kids.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I found that after kids, I'm done with sad. It's too much.

[Anonymous]

I grew up poor and undersourced too with parents that had foul tempers.
I worked at being the parent I wish I had. They were wonderful children - sweet, always listened, rarely argued, conscientious. As they pulled away during middle and high school, I gave them room. When they needed me, I was there for them.
My kids are late teens now and I think I created an entitled brat. My other child is mostly fine.

[Anonymous]

Your feelings are very intense. Your child might feel your anxiety too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering if any other parents struggle with a substantial emotional shift after having kids. A couple of examples I've found so far are:

- Struggling hard to watch a TV show like The Handmaid's Tale or read A Thousand Splendid Suns, knowing similar things have happened to families (for example, the Taliban rule ...)
- Missing your kid all day. I miss my kid when he is at work. When I pick him up, it's the best feeling, and I feel guilty for working that I can't give him a full summer off; he will have to attend camps.
- I watch my son sleep and hope he wakes safe, healthy, and happy.
- I can't look at stories of parents who have lost children. I never want to feel that pain, and I cry if I see something on Instagram like a child dying from leukemia.
If my son wants to try a sport, I'll pay whatever the cost and go, or my husband and I'll take him.

I grew up poor and struggle with managing money. I spend a little bit too much money on my son and we have credit card debt because of consumer debt and travel. I am trying to give him the best life possible. We make a decent income, so paying off our credit cards is not a big deal. But I have a very hard time saying no.

Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this.

Everything sounds normal except the last bit. Remember, your job is to be a parent and help this young soul reach his full potential. You can’t do that if you have trouble saying no to him.
He needs you to know when to say no and when to say yes.

As he grows older, he’ll need you to teach him how to decide when to say no and when to say yes. You might have trouble saying no, but you need to figure out how to fix that, so that you can show him how to handle situations where he also has trouble saying no.

[Anonymous]

What is with the recent spate of “am I the only parent who…” posts? Do you all genuinely believe you invented these feelings? That people who now have older kids never got teary at shows or movie or missed their kids intensely at work? No, you all are sui generis. No parent has ever felt these feeling, and no parent ever will again. You are truly unique in the universe in your special sensitivity to your little one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is with the recent spate of “am I the only parent who…” posts? Do you all genuinely believe you invented these feelings? That people who now have older kids never got teary at shows or movie or missed their kids intensely at work? No, you all are sui generis. No parent has ever felt these feeling, and no parent ever will again. You are truly unique in the universe in your special sensitivity to your little one.

Most of these people grew up online so they don’t have much real life experience.

[Anonymous]

I really missed my kids while I was at work too. Every day I felt like I did when I broke up with my college boyfriend. I just wanted to cry after drop-off.
I am a therapist, and I really struggled with hearing my patient’s stories about being abused as children.
I ended up leaving my day job and getting a job working evenings in the emergency room. I am able to work part time since I don’t need to pay for much childcare. Also, it’s good for DH to have solo time with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is with the recent spate of “am I the only parent who…” posts? Do you all genuinely believe you invented these feelings? That people who now have older kids never got teary at shows or movie or missed their kids intensely at work? No, you all are sui generis. No parent has ever felt these feeling, and no parent ever will again. You are truly unique in the universe in your special sensitivity to your little one.

I do think that it’s gone from taboo to standard for women to say that they don’t like being home with their kids, can’t wait to go back to work after maternity leave, etc.
Those feelings are valid too, but I can see why OP might feel like the only one who doesn’t feel that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is with the recent spate of “am I the only parent who…” posts? Do you all genuinely believe you invented these feelings? That people who now have older kids never got teary at shows or movie or missed their kids intensely at work? No, you all are sui generis. No parent has ever felt these feeling, and no parent ever will again. You are truly unique in the universe in your special sensitivity to your little one.

I do think that it’s gone from taboo to standard for women to say that they don’t like being home with their kids, can’t wait to go back to work after maternity leave, etc.
Those feelings are valid too, but I can see why OP might feel like the only one who doesn’t feel that way.

When I went back at 12 weeks, I had a coworker who had just come back as well. I went to her office in tears hoping to commiserate and she looked at me like I had two heads. "I was going crazy sitting at home! It's much better to be out with adults and know he's well taken care of by professionals. Plus think what poor role models we would be if we halted our careers." I was not comforted.

[Anonymous]

I love my kid so much, similar age. I love watching him sleep or getting snuggles.

But hard NO to credit card debt! Not good for anyone in the family. See yourself up for financial success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of us can relate to this, but what you describe seems to go far past what is healthy. At some point, it's going to cause problems beyond just credit card debt.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Your job as a parent is to create mentally and physically healthy kids who can function well as adults in the real world.

Giving your kid everything isn’t going to las to that goal.

[Anonymous]

No to credit card debt and to spoiling kids in general. It never ends well. You can still love them until your heart bursts.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like anxiety. You are trying to control the outcome of his life, which you know you cannot, but you just keep trying. Therapy would probably help.