Wondering if any other parents feel things too deeply.

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if any other parents struggle with a substantial emotional shift after having kids. A couple of examples I've found so far are:

- Struggling hard to watch a TV show like The Handmaid's Tale or read A Thousand Splendid Suns, knowing similar things have happened to families (for example, the Taliban rule ...)
- Missing your kid all day. I miss my kid when he is at work. When I pick him up, it's the best feeling, and I feel guilty for working that I can't give him a full summer off; he will have to attend camps.
- I watch my son sleep and hope he wakes safe, healthy, and happy.
- I can't look at stories of parents who have lost children. I never want to feel that pain, and I cry if I see something on Instagram like a child dying from leukemia.
If my son wants to try a sport, I'll pay whatever the cost and go, or my husband and I'll take him.

I grew up poor and struggle with managing money. I spend a little bit too much money on my son and we have credit card debt because of consumer debt and travel. I am trying to give him the best life possible. We make a decent income, so paying off our credit cards is not a big deal. But I have a very hard time saying no.

Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this.

[Anonymous]

How old is your child?

[Anonymous]

Op here - he’s 6. Only child. I had one because I found it was a bit too hard emotionally.

[Anonymous]

I think this is all pretty normal, even if most parents don't do all of it? I cry a lot more at stuff with kids than I did before I became a dad.

[Anonymous]

OP, I experienced that more acutely when my kids were younger. Zoloft at a very low dose has helped me to “even out” and have more capacity to respond more typically to basically everything.

That said, of course “Handmaid’s Tale” and other dystopian fare are frightening, devastating, disturbing. That’s the point! If entertainment is making you feel bed, try lightening it up for a while. Why not watch and listen to and read things that make you feel good?

Financially, it sounds like you really need to make some changes. Having credit card debt is not responsible and doesn’t help create a solid future for you or your son. Get back on track, pay off the debt and build savings.

[Anonymous]

I agree about the Zoloft. I went on a mild dosage of Prozac and I found it really helped me. Not to be a drug pusher. It’s totally normal to feel so many emotions with kids.
However, agree about getting money in check and not overindulging.

[Anonymous]

I experienced all of this except the over spending. You have got to get that under control - 6 year olds don’t care how much you spend on him. Also, make sure he doesn’t become bratty and entitled - it sneaks up on you.

[Anonymous]

Only women.

[Anonymous]

I also experience all of this except the over spending, but I can relate to that as well.

It is difficult and takes a lot of discipline for me to say no to lessons and activities they want to participate in that are not in our budget. And it’s upsetting to me - it really activates the mom guilt/I’m a terrible mother feeling that I can’t provide these enriching opportunities for our kids. My husband and I are equal earners. My feelings about this are not rational and I know that. It’s just something I have to consistently work on about myself because I know I’m doing better for my children by living within our means then letting them participate in all the activities. They do get do to some things, but we have to make choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm wondering if any other parents struggle with a substantial emotional shift after having kids. A couple of examples I've found so far are:

- Struggling hard to watch a TV show like The Handmaid's Tale or read A Thousand Splendid Suns, knowing similar things have happened to families (for example, the Taliban rule ...)
- Missing your kid all day. I miss my kid when he is at work. When I pick him up, it's the best feeling, and I feel guilty for working that I can't give him a full summer off; he will have to attend camps.
- I watch my son sleep and hope he wakes safe, healthy, and happy.
- I can't look at stories of parents who have lost children. I never want to feel that pain, and I cry if I see something on Instagram like a child dying from leukemia.
If my son wants to try a sport, I'll pay whatever the cost and go, or my husband and I'll take him.

I grew up poor and struggle with managing money. I spend a little bit too much money on my son and we have credit card debt because of consumer debt and travel. I am trying to give him the best life possible. We make a decent income, so paying off our credit cards is not a big deal. But I have a very hard time saying no.

Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this.

100%
All of this!

[Anonymous]

I did feel this way when my kids were very little. It was unsettling. I think I had ppd. It evened out over time. Definitely by age 6. I think u need antidepressants

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of us can relate to this, but what you describe seems to go far past what is healthy. At some point, it's going to cause problems beyond just credit card debt.

[Anonymous]

This is generally how I am. It’s like having too much empathy for everything going on. I avoid books, tv, and movies with sad subjects. I worry a lot about my adult kids and grandkids.

I didn’t used to be so extreme; don’t know why it seems worse as I age. (My mom was a worrier )

It hasn’t caused problems except my own anxiety. You’re obviously younger than I am, with more years to improve this issue. Possibly think about seeing a therapist.

[Anonymous]

I’ve felt similar with my 3 year old and fear losing her. Since becoming a mom I’ve had intrusive thoughts for the first time. I do have anxiety but have never been medicated for it and can manage my life just fine. But my heart grew when I had my daughter and it regularly aches when I hear stories about any child suffering or recall others stories before I had kids (listened to a lot of true crime which I can’t do now if it involves children or even the backstory of a murderer if child abuse was involved). Some people recommend medication here but I don’t always thinks that’s the best if you should “feel more”. But worth talking to someone. The guilt around spending isn’t normal IMO for parents. I’d ensure you are saving enough to provide a good college education- kids don’t in fact need a lot - your time, love and patience (and financial stability!) is the most important things to provide your child.

[Anonymous]

I am like this. Some people just feel things more acutely. In the past when I took ssri i was much more mellow, even numb.
I have to be very careful about the media I consume because it can disturb me so much. I have made my husband stop movies part way because I feel my emotions spiraling in a negative direction. Entertainment is supposed to be entertaining.